Anonymous
Post 02/07/2024 14:58     Subject: Re:You would be nothing without me
A close friend of mine's DH said pretty much the same to her while I was at their home. Her background is very similar to yours. she already had a CPA and a Masters before she met him. They were not even fighting.

It's destroyed my relationship with her because I can't stand the man and she would not stop trying to make our friendship a couples friendship.

I think he is insecure because she is incredibly beautiful. She is way out of his league. And she is much smarter than he is too.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2024 14:46     Subject: You would be nothing without me
My husband said to me today youll be nothing without me today I just wanted to leave him there and then to prove I would and will be
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2019 18:50     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's true. My husband comes from trailer trash but their educated mom saw to it that they all got through college. Nevertheless, most of his nieces and nephews have dropped out of high school and his siblings live in conditions as bad or worse than those in which they grew up. He married up (me).
I pushed him to seek promotions, professional friends and our kids seem to be following our example. He is horrified and embarrassed by his siblings' situation.
I've said something similar during blowouts. In happier times he's acknowledged it's true.

Yikes. Folks in relationships help one another. But to think your spouse would be nothing without you- is something I cannot relate to. My spouse has worth & something outside of our marriage


DP here, and I love my husband dearly, but he would be a complete mess if he hadn't met/married me. And like you, OP, he has the same job and degrees now as he had when we met. The difference was the way he spent money, his mindset about money and some other things. When I met him, he spent all the money he made, he was always looking for these "get rich quick" schemes that always lost him money and he never thought long-term. He didn't own a home - hell, he rented a basement apartment on a month-by-month basis.

I helped him with all these things and now? well, he has a hefty retirement account, owns a couple homes (with me), thinks about the future and understands that these get rich quick schemes never work. He wouldn't be where he is today but for me. And he'll tell you that himself.

But, for us, it's not a negative thing to look at your partner and know that he/she made you who you are today. So, to answer your question, having the same job and same education isn't all it's about - other things make you all of who you are.



PP here. This is what I meant. You said it better than me. During verbal fights, usually ones about me setting goals, I've pointed out that his success in life has something to do with the fact that he's married to me.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2019 18:35     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Maybe he's mad that he married someone who is going to divorce him

Anonymous
Post 01/02/2019 18:09     Subject: You would be nothing without me
OP, time to go. My ex told me that at 47 (when we divorced), I would never find anyone b/c I was old and men don't want old women.

I'm marrying the love of my life at 49 and my ex looks like shit.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2019 14:05     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's true. My husband comes from trailer trash but their educated mom saw to it that they all got through college. Nevertheless, most of his nieces and nephews have dropped out of high school and his siblings live in conditions as bad or worse than those in which they grew up. He married up (me).
I pushed him to seek promotions, professional friends and our kids seem to be following our example. He is horrified and embarrassed by his siblings' situation.
I've said something similar during blowouts. In happier times he's acknowledged it's true.

Yikes. Folks in relationships help one another. But to think your spouse would be nothing without you- is something I cannot relate to. My spouse has worth & something outside of our marriage


DP here, and I love my husband dearly, but he would be a complete mess if he hadn't met/married me. And like you, OP, he has the same job and degrees now as he had when we met. The difference was the way he spent money, his mindset about money and some other things. When I met him, he spent all the money he made, he was always looking for these "get rich quick" schemes that always lost him money and he never thought long-term. He didn't own a home - hell, he rented a basement apartment on a month-by-month basis.

I helped him with all these things and now? well, he has a hefty retirement account, owns a couple homes (with me), thinks about the future and understands that these get rich quick schemes never work. He wouldn't be where he is today but for me. And he'll tell you that himself.

But, for us, it's not a negative thing to look at your partner and know that he/she made you who you are today. So, to answer your question, having the same job and same education isn't all it's about - other things make you all of who you are.

Anonymous
Post 01/02/2019 13:08     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Anonymous wrote:He's trying to put you down so that you'll feel inadequate and small. As you point out, these comments are ridiculous, but he's not trying to be rational, and he's certainly not trying to be helpful. He's doing two things: (1) undermine your self confidence, and (2) express his contempt for you. There's a substantial body of research about expressions of contempt and what they say about a relationship. Nutshell version: once a partner starts expressing contempt, the relationship is usually done. Google this - you'll find plenty of articles on this subject.

It sounds like you're on the way out of this marriage. Whether you are or not, help yourself by detaching enough so you're aware of his motivations for making inappropriate comments, and work to maintain your boundaries so those comments don't have their intended effect.


Yes, this is it. I had the same problem, once. I got rid of him and eventually found a man who is a much better person.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:31     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Sounds like he is on a huge power trip & needs to hear validation.....
Even if it all comes from him.

He seems angry, insecure & perhaps he is not 100% for the divorce.

I wouldn’t let him make me feel so low.
Just remember that divorce is never easy and that some people take it harder than others.

Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 15:39     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Hurt people hurt people.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 12:51     Subject: You would be nothing without me
You would be nothing without me?

The opposite of my grandfather who told my grandmother, "if only you would have pushed me, I could have made something out of myself".
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 12:37     Subject: You would be nothing without me
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's true. My husband comes from trailer trash but their educated mom saw to it that they all got through college. Nevertheless, most of his nieces and nephews have dropped out of high school and his siblings live in conditions as bad or worse than those in which they grew up. He married up (me).
I pushed him to seek promotions, professional friends and our kids seem to be following our example. He is horrified and embarrassed by his siblings' situation.
I've said something similar during blowouts. In happier times he's acknowledged it's true.


You don't know if it's true. If he didn't meet you, he would have married someone else, and that someone else may well have been even pushier than you, helping him to do even better. Perhaps he WANTED to marry up, and if not for you, would have found someone else.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 12:26     Subject: You would be nothing without me
OP did not tell us who initiated divorce talk. Let's stop psychoanalyzing this guy. For all we know, he busted his ass trying to be a good husband and was blindsided. Let's see how some of you would react of that was the case? Oh, sorry everyone would be calm, collect, mature, and secure.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 12:26     Subject: Re:You would be nothing without me
Anonymous wrote:OP never came back. My bet is that she has been telling him that she can do better and that he isn't the alpha provider she expected and he is giving her some of the same back.

I did come back- and thanked folks for their insight.
No one is a nothing. And I don’t even know what a ‘better’ spouse would be. I just want us to be respectful co-parents.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 11:42     Subject: Re:You would be nothing without me
OP never came back. My bet is that she has been telling him that she can do better and that he isn't the alpha provider she expected and he is giving her some of the same back.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 11:33     Subject: You would be nothing without me
He is feeling slighted.
Signed,
A woman who paved her stbx’s way into silly valley yet he is acting like all the money is his