Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 07:21     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:Why weren’t you excited about his new car?


I wouldn't be excited about my spouse getting a new car or a new toaster or a new pair of underwear. It's just buying something.

If OP's spouse is a car nut and it's special to him, that's another story.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2019 23:52     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Why weren’t you excited about his new car?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2019 08:09     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stop being scared of his reactions — if he wants to act like an a$$, that’s on him; don’t tip-toe around him and avoid stating how you feel. Stand up for yourself and stop tolerating his behavior.

PP who finally left the room after your DH treated you so poorly for years — what kept you from doing that earlier? Why did it take years to draw that boundary about basic respect? Why was it “huge” to assert yourself and leave the room?


Same reason as to why most people put up with this sort of low-key yet insidious abuse: it is very much like the environment I was raised in. I've battled depression and anxiety for decades. I'm terrified of people being mad at me. Basically, I've been beaten down, kept down, and yet desperate to please the people who do that to me, for most of my life.

Yes, I'm in therapy. Fairly new to it. I only recently realized how dysfunctional it all is. I'm working on a lot of things.


Thank you for your honest response. I’m glad for you and sending you virtual support.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2019 02:19     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:Is this is a car he has been really wanting to get, saved up for, been driving an old car for awhile, loves cars, spent a lot of time looking to find the right one etc. then your reaction of complete indifference is cold and likely intentional. You don't have to love cars to care that he is getting something he is excited about.

His response is immature but so was your intentional lack of reaction or interest in something important to him.

You guys need counseling.


This
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2019 01:35     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like he's not that into you anymore and therefore finds everything you say and do, or don't do, annoying. In a 50 yr old guy that probably means he has someone on the side and/or has one foot out the door.

It feels like gaslighting when someone treats you like this, because they know why they're always pissed but refuse to tell you, leaving you wondering all the time and trying to make it stop without knowing how.


This sounds right to me.

I got very impatient and testy with my spouse early in my affair. A couple of years in, I've learned to keep things much smoother. But I recall being irritated at every little thing when I was first falling for someone else.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2019 19:56     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:You have to stop being scared of his reactions — if he wants to act like an a$$, that’s on him; don’t tip-toe around him and avoid stating how you feel. Stand up for yourself and stop tolerating his behavior.

PP who finally left the room after your DH treated you so poorly for years — what kept you from doing that earlier? Why did it take years to draw that boundary about basic respect? Why was it “huge” to assert yourself and leave the room?


Same reason as to why most people put up with this sort of low-key yet insidious abuse: it is very much like the environment I was raised in. I've battled depression and anxiety for decades. I'm terrified of people being mad at me. Basically, I've been beaten down, kept down, and yet desperate to please the people who do that to me, for most of my life.

Yes, I'm in therapy. Fairly new to it. I only recently realized how dysfunctional it all is. I'm working on a lot of things.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2019 19:09     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Sounds to me like he's not that into you anymore and therefore finds everything you say and do, or don't do, annoying. In a 50 yr old guy that probably means he has someone on the side and/or has one foot out the door.

It feels like gaslighting when someone treats you like this, because they know why they're always pissed but refuse to tell you, leaving you wondering all the time and trying to make it stop without knowing how.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2019 18:43     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
He has low self esteem or mental issues.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2019 15:45     Subject: Husband is offended by everything
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a man baby.


+1