You are a toxic, nasty person OP.

DH here: this is easy. Lift weights; start dating women far younger than her; be exquisitely kind to your ex in all your future interactions. Nothing will piss her off more, nor be harder for her to credibly complain about.

Some states have no-fault laws and that gets exploited by unscrupulous people. OP, I do not doubt that your STBX is a horrible person and you are reeling with the feeling that she has been rewarded at your expense by doing terrible things to you and your family.

How can you put things behind you? Especially when you have to pay maintainence and child-support, lost full custody of children, have to give a share of your future earnings, had to give 50% of your assets, have to still pay the burden of her CC debts and bad credit, she got the house, you cannot leave the state, she messed up the kids, she made you poor and she cheated and is flaunting her lovers? In every single way it seems she did better than you?

How do you live when she has done so much harm to you and made out like a bandit?
- The first thing to realize is that she is a toxic partner to you and you do not want to be her DH for the rest of your life. So the divorce is a win for you for not being associated with her.
- Do not get into any self-destructive life style yourself to cope with the aftermath - no drinking, smoking, taking drugs, gambling or prostitutes. This is entirely in your hands. If you do then she is winning even more.
- You do whatever you have to do to give your children a stable and loving home, by also being a good example to them, when they are with you and until they are emancipated. Do it like a duty and a job.
- You give her what the court has decreed because she also has custody (partial or full) and your kids are with her. You do not want to shit on your kids lives, even if they are taking her side, and provide for them until they are emancipated.
- You need to take care of your health, so hit the gym.
- You also need to take care of your career, so get some professional accreditation, start a business, go to school and become even more successful than you were.
- You will find love and you are still able to have another family in the future. You are not driven by your biological clock like women are. If you become healthier and you can amass wealth again...you are in the market again, unlike her.

Woman here. Idk what your ex w did, but I do know some horrible women. So I am going to assume you're justified, which is a big assumption. But here goes:
1. Get in amazing shape. Truly amazing. Not just trim and toned but work on those biceps and shoulders so you're one of those guys who looks hot from behind. Get some retinol and use it every day. Consider botox. Botox also makes you look serene and relaxed so you'll look unfazed by your ex w and as though her absence has given you back several years.
2. Take up some kind of charity or humanitarian effort.
3. Up your style game.
4. Get promoted.

Okay once you have done all of this,

5. Start dating. Even with the 4 kids, women will adore you and you will end up with someone much better.

And this is just a tip. Go to church. Fix your insides.

Anonymous wrote:The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

If you care this much, you still have strong feelings for her (or him). That’s for you to work on.

Agree 100%.

So harsh, ladies, please refrain from chucking those boulders from the balconies of your glass houses...

Simply marry a hotter, younger, sweeter woman who is the ultimate stepmom to your kids as they will communicate their adoration of her and the inevitable comparisons will irritate your ex. Live happily ever after, and be sure to occasionally post photos of your new, much better life on social media. If she cares, it will bother her. If it doesn't, your family and friends will love the updates.

Agree that just being happy and making them irrelevant to you is the best revenge. It’s maddening. I’ve been the person made to feel irrelevant and I’ve also been the person that made someone else that way. Nothing drives a person more crazy than knowing you don’t need them.

I dated a guy who turned out to be a total d*ck and one day was just done with him. We had an in person, adult conversation and broke up. After that he would text me—sometimes just an innocuous hello or did you see this TV show or whatever and I would just delete the text and not respond. This really seemed to drive him nuts. I’d get text after text, each one seeming more desperate. Never responded. When I started dating someone new and he found out he would text me about that, again, with no response. It’s been FIVE YEARS and he still tries to text me sometimes so I really feel he was sweating it out.

Anonymous wrote:Find a woman who is better than your ex and let her play mom to your kids. That will make her miserable.

Yeah, and this might happen though:

https://www.idahostatejournal.com/news/local/police-utah-woman-shot-ex-husband-s-girlfriend-dead-in/article_ad6c6083-82ec-59b8-822a-9f8afc5bea27.html

Maybe just yell at her on Jerry Springer instead?

The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

If you care this much, you still have strong feelings for her (or him). That’s for you to work on.

Anonymous wrote:Why are all the posters assuming that OP is a man? You don’t want to whip out your vitriol for a same sex relationship? How very DCUM.

Maybe because the stench of toxic masculinity was all over the OP?

Anonymous wrote:Date her ex best friend. Then tell her embarrassing stories about your wife.

In return, she’ll tell you what really happened with Rick and your XW during that “girls’ weekend” when she accidentally turned her phone off and didn’t realize it for 40 hours. Until she went to save Rick’s number. She’ll even show you the hot tub pic. It’ll be fun all around.

Why are all the posters assuming that OP is a man? You don’t want to whip out your vitriol for a same sex relationship? How very DCUM.

I’m separated from a douche like you. He tries every day to needle me, and most times I can let it go. He hates it and just tries harder and harder to get a rise out of me. I’m so happy to be free of him that pretty much nothing can bother me at a cellular level. He’s an annoying gnat flitting around and that’s it. So happy picking on your ex to you. You’re the only one who will come out of it in pain- promise you that.

Being happy is the best revenge. And looking good. Get your game on and get a new love. Take fabulous vacations with her and post it all over social media. Do super fun things with the old marital friend group without her, and again, post all over. Make bank. Your ex will hate it.

Oh for this to work you have to *not* be saddled with the kids most of the time. Just be an every other weekend dad. Whatever child support you have to pay is worth it.

Date her ex best friend. Then tell her embarrassing stories about your wife.