Anonymous wrote:

Why can’t you change your custody schedule, then?

It doesn't make sense for me to be the one to change. My ex lives almost 45 minutes away, so the logistics of working out new schedules for my kids is much more difficult. I already had to move to my DH's neighborhood because his ex refused to allow his kids to switch schools, which I was willing to do since my oldest hadn't yet started school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

I realize this sounds unusual, but both of us u deratamd that one of the reasons our previous marriages failed is that we grew apart from our spouses because of all the time and energy focused on the kids and not invested in the relationship. We aren't ignoring the kids. When the kids are here, we are all in focusing on them and on being a family.

You are NOT LISTENING, OP. You are really hurting these kids. You don’t get the luxury of 50% of your time for the marriage when you have children. You don’t get that. Carve out a date night, carve out coffee time, carve out protected windows in each day. But you don’t shove all five kids into a week so that you can have a honeymoon every other week. That is HORRIBLE for these kids. You already know it’s not working.

You are manufacturing a problem and blaming it on DH’s kids. They are not the problem.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a stepmom. First, read Stepmonster. It would help you adjust your expectations.

Second, is there any possibility of changing the custody schedule to switch weeks so his kids are there one week, your kids another, with maybe one overlap day??

These kids have already lost their dad half the time, clearly have trauma about the breakup of their family. Only seeing their dad 50% of the time, it’s crazy that they have to divide their time with FOUR total strangers!! IF you love this guy, love his kids enough to gave them more time with him.

Let go of your visions of doing things as a group of 7 except maybe once a week. It’s not fair to any of you. One daily dinner of all 7 weekly would be a big win.

On your week with your kids, they can start adjusting to your DH’s presence without also adjusting to 2 more siblings. ANd vice-versa.

This forced family crowding is a Recipe for disaster. Focus on strengthening individual relationships rather than strengthening the nonexistent group bond. If people are getting their individual needs met, they wreck far more likely to be pleasant and cooperative.

Anonymous wrote:

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

I realize this sounds unusual, but both of us u deratamd that one of the reasons our previous marriages failed is that we grew apart from our spouses because of all the time and energy focused on the kids and not invested in the relationship. We aren't ignoring the kids. When the kids are here, we are all in focusing on them and on being a family.

Anonymous wrote:

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

I realize this sounds unusual, but both of us u deratamd that one of the reasons our previous marriages failed is that we grew apart from our spouses because of all the time and energy focused on the kids and not invested in the relationship. We aren't ignoring the kids. When the kids are here, we are all in focusing on them and on being a family.

Anonymous wrote:

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

I realize this sounds unusual, but both of us u deratamd that one of the reasons our previous marriages failed is that we grew apart from our spouses because of all the time and energy focused on the kids and not invested in the relationship. We aren't ignoring the kids. When the kids are here, we are all in focusing on them and on being a family.

Anonymous wrote:

How long were DH and his wife divorced before you met DH and started dating? Was there any overlap?

How long after the divorce did the kids meet you?

The kids have known me for many years, long before their parents divorced. We didn't have a close relationship, but I've been to their birthday parties since they were toddlers and they've been playing with my kids for years. It isn't like I suddenly appeared in their life as a stranger.

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

Anonymous wrote:

Second, is there any possibility of changing the custody schedule to switch weeks so his kids are there one week, your kids another, with maybe one overlap day??

His ex refuses to switch custody schedules. Besides, we feel very strongly about setting aside time for our marriage apart from the blended family because we've both learned the hard way what happens when kids are prioritized abive the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Why can’t you change your custody schedule, then?

It doesn't make sense for me to be the one to change. My ex lives almost 45 minutes away, so the logistics of working out new schedules for my kids is much more difficult. I already had to move to my DH's neighborhood because his ex refused to allow his kids to switch schools, which I was willing to do since my oldest hadn't yet started school.