Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
I was like you in my early 30s. Didn't want to commit, was having fun being single, dating younger women in their mid 20s who had zero desire to get serious, etc.

I then met my current wife. She was a year older than me. Personally, a question that really does it for me when figuring out marriage is: "Would I want to be retired and grow old with this person?"

Forget the questions about kids, family, etc. That will all come along in good time. But once everyone has left the house, can you envision the two of you enjoying your time alone at the age of 70? Do you see them keeping you interested, engaged, and stimulated in the long run?

For me, that was a revelation. If you can envision getting old with someone, everything else - like marriage and kids - sort of falls into place and just feels right.

So: can you envision yourself being an elderly and happy couple? If so, you should pop the question around the 1 year mark.

Don't get engaged after only 6 months. Don't go outside your comfort zone. Frankly, I'd suggest that you move into together now. If all goes well, then get engaged around your 1 year anniversary (or soon thereafter).

the front porch test

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of six months says she wants to get married. I’m not there yet. We are both in our early 30’s. I love her and she’s perfect for me. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not ready to make that commitment.

When girlfriend says she wants to get married, does she mean get engaged to you right now at six months of dating? Or was it more that she sees the relationship headed towards marriage and wants to make sure you are heading in the same direction? When you say you don’t want to lose her but not ready to make that commitment do you mean you see yourself marrying her or better yet the description the previous poster said of growing old together but need more time to be sure? Or are you saying you aren’t ready for marriage?

If you are fairly certain this is someone you could see growing old with and you just need more time (maybe another six months) to be sure, discuss that. If having an engagement ring at six months is a dealbreaker for her, then ultimately she isn’t for you. I’m indecisive and hate making snap decisions so having someone propose after six months would not be a good match for me. On the other hand, I also know I wouldn’t be a good match for someone that takes 5 years to decide. I’d either feel like they weren’t sure about me or had to have everything on their terms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of six months says she wants to get married. I’m not there yet. We are both in our early 30’s. I love her and she’s perfect for me. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not ready to make that commitment.

Tell her, not us. It's not unreasonable to want a longer dating period than 6 months. Let her know how you feel about her but that you won't be rushed into anything. If she needs something sooner, she may break it off. If so, consider yourself lucky because she was in love with getting married, not in love with you.

x a million and 100% spot on. to hell with the dried up harpies who are sh*tting on OP for not acquiescing to his GF's demands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of six months says she wants to get married. I’m not there yet. We are both in our early 30’s. I love her and she’s perfect for me. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not ready to make that commitment.

Tell her, not us. It's not unreasonable to want a longer dating period than 6 months. Let her know how you feel about her but that you won't be rushed into anything. If she needs something sooner, she may break it off. If so, consider yourself lucky because she was in love with getting married, not in love with you.

x a million and 100% spot on. to hell with the dried up harpies who are sh*tting on OP for not acquiescing to his GF's demands.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of six months says she wants to get married. I’m not there yet. We are both in our early 30’s. I love her and she’s perfect for me. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not ready to make that commitment.

Tell her, not us. It's not unreasonable to want a longer dating period than 6 months. Let her know how you feel about her but that you won't be rushed into anything. If she needs something sooner, she may break it off. If so, consider yourself lucky because she was in love with getting married, not in love with you.

she's moving waaayyy too fast. You need to be honest and if she can't handle it, then you've dodged a major bullet.

and if she's this 'pushy' now, just wait until the ring is on her finger, it WILL get much, much worse

Move on and find someone you are more compatible with.

I need a few clarifications:

- Are you early 30s like 30/31, or 34/35? Those ages are materially different.

- Is it her, you, or are you just freaked out by the timeline. I think a year is reasonable. Do you want to talk about marriage future with her...but feel strongly about waiting X amount of time? If you don't want to talk marriage/future and don't see a strong possibility of that, I think you know what you need to know and it's only fair to explore that and be honest with her.

Do not marry someone after only 6 months!

Anonymous wrote:What did she say after you told her all of this? If she is ok with waiting, great. If she is not, then move on

+1 There's no way I'd commit to marriage after just 6 months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then break up with her.

Stop wasting her time.

Yep: the same advice we'd give him if she won't sex him up after 2nd date.

Meh. Dating is about finding out if you’re compatible. Marriage is much harder. If you’re having a hard time at week 2 or month 6 - it’s best to call it quits. This is supposed to be the easy fun part. Break up if it’s not.

Break up with her already.

You guys aren’t compatible. Move on. Find someone else who wants to date for 5 to 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she loves you, she will wait (within reason-- don't be the loser her strings her along for five years). We wait for the right one.

+1

I think as long as you are genuinely interested in potentially getting married, it's OK to take a little bit of time.

I agree with this. Your relationship is entirely too new now to propose. One reason why so many people break up during an engagement is that planning the wedding is the first thing they ever had to do together. Raising kids is a whole other level of interdependence. Until you do that stuff, it's hard to tell if you really are good partners together or not. I would advise you to have a heart to heart with her discussing your thoughts about her and where you are at. If you stay together, I would also encourage you to try to plan something substantial together to see how your styles mesh.

Anonymous wrote:If she loves you, she will wait (within reason-- don't be the loser her strings her along for five years). We wait for the right one.

+1

I think as long as you are genuinely interested in potentially getting married, it's OK to take a little bit of time.

Perfectly reasonable to spend one full year with a person you plan to commit to spending the next 40-50 years with. Get to know them. Get to know their family and friends. Experience a few challenges together.