Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 12:25     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Wait until they have to live their life out of suitcases and have to deal with the guilt of who to see during the holidays. They will beat themselves up over it and internalize more than you will ever comprehend.

None of it is real to them.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:56     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
When I was 15, my dad had moved out for a short while, and things were so peaceful at home. I went ballistic when he tried to return home one day, and I begged him to leave. They began divorce proceedings shortly after that. I was so relieved. My mom had been resisting divorce prior to that due to her religious beliefs (she believed divorce was only appropriate in cases of infidelity).

If I see things negatively affecting my kids, and things are unlikely to change in the marriage, I would go ahead and get divorced. It can be healthier for kids than growing up in an unhappy home.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:51     Subject: Re:Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
I wouldn't hesitate to divorce when I could see if was negatively affecting my children.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:45     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
I wish people could be more kind and forgiving to their parents. Some of you had parents that divorced and it was awful and you wished they’d stayed together. Some of you had parents that stayed together and it was awful and you wished they’d divorced. Can you all acknowledge that, in the moment, it was probably really hard for your parents to know which route was better? Hindsight is 20-20 but the future is always unclear.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 11:00     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
There was abuse in my home and as a child I prayed daily for my parents to divorce. Unfortunately they waited til my freshman year of college.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 07:37     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
How bout adults start acting like adults and stop fighting. Sorry I have too many friends who divorced becUse they fell out of love and promised to raise the kids as friends. If no abuse you should stay married. Grow up nothing is perfect. Your kids want parents to be together. All my friends whose parents divorced still talk about the pain and they are in their forties. As a society we need to stop saying things that are wrong are okay. They are not. Date before you are married not after.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2019 00:03     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.


Jesus. Why do you have so much hate for them when they love you and have done so much for you?


NP. I also wished my parents divorced. They were fundamentally good people but very incompatible. They basically made each other miserable throughout my childhood. They are still making each other miserable except now they are too old to start over (late 70s).

Choosing to stay in a bad marriage is not a sacrifice I would ever expect from my parents. Nor is it something that I would ever thank them for.

The only thing that my sibling and I learned from our parents choosing to stay married at all costs is to be extremely commitment-phobic. Both of us were afraid of ending up stuck in a bad marriage like our parents. We also learned all kinds of bad relationship and communication practices from our parents. It took us both a long time before we figured out what a healthy relationship based on love and compatibility looked like.



This can and does happen in divorced “families” too.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 23:38     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.


Jesus. Why do you have so much hate for them when they love you and have done so much for you?


NP. I also wished my parents divorced. They were fundamentally good people but very incompatible. They basically made each other miserable throughout my childhood. They are still making each other miserable except now they are too old to start over (late 70s).

Choosing to stay in a bad marriage is not a sacrifice I would ever expect from my parents. Nor is it something that I would ever thank them for.

The only thing that my sibling and I learned from our parents choosing to stay married at all costs is to be extremely commitment-phobic. Both of us were afraid of ending up stuck in a bad marriage like our parents. We also learned all kinds of bad relationship and communication practices from our parents. It took us both a long time before we figured out what a healthy relationship based on love and compatibility looked like.

Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 23:07     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
16 ad 14? they are probably old enough to be relieved that there won't be any more fighting in the house, and perhaps realize mom and dad just aren't good together.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 21:10     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.


You need therapy.


This post was scary crazy. Chilling.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 19:10     Subject: Re:Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:All I have learned from this thread is that kids are psyched when their abusive parents divorce. That’s not exactly a glowing recommendation for it.


No one is trying to give a glowing recommendation for divorce. I think pps are saying sometimes staying in a marriage that volatile, abusive or involves excessive arguing/yelling can be more harmful than divorce.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 19:06     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.


Jesus. Why do you have so much hate for them when they love you and have done so much for you?
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 19:03     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:Dear selfish divorcees, your kids would prefer a happy intact family


Are you saying OP should just put up with the adultery? That because he didn't he is selfish? Sometimes happy and intact just won't happen. My mom was the nicest person who married an abusive total alcoholic jerk. She stayed to give us an intact home. It was a miserable childhood, but I'm sure people like you think that's a better option than divorce. SMH.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 19:01     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
Anonymous wrote:I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.


You need therapy.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2019 18:56     Subject: Told my kids we were divorcing and they were unfazed.
PP +1
At 50+ I still feel the repercussions of the divorce bomb that went off in our neighborhood in the 70s. The kids I know whose parents split up—guess what we are not divorced. 20+ years married kids in college or heading that way (will be paid for) saving for retirement. All marriages had ups and downs but subconsciously we all avoided divorce. THe couples I know now that have have parents who did not divorce so they do not know what it feels like to a kid.