I don't know why everyone is piling on OP. His wife is weird. He grocery shops weekly so presumably he is replacing things and presumably SHE is communicating what he needs to get.

If she were responsible for all the shopping and he used up stuff and didn't communicate or replace that would be one thing. her behavior is OCD and not typical for a joint household. Like ,if I bought something and then hid it away so Dh could't use or find it? I can't imagine. If I need something for a specific reason, Ill tell him, otherwise, its fair game. And if we run out, we try to keep a list but we don't blame the other person since we both are responsible for shopping, communicating and stocking up. Plus DH has never once objected running out to the store--in fact he often does it when we don't really need it, as I suspect he likes the break from the loud kids.

Were there similar issues for her growing up?

My kids also hide stuff from DH. The kids will bake cookies, but if they leave them anywhere visible, DH will eat ALL of them. So now they bake and hide. I mean, they are fine with him having some cookies... but the man just vacuums them up.

Honestly I do think a lot of men just never learned to think about others. I go to the grocery store and come home with food and supplies for every one in the house. DH will come home with a bag full of the things only he eats... and nothing else. I like, um, you couldn’t have picked up some milk while you were there?

If I specifically ask him, he will get things for others. If I don’t specificslly ask, he will revert to acting like he lives alone.

Anonymous wrote:Do you not return things in good condition? Is there laundry detergent running down the sides of the bottle and is the bottle now stuck to the shelf? Is there toothpaste smeared all over the tube? Crumbs in the butter?

This was my first husband. DD 12 now hides stuff from him because he makes it all so gross otherwise. Gobs of peanut butter in the jam jar because he won’t wipe off the knife. Crusty stuff on the outside of tubes and bottles that may or not be dried up dribbles of what is inside, but could also be what is smeared on his hand already.

Do you not return things in good condition? Is there laundry detergent running down the sides of the bottle and is the bottle now stuck to the shelf? Is there toothpaste smeared all over the tube? Crumbs in the butter?

Are you my husband? I hide mrs Meyers laundry soap from him because its $15/bottle and he uses too much for a he machine. My spouse has never told me when things are gone and funny enough the things that get used all up haen y be the things I buy. I grocery shopping at a coop whereas my spouse just goes to giant. So he does he but we don't buy the same quality of items. He and the kids eat the healthier /better tasting items I buy my self.

Ha, like PP, I totally hide things from DH! I also label things, like "If you drink this wine I will kill you because I am saving it for cooking/for so and so's party!" (okay, I don't actually threaten to kill him, but give me time).

My DH will: drink the last of the milk; use the last Tide Pod; eat every single bit of the really nice cheese I bought and was saving to treat myself, etc. And then he goes on his merry way. He does not shop; he does not replace things; he does not appear to notice that he ate every single snack item the kids need for their lunches.

I tried to suggest to him that before consuming something he ask himself, "Did I buy this? Did I cook this? Do I have reason to believe it is being saved for someone else?" but nothing changed. So, instead of killing him, which, again, was tempting, I took to hiding or labeling stuff I really did not want him to eat or use.

IMHO: if it bugs him he can buy his own damn Tide Pods and hide them from me. That would be fine. If he's not mature enough not to use the last of something without replacing it, then no, he has no right to demand that I share everything I buy with him.

I hide things from my husband as well for 4 reasons
- Certain items that never go back in the place they should so I can never find them (scissors, toothpaste)
- Food items that I need for a particular meal plan that week (which I'm in charge of) that he'd use up without checking with me first
- Items that he may use the last bit of (last laundry pod) and not replace promptly and leave me handing at 10pm with a pile of dirty laundry
- Food items that he inhales that I want to make sure I actually get some of (12 packs of soda, bakery items)

For general stuff that doesn't matter if it runs out (cereal, cheese etc) its all out for fair game and we each shop for when we get around to shopping. For the circumstances listed above, I hide what I need vs try to change him and being frustrated that he doesn't change.

This would be easily solved by you handling all household shopping and her giving you a list of any additional items she’d like you to pick up when you go...

You sound like my husband, who always expects the burden of remembering and planning to fall on someone else, and not just for groceries, for everything.

I suggest you TAKE INITIATIVE and be responsible for maintaining a list. One other change: since your wife seems allergic to running out of things, buy when your stock is less low than your current threshold.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

You sound exhausting.

