Revenge is a dish best served cold. You seem really petty OP. Rise above and thrive!

Anonymous wrote:Also be welcoming to the other relatives who want to bring something and probably haven't been allowed to when your MIL was hosting. Let them bring their favorite dish or give them something to bring.

This is VERY good advice.

Anonymous wrote:Set a beautiful table. Beautiful tablecloth, freshly ironed napkins, beautiful centerpiece down the center of the table with candles scattered throughout. Full place settings. Calligraphy on the damn placecards. Little butter christmas trees at every place setting.

Set up a dessert table. I don’t even care about dessert that much but I would make a damn spread. Use boxes under a tablecloth to make layers of differents heights. A beautifully decorated cake, plates and platters of little desserts. Small bowls of pretty candy or chocolate to fill in. Use some local bakeries to get some new things.

Stick with the menu you are comfortable with but add a few things for show. A beautiful cheese and vegetable platter, some appetizers or side dishes to up the wow factor. Prep as much as you can ahead of time so you can pull it off with ease.
A drink area perfectly organized and fully stocked.

A christmas playlist in the background. Mellow songs for dinner and anything else for later.

Are they staying at your house? I would add some decorations to the guest room and guest bath so she knows you thought of every little detail.

I think the biggest thing you can do is focus on your other guests. If she has to listen to Cousin Millie spend all year talking about what an amazing Christmas she had at your house it is the ultimate compliment to you and dig to her.

Calligraphy? Come on.

Have your husband do everything. You relax.

Blow her out of the water by being gracious, friendly and unassuming. Welcome your guests with a big hug and a “I’m so happy we’re able to host you this year. Make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the evening.” Have a nice but easy dinner so you can enjoy company. I love setting out a coffee/cocoa station and desserts on my dining room sideboard (or kitchen counter) so people can pick at it and relax. You WILL win when everyone is happy.

And if she critizes any more ahead of time simply say “Oh I’m sorry, Betty! Have you changed your mind about hosting? You are welcome to take it back if you want and I can use my ideas hosting a different group another night.” That forces her to admit she’s not in charge.

Hm why bother....leave her a cupcake and you take everybody else out to dinner.

Not caring = her opinion is irrelevant = you win!!!
Serve beef bourguignon. You can make it the day before and it will be even more delicious when you serve it. Everyone loves it! Present a beautiful table, and make life easier for yourself and set it the day before. Attractive centerpiece. Be relaxed and enjoy your own holiday. Serve the beef, delicious wines, and a fabulous dessert (outsource it to make life easier; get it from Praline or Stella's or wherever). Have the music cued up and on autopilot. But seriously, not worrying about her at all or making her in the least important is your best way to enjoy your holiday. When she sees you enjoying, succeeding, and not sweating, you will have won!

Make sure you report back, OP!

Set out the crock pots and paper plates. Plan some fun games in which everyone can participate (Jenga, Pictionary). Relax and have fun. You are stressing. The best way to handle this is to make sure everyone has a great time and that means you need to be relaxed. It's about togetherness, not about putting on a show. That's bound to fail, as you've already noted.

Very strong alcohol in the punch and pot in the chocolate baked desserts. I always put nuts or something that kids wont eat on the pot brownies to stay safe. Everyone will be happy and think you were the best host ever. Works like a charm and they will never know.

Set a beautiful table. Beautiful tablecloth, freshly ironed napkins, beautiful centerpiece down the center of the table with candles scattered throughout. Full place settings. Calligraphy on the damn placecards. Little butter christmas trees at every place setting.

Set up a dessert table. I don’t even care about dessert that much but I would make a damn spread. Use boxes under a tablecloth to make layers of differents heights. A beautifully decorated cake, plates and platters of little desserts. Small bowls of pretty candy or chocolate to fill in. Use some local bakeries to get some new things.

Stick with the menu you are comfortable with but add a few things for show. A beautiful cheese and vegetable platter, some appetizers or side dishes to up the wow factor. Prep as much as you can ahead of time so you can pull it off with ease.
A drink area perfectly organized and fully stocked.

A christmas playlist in the background. Mellow songs for dinner and anything else for later.

Are they staying at your house? I would add some decorations to the guest room and guest bath so she knows you thought of every little detail.

