Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:52     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No - It’s not unique to have two parents home at 5pm every night and have home-cooked meals all together at the dinner table every night? Plus the money for college/first home, EC music lessons, expensive sport, tutors...that’s what most people have?

If that is not unique it is news to most of America.



Wait how do you get both parents home by 5?? That alone is really really hard if you also have decent income.


We are both in technology sales and when not seeing customers WFH ( we both work for SFO companies). Both of us never make appointments after 3pm and besides, customers never want to meet late. Furthermore rules disallow us to take customers out, so that eliminates all evening events/dinners.

Combine income varies widely. Bad year is 440k, average 600k, great year 900k.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:46     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.


Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.


Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.


Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:45     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.


Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.


Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:36     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.


Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.


So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.


Why is this perplexing? Do you know what bilingual even means? And what does travel to Peru have to do with the languages they speak, LOL!
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:20     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


My kids have all this too and I don’t consider them “haves.”

Personally, I think to be in “have” territory, it’s because you know your kids will be inheriting a 20M + trust fund at age 25. What you’re describing is normal UMC lifestyle. The world has gotten MUCH more competitive since the 80s and 90s. Even with everything you and I give our kids, we can’t guarantee their future success. It’s money and (big) trust funds that can.


There are “haves”, “have mores”, and “have it alls”. You and your family are “haves” ( at least), the ones with $20m are have-it-all’s.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:11     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
I think there’s multiple categories of haves. Sure the top category would be the kids that have a 20mil or 500 mil or whatever trust waiting for them the day they graduate college.

Since 99.9% of kids will never have that – I think the secondary more “attainable” category of haves are the kids whose parents can afford to pay 75k/yr (or 100k/yr in a few yrs probably) for 4 yrs of college + all of med/law/b school AND hand them a down payment on a house in a HCOL area AND pay for their wedding. Doesn’t sound like much to the people posting here, but if you start a residency or biglaw or whatever with a net worth of ZERO AND not having to worry about saving for a down payment, you are already miles ahead of your peers these days. At that point your career decisions are based on what’s good for your career long term, not what you can afford – i.e. should I really pursue that fellowship in NYC bc it’ll be hard to live/start paying down debt for years. You start with a net worth of 0 on day 1 of your career + the ability to buy a home anywhere in a major metro area --- you are very much a have and are setting your future kids up to be haves as well; that’s why we see the UMC (or what DCUM calls middle class) lifestyle perpetuate in the same families generation after generation – bc prior generations set them up well.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 15:03     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:I’m 12:40 and mistyped - meant I was a NP (not “no”). I don’t think it is the norm to make high salaries and have both parents home by 5pm. If there is one SAHP in this scenario, it usually means other parent is working late or has frequent travel. One parent could be home, but both?


Agree it isn't common but not impossible either -- one SAHP + one runs a business that's a local and established business w many employees so the owner just oversees things. Honestly those are a lot of the folks that you see out and about at 2 pm on Tues -- they aren't chained to an office.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 14:26     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
I’m 12:40 and mistyped - meant I was a NP (not “no”). I don’t think it is the norm to make high salaries and have both parents home by 5pm. If there is one SAHP in this scenario, it usually means other parent is working late or has frequent travel. One parent could be home, but both?
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 14:23     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No - It’s not unique to have two parents home at 5pm every night and have home-cooked meals all together at the dinner table every night? Plus the money for college/first home, EC music lessons, expensive sport, tutors...that’s what most people have?

If that is not unique it is news to most of America.



Wait how do you get both parents home by 5?? That alone is really really hard if you also have decent income.


I SAH, my husband tries to work from home 2-3 days a week and usually goes to work early and tries to get home by 5, sometimes earlier. Its not that hard depending on the actual job.


What if both of you have actual jobs in Biglaw? I doubt you’re getting home at 5 pm everyday. If you are, you won’t be working in Biglaw much longer.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 14:09     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.


I'm not going to complain that my kids are a "have not" because they dont have a 7 or 8 figure trust fund. You are 100% out of touch with what a have is. Go spend some time with some actual poor kids. You are completely ungrounded and need to check your priviledge.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 14:05     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


My kids have all this too and I don’t consider them “haves.”

Personally, I think to be in “have” territory, it’s because you know your kids will be inheriting a 20M + trust fund at age 25. What you’re describing is normal UMC lifestyle. The world has gotten MUCH more competitive since the 80s and 90s. Even with everything you and I give our kids, we can’t guarantee their future success. It’s money and (big) trust funds that can.


Um, most kids do not get college paid for and most kids do not grow up UMC. What planet do you inhabit?
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 13:58     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No - It’s not unique to have two parents home at 5pm every night and have home-cooked meals all together at the dinner table every night? Plus the money for college/first home, EC music lessons, expensive sport, tutors...that’s what most people have?

If that is not unique it is news to most of America.



Wait how do you get both parents home by 5?? That alone is really really hard if you also have decent income.


I SAH, my husband tries to work from home 2-3 days a week and usually goes to work early and tries to get home by 5, sometimes earlier. Its not that hard depending on the actual job.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 13:54     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.


Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.


So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 13:16     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.


Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

I agree with the PP above. Several of my family members and I migrated to the US from Asia in the past 10-20 years and have succeeded very well solely on our own without any family connections in this country. What we did have were solid educations provided for us till high school. Our children will have many more advantages but they will also have to work hard. Trust funds not needed.


As you say, they will have to work hard. Which means, by definition, they are not “haves.” Don’t worry, that’s the way it is for most of us.

Nothing wrong with working hard and knowing how to hustle. They will always be able to stand on their own feet, which I consider more valuable than having everything handed to them.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2018 13:10     Subject: S/O what do you consider “haves”
Anonymous wrote:No - It’s not unique to have two parents home at 5pm every night and have home-cooked meals all together at the dinner table every night? Plus the money for college/first home, EC music lessons, expensive sport, tutors...that’s what most people have?

If that is not unique it is news to most of America.



Wait how do you get both parents home by 5?? That alone is really really hard if you also have decent income.