It cost me $50k to get pregnant twice and daycare will soon cost us $40k a year. The joys of parenting are priceless, however, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I have been kind of surprised at how unenjoyable large parts of the having kids enterprise has been.

On an UMC income, you can often end up with precious little left over for any kind of enjoyment luxuries once you have coughed up for what is not expected for UMC kids -- music lessons, extensive SAT tutoring, test prep; daycare; sports lessons, daycamps, more tutors, driving lessons, orthodontics, etc. It's entirely possible to be UMC and still live in a tiny house and drive old cars while saving all your money for college.

It seems like the only way around that is to only have one child.

I also was simply not prepared for the fact that today expectations are that you will be "on" all the time with your kids, that you have to go over every homework assignment, stay at the music lesson with them, know all the kids' friends, be at the elementary school seemingly all the time volunteering, that you will use up all your leave some years just staying home with sick kids and volunteering at school with no time left over for a vacation. (In other words, parenting seems like a lot more fun in Europe than it does in the US what with maternity leave, generous summer vacations and a lot less parental input into the schools.)

I also didn't expect it would feel so damned lonely. If your kids are doing well at something -- music, athletics, school -- you may find that you are therefore surrounded by competimommies who want to race your musician against theirs, your athlete against theirs. Not a lot of real true friendship there. If your kid has issues, people will avoid you.

I've been amazed at how stressful parenting is in this environment, how lonely it is and how expensive it is. It is not at all what I envisioned. The kids are great but all the other stuff kinda sucks.

I'm sure it's a complete coincidence that the kind of person who wrote this post also raised a bunch of jerky kids who don't seem to like him/her that much.

Op - you are a sad human being

Kids have zero financial benefit. Duh. But your time on this rock should be about something other than money. You are but a speck of dust in the universe. So when you think about it from that perspective, few things can match the joy of having children. On one's deathbed, very few people would say that they wish they had more money and fewer children.

just that this thread exists

All of you expecting your children to wipe your butts when you're older, do your kids know that?

And you're already planning on being bedridden and trying to avoid bedsores? How unhealthy are you? My grandfather is still able and walking at 91. Both my grandmothers were the same until they went.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are a giant financial sink hole with no upside.
I've had three and all are teenagers now. They are total jerks and act like they know it all. The oldest is heading to college next year so even when they turn 18 they are not off the books.
Without kids my net worth would be a lot more.

I love them but they are not useful to me. I was researching state law recently and ran across a few sections that discussed a parent legal right to all earned income of their children. It got me thinking that once children worked and contributed to the household. Any more they just suck up resources and provide absolutely no benefit to anyone.

My wife says they are going to help us when we are old. I calculated it up and if I had invested all the money spent on kids there would be more than enough to pay for high quality elder care. I think that might have worked out better than expecting children not to move away and show up once a week to see if we fell down a broke a hip.

Stereotype you sound asian logical and maybe a little cheap. Asians have kids so they get taken care of in their old age.

You are a racist and your miserable kids will be racists. Hope to god you don’t have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are quick to jump on OP but it’s one reason birthrates are down in industrialized nations. And that’s a good thing. One thing that drives me nuts about this website is that someone comes on saying they don’t know if they should have kids, and then everyone tries to talk them into it. Why? If you’re at all unsure, don’t have them. And certainly don’t view them as a financial investment.

Well it's a "thing," but not at all clear that it's good. If we don't get back to a 2.0 replacement rate soon, the effects on public policy could be enormous. Medicare, Social Security, etc will all have to be reevaluated in light of an older population with fewer and fewer young workers to sustain it. Just ask China, which is grappling with some unintended consequences of its "one child" policy.

Hmm, I wonder if there are any public policy directions that would support people having more children, or gaining younger members of the workforce through other ways than birth...just speculating.

Starts with an "i" and rhymes with zimmernation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are quick to jump on OP but it’s one reason birthrates are down in industrialized nations. And that’s a good thing. One thing that drives me nuts about this website is that someone comes on saying they don’t know if they should have kids, and then everyone tries to talk them into it. Why? If you’re at all unsure, don’t have them. And certainly don’t view them as a financial investment.

Well it's a "thing," but not at all clear that it's good. If we don't get back to a 2.0 replacement rate soon, the effects on public policy could be enormous. Medicare, Social Security, etc will all have to be reevaluated in light of an older population with fewer and fewer young workers to sustain it. Just ask China, which is grappling with some unintended consequences of its "one child" policy.

Hmm, I wonder if there are any public policy directions that would support people having more children, or gaining younger members of the workforce through other ways than birth...just speculating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are a giant financial sink hole with no upside.
I've had three and all are teenagers now. They are total jerks and act like they know it all. The oldest is heading to college next year so even when they turn 18 they are not off the books.
Without kids my net worth would be a lot more.

I love them but they are not useful to me. I was researching state law recently and ran across a few sections that discussed a parent legal right to all earned income of their children. It got me thinking that once children worked and contributed to the household. Any more they just suck up resources and provide absolutely no benefit to anyone.

My wife says they are going to help us when we are old. I calculated it up and if I had invested all the money spent on kids there would be more than enough to pay for high quality elder care. I think that might have worked out better than expecting children not to move away and show up once a week to see if we fell down a broke a hip.

If they are jerks, that’s on you and your wife.

You raised these asshole kids. Even if you have high quality elder care with your- wholesome attitude , I'm pretty sure your caregiver will spit on your food and let you sit on your dirty diaper. Enjoy your bedsores! It's not too late to fix your relationship with your kids.

Exactly. Apple, meet Tree.

Anonymous wrote:People are quick to jump on OP but it’s one reason birthrates are down in industrialized nations. And that’s a good thing. One thing that drives me nuts about this website is that someone comes on saying they don’t know if they should have kids, and then everyone tries to talk them into it. Why? If you’re at all unsure, don’t have them. And certainly don’t view them as a financial investment.

Well it's a "thing," but not at all clear that it's good. If we don't get back to a 2.0 replacement rate soon, the effects on public policy could be enormous. Medicare, Social Security, etc will all have to be reevaluated in light of an older population with fewer and fewer young workers to sustain it. Just ask China, which is grappling with some unintended consequences of its "one child" policy.

I was a child model. If you had cuter kids, they could have contributed to the household income.

Anonymous wrote:People are quick to jump on OP but it’s one reason birthrates are down in industrialized nations. And that’s a good thing. One thing that drives me nuts about this website is that someone comes on saying they don’t know if they should have kids, and then everyone tries to talk them into it. Why? If you’re at all unsure, don’t have them. And certainly don’t view them as a financial investment.

Who in this country thinks they are an investment?

People are quick to jump on OP but it’s one reason birthrates are down in industrialized nations. And that’s a good thing. One thing that drives me nuts about this website is that someone comes on saying they don’t know if they should have kids, and then everyone tries to talk them into it. Why? If you’re at all unsure, don’t have them. And certainly don’t view them as a financial investment.