Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps some cheaters have a personality disorder but not everyone. Sex is a biological imperative especially for men. I love my wife. She's beautiful, successful, smart, and a good person, but we are on nearly opposite ends in terms of libido. Was a I hurt/angry/frustrated for a couple of years? Yes. Did my resentment negatively affect my marriage? Yes. However, she is absolutely who I want to be with...I just needed a way to satisfy my physical needs and so do others.

You know sex and marriage have only recently become a package deal. For centuries, these were separate needs fulfilled by separate providers who did not threaten each other in the slightest.

But wasn’t it only the husband who could find a lover(s)?

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I mean they do but with outside help usually.

I may be an unusually absent-minded wife but I had no idea my DH had a longterm mistress until she told me at the playground our children were siblings. Her child at that point was four years old.

Whoa. Are you still married to him?

If cheaters have personality disorders than close to 1/2 of people have personality disorders.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps some cheaters have a personality disorder but not everyone. Sex is a biological imperative especially for men. I love my wife. She's beautiful, successful, smart, and a good person, but we are on nearly opposite ends in terms of libido. Was a I hurt/angry/frustrated for a couple of years? Yes. Did my resentment negatively affect my marriage? Yes. However, she is absolutely who I want to be with...I just needed a way to satisfy my physical needs and so do others.

You know sex and marriage have only recently become a package deal. For centuries, these were separate needs fulfilled by separate providers who did not threaten each other in the slightest.

Woman here. I cheated on my ex husband. Had about a year long local affair. We broke it off. XH and I had kids. Got divorced. He still doesn’t know. My AP is still married to the woman he was with when we were having our affair.

Perhaps some cheaters have a personality disorder but not everyone. Sex is a biological imperative especially for men. I love my wife. She's beautiful, successful, smart, and a good person, but we are on nearly opposite ends in terms of libido. Was a I hurt/angry/frustrated for a couple of years? Yes. Did my resentment negatively affect my marriage? Yes. However, she is absolutely who I want to be with...I just needed a way to satisfy my physical needs and so do others.

Not really. I mean they do but with outside help usually.

I may be an unusually absent-minded wife but I had no idea my DH had a longterm mistress until she told me at the playground our children were siblings. Her child at that point was four years old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

+1. Have been having an in town affair for 5 years with spouse none the wiser.

This was my dad. My mom knew and she stayed because if her kids and not wanting to be a divorced single mom.

As we got older we kids knew too, we never confronted dad but we knew.

I’m not surprised. Men aren’t very good at being discreet. I’m not a man.

This is your response to someone telling you their parent was a cheater their entire childhood? I agree with the pp who said cheaters have personality disorders.

I’m supposed to cry about something that happened to a stranger 30 years ago? No.

Anonymous wrote:My ex only cheated while away on work travel, usually overseas. I’m sure he thought he would never in a million years get caught. I did catch him - in a way that neither he nor I would ever have imagined.

He was devastated when I confronted him and begged me not to end our relationship. He was in shock. The consequences were truly inconceivable to him.

All of you who think you’ll never get caught because you never cheat in town are simply living with the sword of Damocles over your head.

no details on how you caught him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

OP here. It sounded like a ridiculous assertion to me too. About 40% of married people cheat at some point. Cheating isn't what ends most marriages. No married friends of mine have had their spouses cheat that they know of.

It seems like it's probably happening all over, without much fuss or drama.

The marriage not ending does not mean the spouse does not know about the cheating.

It’s sad that both parties resign themselves to living that way, mostly out of fear. A lot of people would be happier and more fulfilled if they had the option of renewing, renegotiating or just ending marriage contracts every other year the way we handle business contracts. Are you happy with the state of things? Yes/no? Let’s face it- a lot of people are held hostage by health insurance, school payments, maintaining a certain lifestyle... people will sacrifice their very dignity to keep these things.

Anonymous wrote:I had several long term affairs. I had a one night stand and that’s the one that cost me my marriage. Should have stayed with the long term affairs.

How did you caught for the ONS if you got away with the other affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

+1. Have been having an in town affair for 5 years with spouse none the wiser.

This was my dad. My mom knew and she stayed because if her kids and not wanting to be a divorced single mom.

As we got older we kids knew too, we never confronted dad but we knew.

I’m not surprised. Men aren’t very good at being discreet. I’m not a man.

This is your response to someone telling you their parent was a cheater their entire childhood? I agree with the pp who said cheaters have personality disorders.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

OP here. It sounded like a ridiculous assertion to me too. About 40% of married people cheat at some point. Cheating isn't what ends most marriages. No married friends of mine have had their spouses cheat that they know of.

It seems like it's probably happening all over, without much fuss or drama.

The marriage not ending does not mean the spouse does not know about the cheating.

+ 1 I know people who know their husband is cheating, but have never confronted him and act like they know nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

+1. Have been having an in town affair for 5 years with spouse none the wiser.

This was my dad. My mom knew and she stayed because if her kids and not wanting to be a divorced single mom.

As we got older we kids knew too, we never confronted dad but we knew.

I’m not surprised. Men aren’t very good at being discreet. I’m not a man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

+1. Have been having an in town affair for 5 years with spouse none the wiser.

This was my dad. My mom knew and she stayed because if her kids and not wanting to be a divorced single mom.

As we got older we kids knew too, we never confronted dad but we knew.