Anonymous wrote:Older women worry less about being "nice" so they are more direct and no BS than younger women. Kind of like men. But people hate women for it.

THIS! It is nice when you get to a certain age and don't care what people think of you. You realize that your needs can come first.

Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

The last generation of SAHMs adjusting to a new world of “mixed” DILs. They don’t get why both SAHMs and WOHMs these days aren’t automatically taking on emotional labor, bulk of chores, etc.

Their moms, grandmothers and peers all managed most of the household and emotional labor. They were also taught to be nice and deferential and “feminine.” They don’t always adjust.

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

I’m another middle aged woman who has never seen older women in the neighborhood telling younger ones what to do. I do notice that it is the middle aged and older women who volunteer for the community positions that involve planning neighborhood activities such as the Halloween parade and the end of school party and so forth- maybe there’s a perception of being told what to do in those situations? But I have never had a neighbor, male or female, tell me how to take care of my lawn or my children. That would be pretty odd.

And what is “ding dong ditch”? Is it ringing a doorbell and running away, by any chance? Because if that’s the case, I can’t imagine anyone enjoying going to the door to find no one there, especially if you are busy in another part of the house. Are you saying young women enjoy answering the door to find no one there but older women do not? What does being a busybody have to do with being annoyed at answering your door when no one is there? And did you really find it entertaining to watch kids do this? I’m surprised an adult would find that “the best/most entertaining happening.”

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

Because we’re crazy so don’t mess with us or you’ll get the wooden spoon!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

Yes, I should acknowledge that you said "sweeping generalizations" in your post so thanks for that. It's just interesting to me because now that I'm in my 60s I feel none of the sadness other DCUMers mention about losing their looks. I love being in my 60s and it doesn't feel like a loss at all. Sorry to say this, oh, people who were beautiful when you were young, but it really feels like a triumph, given the way I felt like an outsider when I was young. Wish I could bottle this and send lots of samples to people in their teens!

That is awesome pp. You are awesome!

Sometimes beauty and loss of attention has a lot to do with the attitudes. You get attention and fawning over for being beautiful or being in charge...

I think one of the other posters is right...a lot of older women grew up being told what to do, with the promise that if they towed the line, they would be the woman "in charge" of everyone else when they were grandmother's age.

It happened to me at work when younger- the older women wanted to be "obeyed." It's happened to me in my family...the older women want to "be obeyed" because they deferred to their elders until the elders died. You basically are "supposed to" be obedient, even when the advice or direction does not make sense.

Heck, it's even happening to me in my neighborhood. I'm in my late 40s and the women in their 60s and 70s want to be "in charge" and show me how to keep our yard, show us how it's done etc... We've owned four previous houses people, and are in middle age! They seemed stunned when I am nice to them, but don't take their admonishments to heart.

I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way.

Anonymous wrote:Most (not all) of the relative vents are about older women being manipulative, demanding and not respecting boundaries. I see the same thing in my extended family. My MIL and aunt behave the same way. Was this generation trained in these skills? It just seems like an exhausting way to live but also seems so common.

Why do they care how other people live their lives? Why do they obsess about getting their way?

Are you a younger woman? Check back with us in a few years and you can tell us the answer..lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

Yes, I should acknowledge that you said "sweeping generalizations" in your post so thanks for that. It's just interesting to me because now that I'm in my 60s I feel none of the sadness other DCUMers mention about losing their looks. I love being in my 60s and it doesn't feel like a loss at all. Sorry to say this, oh, people who were beautiful when you were young, but it really feels like a triumph, given the way I felt like an outsider when I was young. Wish I could bottle this and send lots of samples to people in their teens!

That is awesome pp. You are awesome!

Sometimes beauty and loss of attention has a lot to do with the attitudes. You get attention and fawning over for being beautiful or being in charge...

I think one of the other posters is right...a lot of older women grew up being told what to do, with the promise that if they towed the line, they would be the woman "in charge" of everyone else when they were grandmother's age.

It happened to me at work when younger- the older women wanted to be "obeyed." It's happened to me in my family...the older women want to "be obeyed" because they deferred to their elders until the elders died. You basically are "supposed to" be obedient, even when the advice or direction does not make sense.

Heck, it's even happening to me in my neighborhood. I'm in my late 40s and the women in their 60s and 70s want to be "in charge" and show me how to keep our yard, show us how it's done etc... We've owned four previous houses people, and are in middle age! They seemed stunned when I am nice to them, but don't take their admonishments to heart.

The reason most of the relative vents seem to be about older manipulative women is that the nature of DCUM is for negative venting. People who are very happy with their mom or MIL don't generally start a thread about it.

You need to watch a few episodes of the Bachelor. The women are non stop manipulative.

Yep. And imagine these same women and their behavior, and the picture them all as older and, maybe not unattractive, but not attractive in the way a young woman is. Would anyone cut these older women any slack? You bet not. Likely no one would even watch, because who really cares that much about older women?

Manipulative people exist, men and women, older and younger. You’ve just happened to run into a number of older women in this category, OP, but they are certainly not the only ones in this world.

Anonymous wrote:Hence why I love older women.

I love and try to emulate strong, disciplined, fun and funny older women - it's the persnickety, bitter, snarky, petulant ones I could do without.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

Yes, I should acknowledge that you said "sweeping generalizations" in your post so thanks for that. It's just interesting to me because now that I'm in my 60s I feel none of the sadness other DCUMers mention about losing their looks. I love being in my 60s and it doesn't feel like a loss at all. Sorry to say this, oh, people who were beautiful when you were young, but it really feels like a triumph, given the way I felt like an outsider when I was young. Wish I could bottle this and send lots of samples to people in their teens!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.