OP here- Thanks so much for the honest opinions, I really appreciate it!

I didn’t date much when I was overweight and now the attention is a little overwhelming. I do want to eventually get married and I think I’d be a great step mom some day. Im not just looking to hook up, so that’s why I was wondering if men might see me as a red flag. I’m a kindergarten teacher so I do like kids, but I know the ship has sailed for me to have my own and that’s okay.

I didn’t hide in my house for years while overweight, I travelled extensively so I guess I’m interesting in that way. I’m not a complete loner, but my circle is small. It’s just that people always ask right away why I’m still single and I don’t really know what to say. Eventually I have to open up about the weight, but for now I just say I didn’t find the one.

Is there anything I can do to make myself more appealing at this age? Not looks wise but just in general.

To remove the red flag and stigma of being a 'left over', just tell people you were married briefly and quickly divorced and you burned all the pictures.

To remove the red flag and stigma of being a 'left over', just tell people you were married briefly and quickly divorced and you burned all the pictures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My reply has been "Why are you assuming I want to be married?" I'm 45, never married, and no desire to be. I turned down three proposals. I'm not interested in marriage at all, and definitely don't want kids (my own or someone else's).

Sounds unconvincing and try-hard tbh.

Why are you also assuming I care about that?

You're commenting on a forum at least half concerned with marriage?

At 44 I think your chances of making a long term relationship work are slim. Maybe just marry someone and get divorced so you can check off that box. Been there done that.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think it could mean you were cautious. There are a ton of losers out there and good for you for dodging them. I think you were only a couple of years older than I was. I got married at 40 and had two kids after. I had to lie about my age originally because but, you do what you have to do.

But as an aside, ,a guy might have preconceived ideas about a 30-something vs a 40 something but really all they care about is that you are thin and attractive and take care of your self

OMG you lied about your age? THAT IS A MAJOR RED FLAG.

Enjoy dating you’ve worked hard and earned the right to be selective. Don’t let other peoples hang ups get in the way of your happiness. No need to explain your situation just say personal choice. You don’t have to apologize for your past or defend it. Good luck out there, your life sounds pretty cool.

to random soy people : Haven't met the right person, but if you know someone great, I'm ready!

to someone you are dating: the truth.

What if you say you have not met anyone compatible.

Personally, I think it could mean you were cautious. There are a ton of losers out there and good for you for dodging them. I think you were only a couple of years older than I was. I got married at 40 and had two kids after. I had to lie about my age originally because but, you do what you have to do.

But as an aside, ,a guy might have preconceived ideas about a 30-something vs a 40 something but really all they care about is that you are thin and attractive and take care of your self

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My reply has been "Why are you assuming I want to be married?" I'm 45, never married, and no desire to be. I turned down three proposals. I'm not interested in marriage at all, and definitely don't want kids (my own or someone else's).

Sounds unconvincing and try-hard tbh.

^ small mind, minuscule world view

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My reply has been "Why are you assuming I want to be married?" I'm 45, never married, and no desire to be. I turned down three proposals. I'm not interested in marriage at all, and definitely don't want kids (my own or someone else's).

Sounds unconvincing and try-hard tbh.

Why are you also assuming I care about that?

Anonymous wrote:My reply has been "Why are you assuming I want to be married?" I'm 45, never married, and no desire to be. I turned down three proposals. I'm not interested in marriage at all, and definitely don't want kids (my own or someone else's).

Sounds unconvincing and try-hard tbh.

Anonymous wrote:Singlehood is a red flag like divorce is a red flag. DAMAGED.

Singlehood can be pretty amazing. I was single til 40. Love my partner, and still occasionally miss being single. Enjoying your own company is pretty healthy. He was single too btw, didn’t consider him damaged. We both are incredibly human, experiences, and compassionate for having time for ourselves.

My reply has been "Why are you assuming I want to be married?" I'm 45, never married, and no desire to be. I turned down three proposals. I'm not interested in marriage at all, and definitely don't want kids (my own or someone else's).

If you do want to be married, I would use a PP's line and say you haven't met the right one yet.