OP here - after nearly two months, my DD returned all on her own. She said she does not know why she ran, but go tired of running and wanted to come home. I'm assuming I will never know the truth, but she is back. She has to go through a program (court mandated) but she is near by and we, as the parents can visit her during the week/weekends.
The reason I did not respond to some of the questions is that when your down, you need encouraging words, not questions and nastiness. I want to thank those who had positive responses - it was much appreciated!!
Keeping my fingers crossed this was just a bump in the road and we are on the straight and narrow now.

My friend's daughter left home at 16. Her father (my friend's husband) is a narcissistic asshole and very controlling in a way he thinks is funny. He isn't angry / aggressive at all but is emotionally abusive in his 'jokes' and how he talks to others.

My friend's daughter stayed home to 'work' while the family were out for the day. They came home to find she had cleaned out her belongings and left them a letter.

The letter basically said she was leaving because of dad. That she had an eating disorder and depression and since he mocked those things she could never get better at home. She also realized that it was home that led to the development of both those things as she fought for control and felt helpless and that she had started to become suicidal and realized she had to get out. She said she never intended to see or speak to her father again abut that she wanted to maintain contact with my friend and her siblings as long as they never told her father where she was or any information about her. She also said in the letter that P.S mom - he treats you just as bad, I don't know why you take it but I am not going to live like that.

It's been two years and true to her word, she has not seen or spoken to her father and she did not come home despite his demands that she do so immediately. He initially forbade my friend or the other kids from seeing her. My friend did secretly see her a number of times. One of the best things to come out of it is that watching her daughter has empowered my friend to actually stand up to him a little more. She now openly sees her daughter and took her daughter and other kids away for the Christmas holidays, leaving dad at home and against his wishes.

Her daughter is happy and healthy and in therapy. Dad controls all money and he has refused to pay for anything for her so she is taking a couple courses at community college and working full time. My friend sees her often and the siblings do as well. The next younger sibling is now 16 and is threatening to do the same and move in with her sister. My friend still sticks by her husband.

Op asked for help but won't answer the question everyone has

I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. Ignore the awful people on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:OP, technically she can emancipate herself from you. I would definitely try to get info and hire a PI. I personally would go into my retirement or whatever to make sure my child is safe. I would also offer to get family therapy if she comes home. Something is not going right at home and it needs to be worked out. That doesn't mean it's anyone's fault or maybe it's both of your faults, doesn't matter. What matters is becoming a healthy family.

FWIW In DC I think they don't really allow 16 year olds to emancipate formally. MD is restrictive too but VA does allow for it at age 16. Various laws in different states.

OP, the runaway hotline that was previously posted is a good source. The link for parent info is below

https://www.1800runaway.org/resources-links/resources-for-parents-guardians/

The rest of you need to help or shut up.
-former runaway teen now a together 45 year old adult from a family whose mother didn't "choose a man over me."

OP, technically she can emancipate herself from you. I would definitely try to get info and hire a PI. I personally would go into my retirement or whatever to make sure my child is safe. I would also offer to get family therapy if she comes home. Something is not going right at home and it needs to be worked out. That doesn't mean it's anyone's fault or maybe it's both of your faults, doesn't matter. What matters is becoming a healthy family.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s taking spelling and grammar lessons somewhere and does not want you to know.

What a bitchy response. Hope you are proud of yourself.

Maybe she’s taking spelling and grammar lessons somewhere and does not want you to know.

I would hire a PI.

My elderly grandmother moved out to live on her own at that age. She had a job and lived with her older sister.
Perhaps you could help her rent a room and find work, then at least you would know she is ok

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

A person has asked for help and the majority of answers are NOT links to resources or suggestions on what to do, but attempts to blame either the poster or her family. Maybe they are to blame, but seriously, is now the time to be on your high horse?

Call this number, now.

1-800-786-2929 1-800-RUNAWAY

https://www.1800runaway.org

They can put you in touch with some resources to get you to the next steps. They can give you some suggestions on what to do next, including some of the legal issues your daughter needs to consider and for you as well.

I think you should just listen to this pp. Forget about all the mean posts.

OP, I’m sorry your child is missing. I hope she’s safe. I hope that help is available.

There are a lot of posters on this thread making a lot of assumptions. We don’t know anything about this person’s home life. She doesn’t owe us answers either. You may be correct, or you may be wrong, but the way you are approaching the OP is entirely counterproductive. Despite what intervention-style television shows would have you believe, mobbing someone is a bad idea.

I agree that it may be a case of choosing a man over kid. But it could also be the beginning of mental illness starting to show. This is when it happens.

OP, why aren't you answering the question about whether you have moved a man into your home?