Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You are insane. Get a grip.

Your husband is an asshole. Badgering, harassing, and bullying someone will not result in positive outcomes.

If your husband wants to check the portal constantly, there's no stopping him. But the rule has to be "ask about the missing work" before yelling about the missing work. Sometimes it really isn't the kid. Your husband is on a path leading to disaster. Before long the kid will use the only power he has... which is to do poorly in school and create a freakout.

As for your kid: it is a quarter, not a year. He needs to hunker down and do his work. And if he gets a D, he gets a D. He absolutely can go to college. One crappy freshman elective isn't the end of the world at all.

"I maintain that it is a HS age child's own responsibility to keep track of his grades. The student knew that he missed assignments. He also knew that those missed assignments would receive a 0% score. The student knew how the grades would be calculated (weighting is in the syllabus). The teacher does not have an obligation to continually 'remind' a disinterested pupil."

Said the parent who knows NOTHING about ADHD and disorganization.

Having lived through it, I say get the kid some help! If he had dyslexia you would get help, if he needed glasses you would get them, ADHD and the disorganization that prevents kids from turning stuff in is the same: get him an executive function coach (ask his school counselor for a name, google, and/or ask friends). He has to learn how to do this, and it's hard for kids with ADHD. I have 2 with and 1 without, and the differences are mindblowing.

Deal with your husband first and your son second. Normally I’d be all for letting natural consequences play out with the kid but you have more drama in your husband that he needs to get under control or he’ll have a stroke when teh chips fall where they may!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Relax. Who is shifting blame on "that one" or any one? That's why I said "two-way street." My only point is that, yes, teachers often do wait to enter grades until the end of the term, and that can be surprising. Since so much work is online--ie, kids don't often get back a paper test with a big red "D" on it anymore--so there is a less-frequent feedback loop. That said, of course there were clues the grade wasn't going to be good. When you hover even in B territory, and there are a number of still-missing grades, there's a statistical possibility you could reach a D if there are several tests or quizzes that are weighted more heavily than homework.

I maintain that it is a HS age child's own responsibility to keep track of his grades. The student knew that he missed assignments. He also knew that those missed assignments would receive a 0% score. The student knew how the grades would be calculated (weighting is in the syllabus). The teacher does not have an obligation to continually 'remind' a disinterested pupil.

What elective was this? I would like my kid to avoid it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Relax. Who is shifting blame on "that one" or any one? That's why I said "two-way street." My only point is that, yes, teachers often do wait to enter grades until the end of the term, and that can be surprising. Since so much work is online--ie, kids don't often get back a paper test with a big red "D" on it anymore--so there is a less-frequent feedback loop. That said, of course there were clues the grade wasn't going to be good. When you hover even in B territory, and there are a number of still-missing grades, there's a statistical possibility you could reach a D if there are several tests or quizzes that are weighted more heavily than homework.

Anonymous wrote:Stop jumping on the husband. The kid really screwed up. It's not easy to get a D in an *elective*. Surely the kid was not turning in work, not paying attention in class, etc. If this were for a B, or even C, I'd say he overreacted. But for a D, a strong response is warranted.

It's a parent job to set high expectations. If there are no repercussions for screwing around this much in 9th grade, the kid will never learn to work hard and aim high.

That said, OP--I would suggest checking in with the teacher NOT to ask about extra credit or whatever, but to see what the source of the problem was and see if the teacher will reveal the grade distribution. Response for a kid who skipped class/didn't turn in homework is different than the response toward a kid who the teacher thought was trying but who couldn't accomplish the assigned tasks.

Are you kidding me? No kid deserves to be verbally abused over a grade.

Teenagers face tough situations. Life threatening. If you have this much of an over reaction over ONE poor grade, then your kid will not trust you with the big stuff. They will learn to lie, hide and cheat in order to cover up mistakes, all so they don't have to face abusive and angry parents.

Poor kid. All of that over one D.

So much wrong with your story OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Who said the kid did not do his work? My kids catch teacher on missing a paper occasionally. This can not happen if the teacher does not enter grades.

OP stated in her OP that he failed to turn in multiple assignments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

So the kid thought he wasn’t on the road to a D even though he wasn’t turning in assignments? He needs to work on his logic skills, then. You can’t just not do the work and expect a grade higher than a D.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Who said the kid did not do his work? My kids catch teacher on missing a paper occasionally. This can not happen if the teacher does not enter grades.

Scolding or blaming OP is not helpful. If you dont have anything constructive to say, just say NOTHING.


1 - your husband's ands reaction is not ideal - talk to him about the long term goal foryour son: successful, happy, proud life (whatever that means to him). Explain to husband that exploding at DS is harmful in the long run, and he needs to be more constructive.

2 - son needs to take some responsibility. Did he not turn stuff in (maybe ADHD?)? Not study for tests? Talk with his counselor, because maybe he needs some organizational help. And, because he has a D this quarter doesn't mean the D goes on the transcript. Only the semester grade does. So, if B q1 and D q1, then he will show a C for the semester. Gets As or Bs the next 2 quarters and it'll show as a B for the 2nd semester because C + B = B in MCPS, so no big deal in the long run. If there's a possibility of ADHD, and or he is disorganized, talk to his counselor about solutions for him for this. Consider writing a note to the teacher saying you didnt realize he was doing so poorly, and do you mind if I check in with you every 2 weeks to see how he's doing/if anything is missing (assuming your child has the same teacher for the next semester). And, give your child logical consequences - you didnt put in the time to do the work, you are not going to get extra time for fun (video games or other fun activity).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

I would be much more worried about husband’s behavior than son’s. You can work with him in a positive way to help his executive functioning skills or whatever that kept his grade low. But dad modeling this behavior is simply unacceptable.