This may seem like an odd suggestion but I think AlAnon may be helpful for you. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and also suffers from depression/anxiety. Reading your description of how hopeless it seems to get her better and cutting off friends so they don’t see what your life at home is really like sounds a lot like what I experienced. Al anon helped me set boundaries and find ways to take care of myself and our children regardless of what my husband was doing or not doing.
I definitely agree with PPs that you should try to find her good mental health but like with an alcoholic you can’t make her want to get better.
I wish the best for you and your family- mental illness is so very difficult for all involved.

Anonymous wrote:I was just trying to get more info from OP. We only know his side of the story. I know someone who got his wife committed to a mental hospital and she didn't think it was necessary. It took her a long time to get over that he had her committed. That's why a less drastic approach should not be dismissed. Op can decide for himself as he knows the situation. I suspect he has his own issues to deal with. He should get help for himself first. Things will get better.

Was this in the 1940s? It is nearly impossible to get someone "committed to a mental hospital" against their will these days. You can barely find help for people who voluntarily want help.

It is currently impossible to “get someone committed to a mental hospital” if that person does not want to be there. In fact, the odds that any care provider will recommend inpatient treatment for OP’s wife are near zero if she is not actively suicidal. They will be very lucky if there is an intensive outpatient recommendation and a spot available.

He doesn’t need help downplaying this. It’s a real mess and it is terrible for their kids.

I was just trying to get more info from OP. We only know his side of the story. I know someone who got his wife committed to a mental hospital and she didn't think it was necessary. It took her a long time to get over that he had her committed. That's why a less drastic approach should not be dismissed. Op can decide for himself as he knows the situation. I suspect he has his own issues to deal with. He should get help for himself first. Things will get better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt like I was drowning too as a SAHM. Are you sure she is doing as little as you say? It can look like nothing was done because everything gets undone. If both kids are potty trained, it should start getting easier.

His OP says the kids are 6 and 3 and they are in daycare because the wife cannot handle their care.

Whose idea was it to put the younger one in daycare? I think I'd be depressed if my spouse decided I wasn't functioning well enough to take care of my own children. What does she do in bed all day? Is she sleeping at least or reading? Can she do anything productive like take a shower or fix herself lunch or do laundry?

How would you feel if you were a 3 year old being taken care of by an adult who was in bed 80% of the time?