Anonymous wrote:Thoughts?

Who did you rather date?

The one who made you chase or the nice person

The grown up in the room. Is one of them a grown up?

When I was in my teens and twenties, I gravitated towards nerdy, romantic, “nice” guys because I associated those traits with loyalty and kindness. Many (not all) of those overlooked geeks are actually bitter, toxic, and entitled. I married a handsome, confident, successful man who is truly kind.

My DH is a very nice guy who has been very successful. But if you really cross him or let him or a group down he can be very tough.

My DH is a very kind person who cares very much about others’ feelings but he is also very bright, with strong opinions that he’s not afraid to express. He’s incapable of playing games and he dotes on his loved ones — a definite “nice guy” (and he does happen to be a CPA!) — but he’s endlessly interesting to me and just very solid. It works for me.

Just as a wise man knows himself to be a fool. A truly nice guy understands that, deep down, he's not really that nice.

I don't think it's so much that "nice" people finish last so much as "dull" people finish last.

If you are nice and have a cool/interesting/exciting job (firefighter, magazine columnist, advertising executive), or do some kind of extreme sport (triathlons or skydiving, etc.), have interesting hobbies (studying to be a sommelier in your spare time) then you will do better than the equally nice CPA, or squash player, or stamp collector.

Attractiveness and charisma matter a lot too. Money doesn't hurt.

Anonymous wrote:A guy who says he's a nice guy is an automatic no for me. And yes, I do like being pursued and the chase, so she me, but I'm confident in myself to know not to deal with the douchebags.
They're pretty rare but it is possible to find good looking, well put together, with decent jobs, not skanky, actual nice guys. Nice in general, not just pretending and being nice go get in a woman's pants then being a little bitch if rejected.

*sue me

A guy who says he's a nice guy is an automatic no for me. And yes, I do like being pursued and the chase, so she me, but I'm confident in myself to know not to deal with the douchebags.
They're pretty rare but it is possible to find good looking, well put together, with decent jobs, not skanky, actual nice guys. Nice in general, not just pretending and being nice go get in a woman's pants then being a little bitch if rejected.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

How do you get to be CEO without being a self-promoter?

Consistently deliver excellent results and make a lot of money for owners/shareholders. When you do that you don't need to pat yourself on the back.

I'm skeptical that this is how it works generally, but glad it worked out for DH.

To get to the top you have to know how to compete. Some do it well but many will climb over people.

Anyone catch that toxic masculinity Gillette ad that's getting a lot of buzz today?

That got me wondering in the context of this thread, did the women here marry the guys who are toxically masculine or the guy who tells the other guys to be nicer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

How do you get to be CEO without being a self-promoter?

Consistently deliver excellent results and make a lot of money for owners/shareholders. When you do that you don't need to pat yourself on the back.

I'm skeptical that this is how it works generally, but glad it worked out for DH.

Unfortunately many women mistake being aggressive or an a$$hole for being confident.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

How do you get to be CEO without being a self-promoter?

Consistently deliver excellent results and make a lot of money for owners/shareholders. When you do that you don't need to pat yourself on the back.

I posted earlier that I think this is a crock, but I’ll elaborate on this. I dated two guys that used to say this, and I’m sure when I broke up with them, they told someone it was because they were “too nice,” but that’s really not what it was.
Both were very passive aggressive and guilt-trippy. If I didn’t want to do somethjng, they’d cajole me and guilt trip me until l I gave in. Both were jealous, often down-talking other men in my life, in a weird insecure competitive way. At least one of them clearly had things he didn’t like about me, but rather than finding a different woman who was a better fit for him, would make backhanded compliments and roundabout suggestions to try to change me. They were both nice guys, in their way, and both were pretty decent platonic friends—-they were just so insecure that they were terrible boyfriends.

But I think guys who are genuinely kind and comfortable in their own skin do well on the dating market. I don’t know about the job market—I think that depends on the field but I guess it’s no secret that capitalism doesn’t always reward kindness.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

How do you get to be CEO without being a self-promoter?