....oh, and be sure to tell your MIL that you explained her discomfort/disinterest in spending time with them so figured this would be the best option. Your MIL is a piece of work.

If you really want to make your MIL nuts, make special plans for your parents and your kids out of the house (tickets to an event) and casually let her know about the plans adding that since you know she doesn't want to see your parents but that they'd like to spend time with the kids while they're off school too that they made those plans. So she'll have that night free.

Anonymous wrote:Be honest! My in laws have zero interest in spending time with my parents and I was up front with my parents about this right away so this never comes up. They exchange holiday cards and that’s the extent of the relationship.

I think in OP’s case her MIL does act like she wants a relationship with OP’s parents and is happy to accept things from her parents and catch up on the phone, but doesn’t want to spend an hour or two with them due to her own discomfort about being the “away” grandparent. That’s also probably why OP’s parents are confused when she hides from them that she’s coming and wants OP to handle the situation in her favor. That’s selfish of her and she’s not thinking of what’s good for the grandkids—only her own feelings.

Be honest! My in laws have zero interest in spending time with my parents and I was up front with my parents about this right away so this never comes up. They exchange holiday cards and that’s the extent of the relationship.

The OP's description of MIL trying to insert herself into their vacation is NUTS. You ( or DH) need to set MIL straight that she is visiting YOUR house.

Your MIL is weird. Invite your parents over if you want. MIL is a guest. That doesn't mean she gets to dictate who you invite over your own house.

OP, I don't know why you are trying to protect your mother's feelings about this situation. Your MIL's behavior is odd. Don't try to finesse it. Just explain that she doesn't want to spend time with your parents and let the chips fall where they may. If I were your mom, sure, I'd be annoyed with your MIL but at least I wouldn't be wondering why you were giving me the run around.

Your MIL is weird. My parents are local -see them maybe 2 to 4 times a month- while in laws live out of the country. They're not really friends and rarely chit chat on the phone. In laws visit twice a year for a couple weeks at a time and bring my parents, my siblings, and nephews gifts and insist on taking my parents out for dinner with us. My parents always host dinner at least 1 evening every time in laws visit. So yeah, I find this dynamic of your MIL not even wanting to see them for a couple hours for a meal petty.

Anonymous wrote:MIL likely wants to avoid seeing her grandchildren more loving and familiar with your local parents. Tough.

I think this is it in a nutshell. In the past I’ve tried to be sensitive to this and we plan a meal in a restaurant which is neutral territory vs. at my house where my parents have the “upper hand” because they’re more familiar with it. But I also feel like MIL should be able to make nice for 2 hours or so considering she’s happy to keep up her front of being interested in maintaining a relationship with my parents, but doesn’t want to ever actually see them. I do think it would be nice for the kids’ sake to see them all together.

FWIW, we’re Jewish so the Christmas piece isn’t really a factor here. -OP

Your MIL is a nutcase - if you want to, have your parents over and she needs to deal.

Your husband needs to step up to the plate here.

I would actually sympathize with MIL if Op's mom was dropping by a lot. But if Op is only planning one dinner, MIL would have to deal with it - especially around Christmas time.

Anonymous wrote:Whose paying for MIL's trip? If it's out of her own pocket,then it's her decision who she spends her time with, your mother will just have to get over it.

Lol. In Op's house? You're funny.

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are local they probably have a better relationship it’s your kids so if they are there at the same time, your mil does not get the kids attention or feels bad. Let her have her time. Why are your parents so insistent on butting in?

eh, if she's there for a week at Christmas she is going to have to deal with the fact that she is not the only family member that Op and her dh have. It's actually pretty nervy for MIL to try to ban her DIL's own mother from dropping by that week. She sounds sort of nuts, tbh.

Whose paying for MIL's trip? If it's out of her own pocket,then it's her decision who she spends her time with, your mother will just have to get over it.

If your parents are local they probably have a better relationship it’s your kids so if they are there at the same time, your mil does not get the kids attention or feels bad. Let her have her time. Why are your parents so insistent on butting in?