Anonymous
Post 12/14/2018 00:55     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
She needs help not punishment. Why does she avoid school so much.
Anonymous
Post 12/14/2018 00:24     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
Wow.

Is your spouse her parent?

Cancelling Christmas is a recipe for disaster. Figure out what is going on.

Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 23:28     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:Do any of us know why our children are depressed, have anxiety, need educational coaches? Serious question.

School is too demanding, children in middle school are not developmentally able to handle the high level executive functions required Of them.



The situation isn't new. Kids have been dropping out of high school or barely passing for decades and decades. We have better supports and awareness now for differences like learning disabilities like dyslexia and for attention problems like ADHD, but still a huge percentage of kids who have these conditions are missed. ADHD does not occur more often in boys than girls, but it is diagnosed more in boys.

Many school districts don't have people trained in diagnosing dyslexia even on staff, let alone reading specialists trained in teaching kids with dyslexia to read.

I just watched a documentary called Road Trip Nation: Being You. It is for free online. The stories are the same over and over again.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 23:01     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
Negative strategies aren't working. Use Xmas to heal family dynamic. Have fun. Don't focus on the tension. Provide positive reinforcement for small improvements. She is seeking limits, even if she doesn't know that.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 22:18     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No way, honestly it sounds like you have been taking the easy way out.

Taking her phone? EASY
No social activities? EASY
No Christmas presents? EASY

Parenting teens is hard. You need to do the hard work of talking to your child and asking them what is going on. Why is she being late to class all the time? Why is she leaving class for extended amounts of time?

Why are you only addressing the symptoms that something is wrong as behaviorial issues instead of looking for the causes?

Does your dd have low grades because she isn't in class, or is she not in class because she has low grades and is struggling?

20% of people have learning disabilities or attention issues. 1 in 8 kids have anxiety.

Agree and good advice. Why parents think punishment is the answer always baffles me



You have tried taking a rigid approach, how is that working for you? Is it working so well you really want to double down on it?


Excellent advice!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 22:16     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:If it were my kid, I'd talk about options for improving grades. I'd also talk about what the future looks like and help her map it out. I'd talk about employment options and which ones require a college degree. Kid needs a plan, not punishment. Also, Christmas is unrelated to school performance.


Absolutely agree. Taking away Christmas seems cruel and will build resentment for years
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 21:53     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
Do not take away Christmas.

Therapist and/or Executive Function Coach ASAP (ask the school counselors for suggestions/names, if they come up short, ask friends). Your child needs help and support, not more punishments.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 21:33     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
So should sub par parenting and being late to help her succeed, mean that you and your husband should get no gifts for Christmas?
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 21:24     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
Do any of us know why our children are depressed, have anxiety, need educational coaches? Serious question.

School is too demanding, children in middle school are not developmentally able to handle the high level executive functions required Of them.

Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 21:02     Subject: Punishment: No Christmas?
I’d try finding out what is wrong. Counseling before Christmas cancellation!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 20:59     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:No way, honestly it sounds like you have been taking the easy way out.

Taking her phone? EASY
No social activities? EASY
No Christmas presents? EASY

Parenting teens is hard. You need to do the hard work of talking to your child and asking them what is going on. Why is she being late to class all the time? Why is she leaving class for extended amounts of time?

Why are you only addressing the symptoms that something is wrong as behaviorial issues instead of looking for the causes?

Does your dd have low grades because she isn't in class, or is she not in class because she has low grades and is struggling?

20% of people have learning disabilities or attention issues. 1 in 8 kids have anxiety.

You have tried taking a rigid approach, how is that working for you? Is it working so well you really want to double down on it?


Excellent advice!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 19:42     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't make it to class on time EVERY SINGLE CLASS next week, you will take off work and start attending class with her. Tell her teachers.

You might have to show up once but that will be the last time. Embarrass the heck out of her.


This. It will probably on take one day. You are never going to follow through with the cancel christmas thing. It is just not a realistic punishment.


Attending classes all day with a kid is a good approach (if the school allows it) for kids who are confrontational with teachers. Tardy to classes? No. OP is just going to push her kid to further alienate her dd instead of helping her.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 19:22     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't make it to class on time EVERY SINGLE CLASS next week, you will take off work and start attending class with her. Tell her teachers.

You might have to show up once but that will be the last time. Embarrass the heck out of her.


This. It will probably on take one day. You are never going to follow through with the cancel christmas thing. It is just not a realistic punishment.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 19:07     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:


Thanks for the laugh!


OP your dd has textbook symptoms of "something going on" and you need to step up to the plate here. It is a challenge to figure out what your first step is, where to go, who your insurance covers. It will most likely cost you money out of pocket.

It is much easier to think it is just her being lazy and irresponsible than to face that your child might have something else going on. I am willing to be money that your "cancel Christmas" dh can't even tolerate the idea that there could be something else going on with her that is causing these symptoms.

But when we have kids we have a responsibility to do the best we can to help them. Your dd needs help, not more punishments.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2018 19:00     Subject: Re:Punishment: No Christmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Too big in my opinion but my kids are younger. Have you had her screened for ADHD? Doesn't sound like she is a bad kid. She is just losing track of time.


+1
Get her a watch with a timer.

Given the title of your post, I thought you were going to say your kid did something horrific, like commit a crime, but taking away Christmas bc she loses track of time?



Same. OP I agree it's a big deal -- especially leaving class for extended periods doesn't sound like losing track of time to me, it sounds like smoking or planning to meet up with friends and skip class together. But it's still something short of taking away all Christmas. Sub-par grades or failing out? Late for/leaves class or skipping school entirely? Keep some perspective. (But keep her phone too.)