Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 14:04     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:have a frank talk with her and tell her:
honey- that's great and all, but we are not going shopping to buy you any new stuff for the next 6 months. and I am not replacing anything. are you positive you want to get rid of everything, or maybe keep a few more things?

then stick to it- and don't buy her more.

(and I would secretly take 10-15 items out and save them just in case- or even make her buy them back from you if she changes her mind.)


I like decluttering, but for adults.


I think you missed the update that a lot of it was handmedowns that don't even fit her anymore!
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 13:30     Subject: Re:marie kondo cleansing
You can donate the instrument, even with it missing a key. There are groups that fix them up and give them to schools with low income students.
Some groups will also clean jackets, call around and see if there are any places where you can donate jackets that just need a bit of work. It might cost you $50 to get that jacket cleaned and mended, but a non-profit might have an arrangement with a company that will do it cheaper.

As you find places who'll take things, make a note of it. So when you go through your clothes, and decide your long winter coat from 6 seasons ago isn't "you" anymore, you already know where to take it.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:23     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I like the cleansing but it seems super drastic! And to even find it, I need to open them up all to see where in those massive pile the coats are for example. She also didn’t really want me to look. And she said she won’t miss them and won’t ever ask for a replacement nor need a spare. But like for the coats, she had two north faces, one HH, one gap, one Canada goose in there!


Tell her you would like to look to determine what/where to donate and what to possibly give away to a friend/ relative. Just let her know it's no judgement and you won't question anything she tossed. While respecting your DD's decision you are the one who purchased these items and should have a say where they end up if she doesn't want them.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:11     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
OP, do you overbuy for yourself also or just your kids? My 13 yo dd has two coats-one waterproof/snow and another warm one with shearling. That is more than enough. Why does your dd have so many coats, all in her current size?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:09     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:I have to pay my DD $5 per item purged. Also have a rule that a new old in -- requires an old item out. We don't have a large house and don't have room for lots of extra stuff.


Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:08     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:have a frank talk with her and tell her:
honey- that's great and all, but we are not going shopping to buy you any new stuff for the next 6 months. and I am not replacing anything. are you positive you want to get rid of everything, or maybe keep a few more things?

then stick to it- and don't buy her more.

(and I would secretly take 10-15 items out and save them just in case- or even make her buy them back from you if she changes her mind.)


I like decluttering, but for adults.


You’re way too controlling and you sound like someone who's encouraging people to be hoarders.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 10:29     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
I have to pay my DD $5 per item purged. Also have a rule that a new old in -- requires an old item out. We don't have a large house and don't have room for lots of extra stuff.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 09:56     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
I think it's great that she's doing this (esp. with her subsequent agreement to sort so stuff can be disposed of properly). I'm not that neat a person by nature (habit, really) but I love having a clean room and clean drawers/closets.

My teen dd will go on a decluttering binge every now and then. It's hard for her to get the momentum but once she goes for it she does a good job. My 11 year old dd doesn't have the patience or stamina to do it herself but when I took an entire day (with my mom to help) and really purged her room, it made such a difference in her stress levels.

Especially with the decent winter coats that someone will get great use out of, I think donating them is fantastic. I'm looking out the window at all the snow right now and thinking that there are kids who can't get outside and enjoy it on a snow day because they don't have warm coats. Our schools all have coat drives -- I'd check with dd's school as well.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 09:16     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:have a frank talk with her and tell her:
honey- that's great and all, but we are not going shopping to buy you any new stuff for the next 6 months. and I am not replacing anything. are you positive you want to get rid of everything, or maybe keep a few more things?

then stick to it- and don't buy her more.

(and I would secretly take 10-15 items out and save them just in case- or even make her buy them back from you if she changes her mind.)


I like decluttering, but for adults.


Make her buy them back??? That’s very odd
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 09:16     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
* teach them
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 09:15     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:have a frank talk with her and tell her:
honey- that's great and all, but we are not going shopping to buy you any new stuff for the next 6 months. and I am not replacing anything. are you positive you want to get rid of everything, or maybe keep a few more things?

then stick to it- and don't buy her more.

(and I would secretly take 10-15 items out and save them just in case- or even make her buy them back from you if she changes her mind.)


I like decluttering, but for adults.


Super strange. Decluttering is an awesome skill for a teen to learn. I make my kids go through their things every few months and do a donation and/or trash pile. They’re teens, odd things accumulate, they out grow stuff etc. they love their rooms feeling very organized and clean now but it was a process to reach them to get rid of unneeded or wanted items on a routine basis.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 23:33     Subject: Re:marie kondo cleansing
Donate all the office/school supplies to a school. Donate the clothes.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 23:12     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
have a frank talk with her and tell her:
honey- that's great and all, but we are not going shopping to buy you any new stuff for the next 6 months. and I am not replacing anything. are you positive you want to get rid of everything, or maybe keep a few more things?

then stick to it- and don't buy her more.

(and I would secretly take 10-15 items out and save them just in case- or even make her buy them back from you if she changes her mind.)


I like decluttering, but for adults.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 18:56     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for some of the useful thoughts some of you. For the judgemental folks, my dd is in the hockey team and she gets tons of giveaways on bags, water bottles coats etc.

So for the coat concerned folks
2 north faces from her annual teams coats
Hellyhanson. I bought it for her since she really liked two years ago and no longer fits

Gap, zipper issues. Doesn’t fit. Haven’t had time to go around fixing it before donating

Canada goose- neighbors daughter coat. Couldn’t fit so gave it to my daughter. She can no longer fit in it any more. Small fray at the sleeves and some seams, not dry cleaned. (Costs $50 bucks = a new coat from Costco) So I don’t think it is worth to dry clean, get it altered and fixed just to donate?

She is not sure if she wants to donate 10 used camelbacks, siggs. They were just used for a month but because it was given out by the summer camp, they wrote her names all over the bottle in sharipies, well used etc. So it’s not that she is deliberately wasting it but rather just have no need for them but yet didn’t think it was good enough to donate because she had used it and had her name written on it etc.

Anyway update got her to agree to sort through again and categorize as trash and donateable. Sweaters yeah, maybe too many and they made it to the donation pile. But does anyone want an unwashed third hand Canada goose that needs fixing? Or a clarinet that no longer plays because a key has dropped off? Or stationery obtained over the years and has 40% ink left? Or do they belong in junk.

I couldn’t quite process the drastic cleansing and surprised she did it right to the minimalist extreme. The only thing is I had to not be present as she didn’t want me to see her sort through them. She kind of felt it was a privacy cleansing that she had to only work through herself. Kinda like the show!



Yes, definitly do that.

I think it's a good step to see what she needs/ does not need but she needs to continue to apply that to future shopping needs.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 18:55     Subject: marie kondo cleansing
After your update, OP, it sounds like she was getting rid of stuff she didn’t need and can’t use. Good for her! I hope you praise her and help her dispose of the things properly, and then help her going forward get rid of things regularly so they don’t clutter up her room. Many people need help learning how to do that.