Anonymous wrote:My childhood best friend (still best friend) was/is like this from a young age. She'd give you the sweater she was wearing if you said it was cute. She couldn't help it - just pure generosity (plus reasonably well-off). I have always tried not to take advantage of it, but I also accept that it does make her happy to give gifts. The main thing is to make sure she is not being taken advantage of, and that she is not going beyond your/her means. But this is ultimately a lovely problem to have - a child with a kind, generous spirit.

OP here, this is like my daughter, generous at heart but I feel too generous. We had a conversation about the matter and there is now a clear understanding in managing money. Thanks everyone.

Your daughter sounds kind, generous and sweet.
There is a huge difference between baking treats and sharing them with kids on the bus--YES! that would make my child's day--and spending money on Starbucks and smoothies.
I agree with those that say some financial limits AND discussing financial arrangements before the kids head out would help a lot. "You're going to Starbucks--Jane, do you have money for your treat?" It can be fixed and it's not a big deal.
Heck, if someone offered to buy me a treat, I'd take it and say thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is op?!

Seriously! Op?

OP is at the bank getting more money for DD to dole out.

bye troll!

Anonymous wrote:Where is op?!

Seriously! Op?

why are you all so sure she is "generous" v. desperate for friends? This is not normal behavior. She seems very needy.

I think it is wonderful that she is generous but honestly, this has to stop. I would be really uncomfortable if my son had a friend who constantly bought him things. Especially if it is the parade of junk food. I know she means well, but unless the kids are trading off paying, this is not a good dynamic for anyone. Ypur daughter could be getting used by people or could be making other uncomfortable.

I think you need to sit her down, praise her generous spirit, but point out that what she is doing is not appropriate. Not to mention talk to her about the value of money. Maybe she could use that generosity to save money to donate to a charity. Or at least save up to do something fun. Have her add up how much she spends on those things and that she could be using her money more wisely.

Your DD has access to too much money OP, and is spending on trivial things.

Have you thought about having her save her own allowance (or gift money) so she can buy a particular thing or experience she wants?

Or having her budget her allowance so she gets x amount to spend, y amount to save, and z amount to donate to a charity of her choice?

Basically, have her have some money if she wants to treat others, but make sure she knows how to save and to give without opening herself up to users.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s only a problem if YOU think it’s a problem. I always send DD with enough to cover her share and a bit more in case one of her friends doesn’t have enough. But in DD’s situation, it’s because most of her friends are from families that struggle. She (and I) are not trying to buy friends, but to recognize that we are fortunate to be in a position to treat others occasionally. DD has also been known to share her lunch or buy lunch from the cafeteria for a friend in need. I am more than fine with this because I came from a family that could cover our bills but had zero room for extras. I have made sure DD understands the “why”.

This is not even remotely similar to op's kid

Paying for a school lunch is very different than an expensive snack. I'd gladly pack a second lunch or give a bit more to a child who needed it/going without but that is not an expensive smoothie.

Anonymous wrote:It’s only a problem if YOU think it’s a problem. I always send DD with enough to cover her share and a bit more in case one of her friends doesn’t have enough. But in DD’s situation, it’s because most of her friends are from families that struggle. She (and I) are not trying to buy friends, but to recognize that we are fortunate to be in a position to treat others occasionally. DD has also been known to share her lunch or buy lunch from the cafeteria for a friend in need. I am more than fine with this because I came from a family that could cover our bills but had zero room for extras. I have made sure DD understands the “why”.

This is not even remotely similar to op's kid

Does anyone ever treat her? Explain to her that people pretty quickly will EXPECT these things from her and be slightly annoyed or disappointed if she doesn’t provide them. So it’s important for her to manage expectations from the outset, and that means not overdoing it. And if nobody is recoprocating, they don’t appreciate her gifts and aren’t her true friends.

It’s only a problem if YOU think it’s a problem. I always send DD with enough to cover her share and a bit more in case one of her friends doesn’t have enough. But in DD’s situation, it’s because most of her friends are from families that struggle. She (and I) are not trying to buy friends, but to recognize that we are fortunate to be in a position to treat others occasionally. DD has also been known to share her lunch or buy lunch from the cafeteria for a friend in need. I am more than fine with this because I came from a family that could cover our bills but had zero room for extras. I have made sure DD understands the “why”.

Anonymous wrote:Don't make your kid share a smoothie with a friend.

Everyone gets their own drinks.

My kid never had the money in his pocket for an overpriced Haagen Dasz smoothie