Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By any measure, I have succeeded in a male dominated profession. I also am a Mom. My husband is more successful from a financial stand point but works less hours and I am still expected to do 80% of anything kid related. He resents my job, my travel and my success. How to navigate?

You have a husband problem, not a career problem.

No she has a career problem, works more makes less. Perhaps her husband is smart enough to realize her job doesnt pay enough to justify the time.

Anonymous wrote:I have the same problem with my DH. The only thing that really works is to act like a man- I don’t ask or plead or bargain, I just do my thing and he can deal with it. He throws a lot of tantrums, but that’s his problem, not mine.

Agree with PP that marriage really isn’t beneficial for women anymore. I half-joke with my best friend that we’d be better off leaving our husbands, buying a house together, and using sperm donors.

Marriage offers nothing for men, there is only one thing you can do for him he cant do for himself. Go buy a house with your friend, women always do great with each other when money is involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Act like a Man. it’s pretty simple. Just keep pursuing your career. Ask him to daddy track his career.

He makes more than her and we do not know what her definition of "successful" is.

I do wonder about this. I have friends who make $30k and work a ton, and their DHs make $250k and work less. In those arrangements it doesn't seem odd that DH wouldn't be saying to DW "why don't you quit and find something less stressful to do?"

However, it seems weird that OP's DH is going to gym all day and leaving the work to her. So it sounds like her DH is still a jerk.

Leaving the work to her is her version. I have known women that think doing things only they want to be done, that no one else cares about or notices, think that means they do everything.
In your example he deserves it, her choice to have a hobby complicate her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like marriage is not as beneficial for women as as it once was. Society has tricked us into valuing it so we can keep procreating.

Unless you married Marty Ginsburg, then it’s good.
Most men are selfish as f$ck - it’s just take take take, want want want.
Let him cry a puddle of tears at night if he needs.
Enjoy your child - the time goes by fast!

Women like you are laughable, most women are not only selfish they are entitled to the point of self-harm. The idea of marriage being somehow more beneficial to men than women is laughable. Sound like unwanted middle-aged women speaking. It's not men whining about women not wanting to get married now is it? (The pathetic "feminist" telling men to "man up" and commit to marriage. Absolutely no benefit for men to get married today, zero. Especially to the 35+ herd looking for a security blanket that havent figured out their best days are well behind them.

Men are disadvantaged when it comes to marriage in that if a man wants to live under the same roof with his children and have an equal hand in their upbringing, marriage is the only answer. For women, that is not so. If a man does not want children, then this does not hold. But women have an upper hand when it comes to procreation so men who want to have children have to toe the line women set.

Exactly that is why marriage opens options for women and does nothing for men but create a potential problem.

Anonymous wrote:By any measure, I have succeeded in a male dominated profession. I also am a Mom. My husband is more successful from a financial stand point but works less hours and I am still expected to do 80% of anything kid related. He resents my job, my travel and my success. How to navigate?

You have a husband problem, not a career problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Act like a Man. it’s pretty simple. Just keep pursuing your career. Ask him to daddy track his career.

He makes more than her and we do not know what her definition of "successful" is.

I do wonder about this. I have friends who make $30k and work a ton, and their DHs make $250k and work less. In those arrangements it doesn't seem odd that DH wouldn't be saying to DW "why don't you quit and find something less stressful to do?"

However, it seems weird that OP's DH is going to gym all day and leaving the work to her. So it sounds like her DH is still a jerk.

This, I agree with. Although, with a $250K/yr income, it does seem like you could outsource a lot.

We bring in about 200K a year. I provide about $40K of that. But I only work 10-15 hours/wk. If I were going to work full time, I'd have to both love my job and make a lot more, at least until the kids are old enough to be home alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you're describing isn't normal, no. I'm successful and my husband supports my career. He doesn't like me traveling and is annoyed when I am home late. But he has never asked me to quit.

This.

+2. I don't like it when he travels and he's home late, either, and when I'm frazzled, I can be bitchy about it. And he's in the military, so it's not like it was a huge surprise!

What's getting to you is that he seems to be pretty clear that these are your responsibilities and not his, or, not yours as a part of a team running this family. Have you had that particular conversation with him: "Honey, do you think the kids and the house are primarily my responsibility? Why?" And see whether he's a chauvinist ass or just clueless and hasn't really thought about it.

