" This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever.

So you get a free ride with a communications major but you risk owing a substantial amount if you major in physics? yeah. good move.

Don't major in physics unless you love it and are prepared to study hard and do well.

This is a good message to send whether or not you tie reimbursement of tuition to performance."

Almost exactly 0 first-time college students can reasonably know these 3 points.

Very few HSs teach enough physics to allow a student to figure out if they love it.

Depending on the HS, many kids have no idea what it means to "study hard" when they actually get to a selective university.

Even if a student has learned to study hard in HS, if they choose to attend a college that is a reach for their HS record, "doing well" is a roll of the dice that involves lots of factors unrelated to academic effort.

For example, I went to a fairly rural HS. I went to a top 20 university. That university let me skip every introductory course. It was a disaster.

My parents patiently sent me back for the second semester. I almost made the cut except the college insisted I needed a C- rather than a D+ in the course I took in my major course to continue.

I transferred to my state flagship. Never got a grade lower than a B+ and graduated with honors.

When I went to grad school, I faced the same problem. My background was weak and I got straight gentlemens' Bs my first semester.

After that semester, once my background was the same as the other grad students in my class, I never got another B.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you mean by "punish," OP. Do you mean are you supposed to ground your 18 or 19 year old or take away their electronics over break? The answer to that would be NO in most families.

It sounds like they have been open with you about their poor first semester and that's a good sign. You should have a talk about it, see if they need extra supports, a different major, a tutor, less partying, fewer early morning classes, etc. I'm sure they realize that they screwed up and learned something in the process about what it's going to take to do better. Poor grades are not necessarily a result of poor behavior.

A lot of kids plan to have access to a car over winter break. A lot of kids may want parents to fund spring break trip. A lot of kids may expect some $$$ when the return in January. I guess withholding these perks could be seen as punishment? You could also make them get some shitty job over break instead of sitting in their ass for 4 weeks and crushing beers with friends. If their grades are shit, they don't deserve a "break"; they've been at college just hangin' out.

^^ I don't mean their standards are lower, but rather the grades they assign.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever.

So you get a free ride with a communications major but you risk owing a substantial amount if you major in physics? yeah. good move.

Don't major in physics unless you love it and are prepared to study hard and do well.

This is a good message to send whether or not you tie reimbursement of tuition to performance.

So not the point.

Yeah, physics is hard, whether you love it or not,

1. but the grading standards by the profs are lower, so a good GPA is lower than in the fluffy majors.

2. I would prefer my child take some risks and stretch, even if that means risking worse grades than he'd get in a fluffy major.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine whose been through it gave me the advice that for the first semester you take a hands off approach given the level of transition.

I don't agree. What I needed first semester was a kick in the ass.

Then you clearly weren't ready for college.

As someone who failed out of college the first time, I think you need to understand the cause before you can intervene. But my attitude with my DD, who was diagnosed with a chronic illness a month before college was that the only test I needed her to pass was a blood test. And, she can always come home. Do you want your student to ever come home again, OP? Then take a careful approach when criticizing and remember you aren’t doing the work and may not know what you are really talking about. Try listening and try to imagine the reality. Are they overloaded? Do they know the magic of dropping a class or two? Office hours? Free tutoring in the library? Or maybe the trick that most college students get all their HW done at the coffee shop? Is it 15 degrees with a minus 5 windchill and they were dumb enough to sign up the 8am section? Lots of things to consider before you open your mouth and demand a change unless you have real solutions to offer.

I'm not sure what you mean by "punish," OP. Do you mean are you supposed to ground your 18 or 19 year old or take away their electronics over break? The answer to that would be NO in most families.

It sounds like they have been open with you about their poor first semester and that's a good sign. You should have a talk about it, see if they need extra supports, a different major, a tutor, less partying, fewer early morning classes, etc. I'm sure they realize that they screwed up and learned something in the process about what it's going to take to do better. Poor grades are not necessarily a result of poor behavior.

Anonymous wrote:IMO: Punish? No, that ship has sailed. Your baby is all grown up and is now facing real world consequences. You absolutely can have a discussion about that and offer to help your child strategize and plan for the coming struggle.

Now is the time for advice, not punishment.

+1

If the low GPA caused my kid to lose his merit scholarship, he would need to transfer to an in-state school in order for us to continue to fund his higher education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever.

So you get a free ride with a communications major but you risk owing a substantial amount if you major in physics? yeah. good move.

Don't major in physics unless you love it and are prepared to study hard and do well.

This is a good message to send whether or not you tie reimbursement of tuition to performance.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine whose been through it gave me the advice that for the first semester you take a hands off approach given the level of transition.

I don't agree. What I needed first semester was a kick in the ass.

Anonymous wrote:If you want them to improve, then encouragement is the better approach. Punishment will get them to hate school and learning.

Pffft tough shit. That might be true if you were dealing with someone in kindergarten, but someone in college is old enough to get the connection between their poor behavior and the resulting negative consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The GPA to keep financial aid is the same as academic probation. It's like keeping sports eligibility in high school, pretty much a joke.

Anyone can plow through a bachelors with a 2.0 gpa if everything is free.

I think the only kids that really feel pressure are donut hole families where parents are putting up significant money relative to HHI.

Oh shut up. This simply isn't true. I went to college on major financial aid and felt plenty of pressure, and my kids were all full pay and felt pressure as well. We were on both sides of your silly donut hole.

+1 on the shut up. I went to college with parents who could easily pay for my ivy education. And I felt a huge amount of pressure to do well.

Anonymous wrote:This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever.

So you get a free ride with a communications major but you risk owing a substantial amount if you major in physics? yeah. good move.

"We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years."

This is a viable option.

"This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever."

This is NOT, unless you have a child whose trust fund allows them to pay their college bill in the first place.

No one is saying parents should "just pay for college". We are trying to describe plans that give kids incentive rather than put them in a position that requires perfection.

This is why parents shouldn't just pay for college. Tie reimbursement of tuition to performance. I.e. I pay 89% if you get a 3.0, 100% if you get a 4.0, whatever.