Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say your husband was a very high earner, kind and attentive, good with the kids, supportive, you could work or pursue something else, etc. would you even care if he was getting some on the side occasionally? What if he was seeing another man?

I have self respect so no.

If he was great with kids, he wouldn’t be cheating on their mom

No that’s not true. I know women who are great with the kids but end up cheating.

I’m a guy that posted that, and I believe that you are disrespecting your kids, by cheating on their mom, so on the surface, you can play with kids, make them laugh, etc, but it goes deeper than that. How great are ya really, with them, by cheating and messing up family dynamics.

You likely say this as a straight man. It's possible that OP's DH is gay and grew up in an environment that was completely not accepting of the fact that he was gay, so he tried to make a heterosexual marriage work. He was wrong for assuming he could do that, but that doesn't make him a bad father. Also, if the parties agree to stay together and have an intact family for the kids after discovering they weren't compatible, as long as everything is up front and all parties agree, it's not your place to judge what would be better for the kids.

If he is gay then he should divorce. I just don’t see this being sustainable plus it’s based on everything else being wonderful. What happens when that changes.

One night stand maybe a regular thing no

If I wanted to have sex with him but he didn't want to have sex with me it would be completely unacceptable. But if I had no interest in sex I might very well tolerate it. But I really enjoy it and I'm pretty good at making sure he enjoys it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are so old fashioned.

And this is exactly why people cheat. When you accept this behavior from a partner and make excuses for it, you are part of the problem. Cheating has become common, that does not mean it is acceptable.

Yes absolutely. From day one I would let him know cheating would be a deal breaker. And the marriage would be broken either way. If I thought he was cheating I would tell him, "honey I keep getting these hang up calls". And other things to make him think his gf is making trouble for him. It works well.

Anonymous wrote:People here are so old fashioned.

And this is exactly why people cheat. When you accept this behavior from a partner and make excuses for it, you are part of the problem. Cheating has become common, that does not mean it is acceptable.

Anonymous wrote:Say your husband was a very high earner, kind and attentive, good with the kids, supportive, you could work or pursue something else, etc. would you even care if he was getting some on the side occasionally? What if he was seeing another man?

Only if I actually knew what was going on and was ok with it. Bisexual husband with a male lover? I could probably learn to live with that, partially because I believe the sexist trope that men can separate sex and love. Heterosexual husband with a series of one-night stands? Sounds potentially dangerous for me, and the constant worry that some girl is going to get pregnant, however I feel about the largely meaningless sex. Heterosexual husband with an ongoing affair with a heterosexual woman, married or not -- nope. No way that works out for me or my kids.

I left a high earner cheater. Now I got half of everything and get alimony for life. And I have a boyfriend now. So nope.

There’s a whole lot that’s wrong when someone is cheating. Like basically everything.

Interesting that the first thing you said about him is that he’s a high earner though. Sounds like that’s where your priorities are... so I guess it might be worse for you to get a divorce in this case.

No, I wouldn’t tolerate someone lying and cheating. I wouldn’t definitely leave them (which I think is generous of me) but I hope I would have the guts and self respect not to “ look the other way.” What if your kids found out that you allowed yourself to be lied to and cheated on and acted like a doormat? Not a good role model. Just talk to him.
Also, red flag that the first descriptor of the cheater is “very high earner.” Dishonesty, values, cheating are not related to $.

I would not look the other. I have a high sex drive, so I’m here willing and available.

Hell no. I’m the number one B.

I might tolerate cheating if I felt it would prevent imploding my children's lives, but I would not have sex with my partner if they were having sex with someone else. I'd rather not have herpes for the rest of my life and it cannot be reliably prevented with condoms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say your husband was a very high earner, kind and attentive, good with the kids, supportive, you could work or pursue something else, etc. would you even care if he was getting some on the side occasionally? What if he was seeing another man?

I have self respect so no.

If he was great with kids, he wouldn’t be cheating on their mom

That's not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say your husband was a very high earner, kind and attentive, good with the kids, supportive, you could work or pursue something else, etc. would you even care if he was getting some on the side occasionally? What if he was seeing another man?

I have self respect so no.

THANK YOU.

How is this even a question?

I will be honest, if my ex had made more money, I would have likely stayed, or worked harder to stay. But this guy had the audacity to be a broke cheater, so I left.