Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true

As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.

Same. It's just awful.

Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true

As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that maternal grandparents are closer and more involved with their grandkids. Is this true? What are your experiences like?

If the ILs are looking for excuses to be terrible/uninvolved/less involved grandparents, I don't imagine they were wonderful parents, OP. Since you asked.

Anonymous wrote:Basic biology. Grandmothers can always be sure that their DDs' children are blood related and carry their genes.

mazel tov.

More closer? MORE CLOSER?!

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that maternal grandparents are closer and more involved with their grandkids. Is this true? What are your experiences like?

One set of grandparents loves to travel, are low/fun/direct conversationalists, and will probably spend all their money. The other set of grandparents are homebodies, cheap and frugal, quiet, and will probably pass down $4 million and a few cash cow rental properties.

We are closer to both but it is hard to be close to those who just don't talk much or relate to anything. Other set we just pick and choose which of their trips to meet them on.

I think the grandparents with more money (assuming they spend it on kids) have the closer relationship with the grandchildren. And this gets more true as grandchildren get older.

This is the NYT article:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/03/21/well/family/the-maternal-grandparent-advantage.amp.html

It’s not true in my family, though. My husband is very close with his family and was the primary caregiver early on so both sets of parents are pretty equally involved. He makes the effort to skype with them, make travel plans, etc, and I do it with my side.

I suspect this is cultural and will change as gender roles shift and men take on more of the social labor described in the article. So if you have sons (which I do) and want to reverse the trend, raise them to fully share the burden of relationship management.

Not in our family. I'm very close to my parents but my brother and his family live closer and my parents are just smitten with my nephew. He's the first grandkid to live near them and it's just adorable to see their sweet relationship. My parents love my kids to pieces but they just don't see them as much so it's not the same.

I think it is generally true and it starts as early as when the woman is pregnant/gives birth. Of course it is not the case with every family, but speaking in broad generalities it is true.

Mil made an effort to be with her grandkids but still wouldn’t volunteer to help out when I needed it and let any and everyone know. She died and now fil who never made any effort wants us to do all the visiting but it’s rarely convenient for him. He always has an excuse for why we shouldn’t visit but tells everyone on that side of the family we don’t want to ever go by. Dh has no patience for it so contact is next to nothing and fil continues to be the victim. Maybe because there wasn’t much contact before kids dh doesn’t care to start something up now.

In our family it's true. I make plans to see my family. He does not make plans to see his. He is welcome to do so and chooses not to. I make plans with his family for holidays so they aren't left out. I see my family on my own without my husband quite often. We meet for lunch during the week or my mom comes to an event at school and we go get coffee after.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true

It’s actually not universal.

My brother got married at the age of 38. Do you think he was Mr. Birthday Remember who called often and prioritized family vacations and holidays, and then suddenly ignored us when he took a wife? Uh, no.

He’s always been fairly flaky and useless when it comes to family stuff. If anything, he’s CLOSER to us now, as his wife will remind him of birthdays and have him call to make holiday plans with us after she gets her side squared away.

This is true of my husband and me. I maintain much closer relations with his family than he used to do before we got married. But, the relationship between my family and me is still MUCH stronger, more flexible, and longer-lasting. Nothing can compare.

Anonymous wrote:I believe the maternal grandmother is closer due to mother-daughter bond which contributes to the DIL making sure her family is closer to her mom.

I agree with the first part of this, I am just way more comfortable telling my mom and dad what to do / not to do parenting wise than my MIL. And especially regarding help right after my kids were born I wanted my mom there. My in laws are lovely but I did not want them there while I tried to figure out breastfeeding , was crying for every reason and no reason every 5 minutes and was unshowered for days. The first go around they were staying with us right after I got back from the hospital and it was awkward for everyone. That trend just kind of continues I think and therefore my mom is a lot closer to my kids. My in laws are way closer to my SILs kids and also they were the first grandchildren. Just how it is for us.

Basic biology. Grandmothers can always be sure that their DDs' children are blood related and carry their genes.