When my DH uses something up, he tells me and either picks up more himself, or if I'm going to the store that day I'll offer to get it. I don't need to remind him because he's a friggin' adult. If he consistently forgot to tell me or get more, yea, I'd hide things and tell him not to use it.

Would you treat a roommate this way? Probably not. If you would respect a roommate enough to replace things immediately, you need to give your wife that same respect.

OP here,
I grocery shop every week and have no problem restocking items. That doesn’t mean I have never used something and didn’t replace it immediately. So you have never planned to use a recipe and realized you forgot one item on the list? If not kudos to you.
As for a roommate, I wouldn’t use the roommates stuff without asking, but I also wouldn’t pay for housing, healthcare, and student loans for a room mate either.

If you grocery shop, why aren't YOU stocking up on the things you like to consume? How often are you using things up and forgetting to replace them? Once in awhile is okay, weekly is not.

I do stock up on things I use. It would be weird for me to go to the store
every week and buy stuff I don’t use. If it were just a matter of me using stuff and not replacing it, I wouldn’t post on
A forum about as that is obviously problematic behavior. I get the impression she doesn’t want me to use things she buys. She says this even when stuff is not close to running out.

She’s being weird. Maybe she has OCD or she’s upset about something else. Dig deeper and get to the root or keep trying to find a solution to this symptom of a deeper problem. Either way, it’s annoying. It seems like your options are to buy your own so you’re not using the stuff she bought, or ignore her and keep doing what you’ve been doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

You sound exhausting.

When my DH uses something up, he tells me and either picks up more himself, or if I'm going to the store that day I'll offer to get it. I don't need to remind him because he's a friggin' adult. If he consistently forgot to tell me or get more, yea, I'd hide things and tell him not to use it.

Would you treat a roommate this way? Probably not. If you would respect a roommate enough to replace things immediately, you need to give your wife that same respect.

OP here,
I grocery shop every week and have no problem restocking items. That doesn’t mean I have never used something and didn’t replace it immediately. So you have never planned to use a recipe and realized you forgot one item on the list? If not kudos to you.
As for a roommate, I wouldn’t use the roommates stuff without asking, but I also wouldn’t pay for housing, healthcare, and student loans for a room mate either.

If you grocery shop, why aren't YOU stocking up on the things you like to consume? How often are you using things up and forgetting to replace them? Once in awhile is okay, weekly is not.

I do stock up on things I use. It would be weird for me to go to the store
every week and buy stuff I don’t use. If it were just a matter of me using stuff and not replacing it, I wouldn’t post on
A forum about as that is obviously problematic behavior. I get the impression she doesn’t want me to use things she buys. She says this even when stuff is not close to running out.

Amazon subscribe and save has saved us from so many headaches. We get laundry detergent, toilet paper, Kleenex, paper towels, soap, toothpaste, cat food and litter, etc. delivered regularly. At the beginning of the month I check and see what I have plenty of and skip that month’s delivery if I need to. I never have to think about household item essentials running out beyond that email I get saying they’re sending us the stuff on our list on the 15th.

Of course that doesn’t help for perishables, but maybe you should check and see if anything you habitually run out of can be put on a subscription service like that.

If it's grocery items that you are having problems with get a list going in the kitchen, when you are 3/4 through something throw it on the list.

Perhaps do a smaller run to the grocery store mid week for items that are completely out. Say if it's milk perhaps buy a long life milk to put in the cupboard so there is something there if you run out.

I guess this is what a “perfectly adequate husband” looks like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

You sound exhausting.

When my DH uses something up, he tells me and either picks up more himself, or if I'm going to the store that day I'll offer to get it. I don't need to remind him because he's a friggin' adult. If he consistently forgot to tell me or get more, yea, I'd hide things and tell him not to use it.

Would you treat a roommate this way? Probably not. If you would respect a roommate enough to replace things immediately, you need to give your wife that same respect.

OP here,
I grocery shop every week and have no problem restocking items. That doesn’t mean I have never used something and didn’t replace it immediately. So you have never planned to use a recipe and realized you forgot one item on the list? If not kudos to you.
As for a roommate, I wouldn’t use the roommates stuff without asking, but I also wouldn’t pay for housing, healthcare, and student loans for a room mate either.

If you grocery shop, why aren't YOU stocking up on the things you like to consume? How often are you using things up and forgetting to replace them? Once in awhile is okay, weekly is not.