Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first, and likely only child, in a couple of months. She has been going way overboard with super expensive purchases or a ton of things we likely will never use. We had the normal big expenses like crib, stroller, lounge chair, etc., but we paid more because it had to certified to be free of toxins. She has put most things on the registry, but she wants to buy a $1200 bassinet, on top of a $300 bassinet we are asking for as a gift. She currently has two types of swings, two bassinets, 3 different strollers, etc. We live in a 1,700sqft. condo, and I don’t know how we will store all of this stuff. It’s like she’s shopping for twins. We may try fir a second child, but due to her age ( 37), we likely will be one and done. I want her to be happy and we aren’t hurting for money, but I feel she’s been very excessive. Can I bring it up or just keep my mouth shut?

Anonymous wrote:A few things going on here op. First, you get a lot of conflicting data coming at you when you are pregnant. You get the "babies don't need much" compared with "be sure you have everything you need" sometimes from the same people. You get "Oh, I never left the house once my baby was born" conflicted with "Babies are portable, I took mine everywhere!". Add to that exciment that this is *your* baby, and things are even more intense. I can remember being a little girl and wanting to look at baby stuff, swings and the like. My parents had friends with babies and I'd think "someday I'll get to do this with my baby". Fast-forward to when I had my first baby, and it hit me that I was going to do the things I remember my parents doing, either things I'd seen them do, or things I'd heard them talk about, or things I'd sometimes done as a teenager. I can clearly remember my aunt giving one of my cousins a bath when he was tiny, and then giving my son a bath when he was tiny and thinking "Wow, I am doing the same thing my aunt did". I am not close to this aunt, haven't seen that cousin in years, and I was surprised at the recollection. And, this is my third baby! I think this is unique to women, men seem to want to teach their older kids things and are less focused on the baby stage, especially before the baby is born. Finally, add to all this that you have said this will probably be her (and maybe your??) only baby. This means she's only got one shot. If she doesn't experience or buy it now, she may never have the chance again. If she wants more children, and I don't know that she does, she hasn't gotten smart about how to tell you this. This board and society in general are full of posters admonishing women to "agree on the number of children before a marriage" and "the no vote always wins". The voices of our husbands are powerful, I blame too much early 1960's bubble-gum pop coupled with the idea that men and women both think they have more control over all types of things than they actually do.
Realize a couple of things. First, just about everything can be returned. You guys can stack the boxes in a corner and sort it out. Second, dial back on any "we're one and done" talk at least for now. No woman wants to feel like her husband is just waiting for the clock to run down so he can get back to his "real life". Finally, realize that different types of the same device do different things. She may very well need three strollers, one for walks, one for hauling groceries from car to condo, and maybe one because she's heard everybody just loooves it! Know that one huge down-side to condo or apartment living is that you can't leave the baby alone while you bring things into or out of the car meaning that erands take more then one adult, or mama has to get real good at carrying the baby around while holding some unwieldy grocery items, think milk, eggs, toilet paper. Since your wife used to be a nanny, she likely has a way better grasp of how she will accomplish her goals and enjoy doing so then you do. Everything can be returned, and it's doubtful you guys will get what you expect in terms of gifts. Most people just aren't willing or able to spend money on babies that are not their own, no matter how much they love you, your wife or the baby. The registry is just a suggestion, and often it is ignored. Expect to get some stuffed animals, diapers and clothes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say keep your mouth shut if you’re getting these items gifted to you. She’s probably just really excited. Let her experience all of this if it’s going to be her only child. She will probably realizes what your baby needs and return or regift the other items. I don’t see any harm in letting her go a little crazy if you’re a rent the one paying for it.

-* aren’t the one paying for it.

Yeah, who doesn’t love 17 tons of plastic clutter everywhere? Go crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say keep your mouth shut if you’re getting these items gifted to you. She’s probably just really excited. Let her experience all of this if it’s going to be her only child. She will probably realizes what your baby needs and return or regift the other items. I don’t see any harm in letting her go a little crazy if you’re a rent the one paying for it.

-* aren’t the one paying for it.

Anonymous wrote:If these items are coming from a registry then the main question in my mind would be whether or not the asks on the registry have reached an offensive price point.

Expensive items on a registry can be very tone-deaf to the point of offensiveness to the invited guests. If your wife become so out-of-touch that she is requesting items that may put her friends in a budget bind that make you both look bad. Because of this you need do need to provide a check-and-balance to her over-the-top requests but not for your own budget for in order to make sure that as a couple you are being sensitive to your friends and family.

This should be something that people should be tuned into but, as evidenced by how many people behave in regard to their weddings for example, I could not count on your wife checking herself. You may need to help her do this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has in the registry - Uppababy system, Summer 3D stroller, Lullaby swing, floor swing, bouncer, 3 different playmates, Rock n Play, Pack n Play, Halo Basisnet, portable baby dome, and and other things like feeding supplies and baby necessities. She wants to buy a Snoo, but I don’t think it’s worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will bring it up. She’s generally very minimalistic when it comes to items, but I think she’s just very excited. I agreed on the purchase of spending extra for a crib and dresser because many cheap ones are made with formaldehyde and can release methane gasses into the air. Most of what we will receive is from the registry, and not paid for ourselves. I’m more concerned with being overloaded with baby gear. My wife is also a former nanny and does have some idea of what an infant needs.

What? Cribs don’t contain chemicals like that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will bring it up. She’s generally very minimalistic when it comes to items, but I think she’s just very excited. I agreed on the purchase of spending extra for a crib and dresser because many cheap ones are made with formaldehyde and can release methane gasses into the air. Most of what we will receive is from the registry, and not paid for ourselves. I’m more concerned with being overloaded with baby gear. My wife is also a former nanny and does have some idea of what an infant needs.