OP you just sound like a rigid and selfish man. After 16 years your DW asks to come along on a trip where you have a hotel room. In those 16 years presumably she knows how these monthly work trips are work trips. And, presumably since this is 16 years since the last trip, your DW is at least 40yo at this point?? so she is a mature adult and whether you recognize it or not able to function on her own as you leave her by herself every month for these same 4 days? Your plan is to fly out Tuesday and work W-F and, while work is over Friday night (as you say you could do a red-eye) you return Saturday. Lets pretend you have a working dinner Tuesday and so wife would be on her own all day Wed-Friday. That means that you could meet for a late dinner Friday night (if you want to pretend that you will be working until when that redeye flight would have been scheduled and then you TWO could have whatever time before flight Saturday. As PPs have mentioned – the $1000 flight cost is not real and you or your DW could use Lyft as needed so no where near $400 for a second car.

You could take some of that imaginary money not spent OP and even extend the trip by one day (paying for hotel where you are or gasp! – driving that hour back towards San Diego!) You could even turn in your car earlier and Lyft or when you rent – get the weekly rate probably making it a wash (as your company didn’t mind you not taking redeye and already gave you extra car and hotel day.)

My DH travels a lot. Once a year I try and go on one of his trips -if somewhere fun I’ll go for a whole week (and sometimes join mid-trip or stay by myself longer.) He works very long hours but I enjoy the novelty of being somewhere else (obviously your wife had some desire for something as she asked.) I could luxuriate in sleeping in once DH left for work, go explore city on my own or be as lazy as I wanted to be. If I didn’t also have to work (I do have flexibility that way) I could be as busy or indulgent as our budget allowed (which sometimes meant that one of my first trips was to grocery store to buy milk and cereal for the week!) When he can – DH adds a day at beginning or end so we have some fun time together (and we always have the nights!) OP please just be honest! You cannot fathom doing anything that would allow your wife a little bit of pleasure at little or no cost to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

I love how you add the last line as if you’re so much better than OP. Just had to get that in there didn’t you! Do you feel better now?

DP. That PP is distinctive and says stuff like that all the time. At this point I am kind of in the "protest too much" camp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

You are over estimating costs ...DC to CA is not $1k RT...can find tickets in the $300 range. She can drop you at the complex and pick you up. The teen can stay with a friend. You seem very rigid. Why not want to make your wife happy? Let her have a vacation?

If the OP is a consultant to, say, the military, and is visiting a large base or secured complex, he needs to be able to drive onto the base and drive around inside the gates to get to his destination. He can't just be dropped off outside the gates.

OP you just sound like a rigid and selfish man. After 16 years your DW asks to come along on a trip where you have a hotel room. In those 16 years presumably she knows how these monthly work trips are work trips. And, presumably since this is 16 years since the last trip, your DW is at least 40yo at this point?? so she is a mature adult and whether you recognize it or not able to function on her own as you leave her by herself every month for these same 4 days? Your plan is to fly out Tuesday and work W-F and, while work is over Friday night (as you say you could do a red-eye) you return Saturday. Lets pretend you have a working dinner Tuesday and so wife would be on her own all day Wed-Friday. That means that you could meet for a late dinner Friday night (if you want to pretend that you will be working until when that redeye flight would have been scheduled and then you TWO could have whatever time before flight Saturday. As PPs have mentioned – the $1000 flight cost is not real and you or your DW could use Lyft as needed so no where near $400 for a second car.

You could take some of that imaginary money not spent OP and even extend the trip by one day (paying for hotel where you are or gasp! – driving that hour back towards San Diego!) You could even turn in your car earlier and Lyft or when you rent – get the weekly rate probably making it a wash (as your company didn’t mind you not taking redeye and already gave you extra car and hotel day.)

My DH travels a lot. Once a year I try and go on one of his trips some times for whole week if especially fun place. He works very long hours but I enjoy the novelty of being somewhere else (obviously your wife had some desire for something as she asked.) I could luxuriate in sleeping in once DH left for work, go explore city on my own or be as lazy as I wanted to be. If I didn’t also have to work (I do have flexibility that way) I could be as busy or indulgent as our budget allowed (which sometimes meant that one of my first trips was to grocery store to buy milk and cereal for the week!) When he can – DH adds a day at beginning or end so we have some fun time together (and we always have the nights!) OP please just be honest! You cannot fathom doing anything that would allow your wife a little bit of pleasure at little or no cost to yourself.

If the hotel is not walkable to anything interesting just say no. It does sound like she’s ready to go somewhere though. Maybe she could get a cheaper ticket elsewhere and a nice hotel downtown or Airbnb somewhere cool. I would suggest that to her. I used to get so irked that dh would eat at all the lastest restaurants and act like it was so boring because it was with coworkers or clients but I didn’t get to go because he already was tired of the places on our nights out and we’d get stuck doing the same old thing he liked. Don’t know why it took me a couple of years to realize I can go really nice fancy places by myself when the kids are at school. I even enjoy myself more without a dh complaining he doesn’t like the menu. We all win!

If DH is going somewhere cool, what we do is go together either before or after his meetings. I don't stay for the meeting days. DH takes a day or two off and we end up with at least one free airfare and usually a hotel night or two paid.

To the pp who had 5 weeks in England- I would love that set up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad used to travel to all sorts of cool places— San Diego, New Oeans, Toronto, for five or six day trips. Mom would be left home with five kids. I know she got sick of hearing about his trips. Even if he did nothing but work he was still working in Toronto, eating out, etc.

My clueless dad never quite got how much she hated those trips.

I would suggest as others have that you make clear you will work on a vacation plan, but have a little empathy for the person left behind in the grind at home.

x100000

FIL was definitely like this, I suspect like OP. MIL was annoying, sure - but no where near as annoying as FIL. FIL left home any chance he got - he was no man.

We do have a vacation plan for right after school let out. 10 days or so (still working out the details).

Anonymous wrote:I must be the only DW who didn't enjoy traveling with my DH. Who wants to be stranded in a hotel? I found it eternally boring and would rather be at home reading my book. My DH's travel mainly involved conferences and even when I was included in dinners, I really didn't enjoy making small talk.

OP here. And it is a Hampton inn...not even a particularly nice place

Anonymous wrote:My dad used to travel to all sorts of cool places— San Diego, New Oeans, Toronto, for five or six day trips. Mom would be left home with five kids. I know she got sick of hearing about his trips. Even if he did nothing but work he was still working in Toronto, eating out, etc.

My clueless dad never quite got how much she hated those trips.

I would suggest as others have that you make clear you will work on a vacation plan, but have a little empathy for the person left behind in the grind at home.

x100000

FIL was definitely like this, I suspect like OP. MIL was annoying, sure - but no where near as annoying as FIL. FIL left home any chance he got - he was no man.

Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

Goodotd. She's back grown woman. Just tell her this is WORK and no one else is bringing a spouse.

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