I think the biggest thing you can do is focus on your other guests. If she has to listen to Cousin Millie spend all year talking about what an amazing Christmas she had at your house it is the ultimate compliment to you and dig to her.

Apps:

Drinks and a VERY NICE CHEESE PLATE are all you need: copy a pinterest one and set it out half an hour before guests arrive. I'm talking a hard, a soft, a crowd-and-kid-pleaser like cheddar or havarti, grapes of both colors, candied nuts if no one is allergic, olives, fig and pepper preserves, cornichons, some salami and pepperoni, and some strawberries thrown around for fun. You can spread this across a few platters. Have baguette slices and water crackers and TJ's everything crackers.

For drinks offer red, white, sparkling apple cider, water, juice for kids, and something like orange pelligrino soda.


Dinner:
A nice meat: what is that to your family? Salmon broiled with lemon and dill? Filet with bernaise? Roast chicken with lots of garlic and beautiful roasted veggies under it to catch the drippings? You can begin this after guests arrive.

Mashed potatoes please everyone (except my dad, who has acid reflux) OR orzo tossed with olive oil, lemon zest, roasted or sautéed garlic slices, sun-dried tomato pieces, and handfuls of spinach (will wilt) and salt and pepper. You can literally make this last minute - deal with the garlic ahead of time and just make the pasta and toss it all together right before serving.

Green salad: mixed greens, thin persian cucumber slices cut on a bias, thin slices of purple carrot, red pepper slices, grape tomatoes and a nice balsamic vinaigrette - simple and clean and very pretty. You can make this before guests arrive.

Fresh asparagus or green beans, plan with butter and salt and maybe lemon.

Fresh rolls or bread and butter.

Dessert:
Buy it if it stresses you out: a pretty cake + a few pints of ice cream (peppermint, pistachio, vanilla) and candies (can also be bought). Coffee and tea.

Also be welcoming to the other relatives who want to bring something and probably haven't been allowed to when your MIL was hosting. Let them bring their favorite dish or give them something to bring.

I want to echo the comments about prepping being the key. I hosted over 30 people for Thanksgiving and had some crazy relatives coming. I prepped everything before hand, made as many dishes as possible ahead of time for dishes where this works and had the kitchen cleaned hours before everyone arrived. We cleaned the house and set up the tables early the prior day. I did this so I wouldn't be pre-occupied for whatever chaos arose. I was shocked at how much easier this was than other dinner parties.

The other plus about being prepped and ready to go is that if you have a less than helpful relative that always inserts herself right in the middle you cut this off before it starts. If there is nothing to do, you don't need to deal with the critiques or chaos. You can just tell her that everything is done so she should just go enjoy herself.

Things that people appreciate most seem to be -well cooked food with good presentation. It shouldn't be complicated or overly fancy. Just use good serving ware and garnish. Grab a bag of cranberries, green garnishes, small apples, lemons or oranges -whatever is pretty for garnish. If you have Brie En Croute -thinly slice some green apples and get good water crackers.

We have a large screen TV in the family room and hooked up a photo stream of old family photos of everyone. This was a great distraction and back drop before it was time to sit down.

Anonymous wrote:
Relax and have fun with everyone else, because if she's anything like my mother, she'll find fault NO MATTER WHAT.

Ha. But true--if you focus on one-upping MIL, you'll be stressed and anxious and she'll still find fault. Pick recipes that are tried-and-true that you know will turn out well and you don't have to fuss over. Make sure there's plenty of food and drink, try to be organized in advance so you don't have lots of last-minute things to deal with, and relax and have fun and be a warm, gracious, at-ease hostess, not a competitive stressball.

Anonymous wrote:The key is--whether you serve pizza or Coquilles St. Jaques--is for you to smile, be calm and laugh and have fun no matter what. And I mean even if you drop the beef tenderloin on the kitchenn floor.

Even if she criticizes the menu or the decor or anything, if you are smiling and joyous, and your guests have a good time, you've won.

Repeat her criticisms in a way that engages others to shout them down.

[A shade louder than is necessary:]

"Oh, Susan, I'm so sorry you don't like the goat cheese mashed potatoes. I thought everyone would enjoy something a little different."

OMG I'm doing this with my MIL from now on. She is always telling me, as an aside, all the things she doesn't like. She does this constantly. Yet if you ask her ahead of time what she likes/wants she says "oh anything". FALSE!