Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a terrible friend!

No she’s really not.

Maybe when you go out, you can set a time limit for venting. Sometimes if I have had a crappy work week, I'll say, "can I vent for five minutes?" I do, I maybe solicit advice for a few minutes and then we move on. The rest of the night is positive. She is actually ruining her nights out with the complaining, and she may not realize that.

Divorce ain't terminal cancer. Spilling misery onto friends when it ain't terminal cancer is a character flaw. It's fine to be in shock and anxiety ridden but have perspective for how you impact other people. Try to be an example not a parasite.

The first holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc. will be very hard for her. Acknowledge her feelings and then see if you can brainstorm together things that might make her feel better. But she needs an ear and a shoulder to cry on. If you need to see her a bit less frequently, do that.

That's not necessarily more kind especially if it results in less contact. I'd be straight with her and let her know your tolerance is waning so she can decide if she wants to choose to alter her behavior. Keeping the closer contact may be more important.

You are under no obligation to listen to endless complaining. Tell her she can make the same complaint *three* times only. Ha! She may not be able to help how she feels but she can control expressing it. Friend or not, you are under no obligation to listen to endless complaining.

OP, you are a terrible friend!

I suggest group outings with her.

People going through divorce can be very myopic. It’s great to include her, but maybe establish a no kids/relationship talk on certain nights out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc. will be very hard for her. Acknowledge her feelings and then see if you can brainstorm together things that might make her feel better. But she needs an ear and a shoulder to cry on. If you need to see her a bit less frequently, do that.

This! Last winter was my first separated and it sucked - and so did my attitude! This winter is so much easier. Take space, but be there for her as you’re able. She’s healing.

yep, and I definitely recall the people who were really there for me and who weren't.

This is so true. The people that are there in bad times as well as good are your true friends. The ones that weren't there best to dump.

OP, what if this were you? What would you want her to do?