OP - i have no idea what your subject line means.

I'm a partner in big law. While women only make up around 30% of our partners, we all tend to have pretty good marriages with supportive partner DHs. The male partners on the other hand seem to have much higher rates of divorce and marital problems. Of course, it could be possible that it's harder to achieve success for women *unless* you have a supportive male partner, so the douchebag jerk DHs like OP's keep the OPs from ever making partner. I guess it's a chicken and egg question.

I have the same problem with my DH. The only thing that really works is to act like a man- I don’t ask or plead or bargain, I just do my thing and he can deal with it. He throws a lot of tantrums, but that’s his problem, not mine.

Agree with PP that marriage really isn’t beneficial for women anymore. I half-joke with my best friend that we’d be better off leaving our husbands, buying a house together, and using sperm donors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Act like a Man. it’s pretty simple. Just keep pursuing your career. Ask him to daddy track his career.

He makes more than her and we do not know what her definition of "successful" is.

I do wonder about this. I have friends who make $30k and work a ton, and their DHs make $250k and work less. In those arrangements it doesn't seem odd that DH wouldn't be saying to DW "why don't you quit and find something less stressful to do?"

However, it seems weird that OP's DH is going to gym all day and leaving the work to her. So it sounds like her DH is still a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like marriage is not as beneficial for women as as it once was. Society has tricked us into valuing it so we can keep procreating.

Unless you married Marty Ginsburg, then it’s good.
Most men are selfish as f$ck - it’s just take take take, want want want.
Let him cry a puddle of tears at night if he needs.
Enjoy your child - the time goes by fast!

Women like you are laughable, most women are not only selfish they are entitled to the point of self-harm. The idea of marriage being somehow more beneficial to men than women is laughable. Sound like unwanted middle-aged women speaking. It's not men whining about women not wanting to get married now is it? (The pathetic "feminist" telling men to "man up" and commit to marriage. Absolutely no benefit for men to get married today, zero. Especially to the 35+ herd looking for a security blanket that havent figured out their best days are well behind them.

Men are disadvantaged when it comes to marriage in that if a man wants to live under the same roof with his children and have an equal hand in their upbringing, marriage is the only answer. For women, that is not so. If a man does not want children, then this does not hold. But women have an upper hand when it comes to procreation so men who want to have children have to toe the line women set.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like marriage is not as beneficial for women as as it once was. Society has tricked us into valuing it so we can keep procreating.

Unless you married Marty Ginsburg, then it’s good.
Most men are selfish as f$ck - it’s just take take take, want want want.
Let him cry a puddle of tears at night if he needs.
Enjoy your child - the time goes by fast!

Women like you are laughable, most women are not only selfish they are entitled to the point of self-harm. The idea of marriage being somehow more beneficial to men than women is laughable. Sound like unwanted middle-aged women speaking. It's not men whining about women not wanting to get married now is it? (The pathetic "feminist" telling men to "man up" and commit to marriage. Absolutely no benefit for men to get married today, zero. Especially to the 35+ herd looking for a security blanket that havent figured out their best days are well behind them.

Anonymous wrote:No. Your husband is the problem.

+100000

My husband would NEVER say anything like this.

Anonymous wrote:Act like a Man. it’s pretty simple. Just keep pursuing your career. Ask him to daddy track his career.

He makes more than her and we do not know what her definition of "successful" is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like marriage is not as beneficial for women as as it once was. Society has tricked us into valuing it so we can keep procreating.

Unless you married Marty Ginsburg, then it’s good.
Most men are selfish as f$ck - it’s just take take take, want want want.
Let him cry a puddle of tears at night if he needs.
Enjoy your child - the time goes by fast!

+1. This is literally my advice to my daughter - don’t marry unless you’re sure he’s a Marty.

I have been engaged/married twice to men who professed that they were OK with my having a career. Both times words did not meet actions. I will never marry again.

Marty’s are a bit rare. Most guys will tell you what you want to hear until you get married.
This guy in college told me that ‘women love to clean, it’s in their bones!’ I punched him. He still seemed clueless.