Anonymous wrote:Sorry but how do you know that the US isn't referring to all of you kids, including in-laws and grandkids

I think the big hint is that when her DH says, 'no I want to give a gift that is from Susie and me' and is rebuffed by sister year after year when similar proposals are suggested.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but how do you know that the US isn't referring to all of you kids, including in-laws and grandkids

I guess when the communication is only directed at her siblings and states “just us” it seems exclusive, not inclusive.

Sorry but how do you know that the US isn't referring to all of you kids, including in-laws and grandkids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said this year it was a house Reno. That is definitely the type of things my immediate siblings and I give out parents.

We arrange collecting money between the siblings and buy them a bigger gift (usually an experience, a trip, or something new for their good). I assume my siblings speak to their spouses about the gift/money but I don't know know. We give it to them from 'all of us'.

I don't understand why your DH would be against going in on a shared gift fr a Reno. If that is what they need / want, then join in and give it to them.

I have one SIL who is an only child and so she can't afford to give her parents the gifts we give out parents (5 kids). I know she is resentful of that sometimes but it is just the reality of family size.

Because the way the OP's SIL wants to do it is say this reno is from your REAL KIDS, not from the husbands and wives they married. I'd think it was great if the card listed 6 people or "from all of us" meaning all 3 families. But she is being weird by having a big gift exchange where the 3 real kids give gifts to each other and their parents but NOT TO THE GRANDCHILDREN. If they want to give gifts to each other, they can do that privately without 6-8 people sitting and watching. That is what is rude.

I don't think the OPs SIL put "THE REAL KIDS" on the card. Let's stop being dramatic shall we?

OP here, it wasn't "the real kids" but it was close enough.

I believe the exact words were "Mom and Dad would love it if we could contribute to xyz reno from just *US* kids" in a joint email to her siblings.

Oh well, i'm over it. This is who SIL is and it's not going to change. She is hellbent on pretending other people outside her immediate family don't exist. I'm just glad that DH consistently enforces boundaries and isn't ok with this type of behavior. Nonetheless, it sucks to be at DH's family gatherings next to someone who has just about as much regard for you and your kid as a potted plant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said this year it was a house Reno. That is definitely the type of things my immediate siblings and I give out parents.

We arrange collecting money between the siblings and buy them a bigger gift (usually an experience, a trip, or something new for their good). I assume my siblings speak to their spouses about the gift/money but I don't know know. We give it to them from 'all of us'.

I don't understand why your DH would be against going in on a shared gift fr a Reno. If that is what they need / want, then join in and give it to them.

I have one SIL who is an only child and so she can't afford to give her parents the gifts we give out parents (5 kids). I know she is resentful of that sometimes but it is just the reality of family size.

Because the way the OP's SIL wants to do it is say this reno is from your REAL KIDS, not from the husbands and wives they married. I'd think it was great if the card listed 6 people or "from all of us" meaning all 3 families. But she is being weird by having a big gift exchange where the 3 real kids give gifts to each other and their parents but NOT TO THE GRANDCHILDREN. If they want to give gifts to each other, they can do that privately without 6-8 people sitting and watching. That is what is rude.

I don't think the OPs SIL put "THE REAL KIDS" on the card. Let's stop being dramatic shall we?

My siblings and I discuss when we are going in on a gift for my parents and I don't involve DH on the conversation. The gift is from all of us though.

Honestly, i think it totally depends on the family and sibling dynamic. I have 4 sisters. We all exchange gifts, typically beauty stuff or a fun scarf but don't give couple gifts to eachother.
My sisters and i buy our mom the same things, she likes doing what we do adn get our dad some sports stuff every year.
My DH does ZERO with picking anything out (i don't expect him to) but we just give the gifts to our parents at Xmas. I guess it is from us girls but with couple money? No one cares. Not one man has ever complained or bitched and moaned about not getting credit for my mom's face mask.

With DH side, his brother usually chooses a large gift and tells us what we owe. I have never read the card to see who it is from adn i don't care. It is our money so either way i am contributing to it and MIL and FIL know this.
If this is your only issue to worry about be very very thankful this Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:You said this year it was a house Reno. That is definitely the type of things my immediate siblings and I give out parents.

We arrange collecting money between the siblings and buy them a bigger gift (usually an experience, a trip, or something new for their good). I assume my siblings speak to their spouses about the gift/money but I don't know know. We give it to them from 'all of us'.

I don't understand why your DH would be against going in on a shared gift fr a Reno. If that is what they need / want, then join in and give it to them.

I have one SIL who is an only child and so she can't afford to give her parents the gifts we give out parents (5 kids). I know she is resentful of that sometimes but it is just the reality of family size.

Because the way the OP's SIL wants to do it is say this reno is from your REAL KIDS, not from the husbands and wives they married. I'd think it was great if the card listed 6 people or "from all of us" meaning all 3 families. But she is being weird by having a big gift exchange where the 3 real kids give gifts to each other and their parents but NOT TO THE GRANDCHILDREN. If they want to give gifts to each other, they can do that privately without 6-8 people sitting and watching. That is what is rude.

You said this year it was a house Reno. That is definitely the type of things my immediate siblings and I give out parents.

We arrange collecting money between the siblings and buy them a bigger gift (usually an experience, a trip, or something new for their good). I assume my siblings speak to their spouses about the gift/money but I don't know know. We give it to them from 'all of us'.

I don't understand why your DH would be against going in on a shared gift fr a Reno. If that is what they need / want, then join in and give it to them.

I have one SIL who is an only child and so she can't afford to give her parents the gifts we give out parents (5 kids). I know she is resentful of that sometimes but it is just the reality of family size.

Anonymous wrote:But how do you stop exchanging gifts with adults when no one else has kids? Everyone wants to buy for my kids. I proposed no gifts for adults but was told that wasn't fair since adults buy for my kids. I proposed them not buying for my kids either and they told me no

Adults could draw names, so everyone gets one gift and gives one gift. This worked in my husbands family until the whole thing ended.

Anonymous wrote:I really dislike the whole adults exchanging gifts thing anyway but your SIL is just weird, mean, and rude to want to exchange gifts between adult siblings and their parents but exclude in laws and kids. How strange. Good that your husband objects every year, weird that she keeps asking year after year when he's made it clear he's not into it.

Op here - yes. This is what’s weird about the whole thing to me, the open gift exchange between certain family members only while excluding others. Plus my IL’s make a big deal of everyone sitting and watching while they do the gift exchange. It’s weird.

But how do you stop exchanging gifts with adults when no one else has kids? Everyone wants to buy for my kids. I proposed no gifts for adults but was told that wasn't fair since adults buy for my kids. I proposed them not buying for my kids either and they told me no

I really dislike the whole adults exchanging gifts thing anyway but your SIL is just weird, mean, and rude to want to exchange gifts between adult siblings and their parents but exclude in laws and kids. How strange. Good that your husband objects every year, weird that she keeps asking year after year when he's made it clear he's not into it.

I always buy for nieces and nephews, but have never bought for my sibling’s partners. We’re not big on gifts, in general. Christmas is a family togetherness event to us.

Tbh, I resent the focus on gifts at the IL’s events. I refuse to buy multiple, costly gifts for the adults. I make them something, and call it a day.