Anonymous wrote:No, she should not inherit half. If you are putting up with 90% of the eldercare aggro, you should get 90% of the money.

How weird to think like this. There was a lifetime before that. Should those years not count?
Equal shares are always best, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

OP, do you want to be paid fair dues for the caretaking of your mom? You can ask her for that and get paid the hourly wages for doing caretaking work (not visiting with your mom!).

After that, the inheritance should be divided equally.

OP did not like what majority of people suggested, which was reimbursement for cost incurred and a 50-50 split. She is making all kinds of excuses, but it is not sounding convincing.

I think OP is not a very nice person and may have played a part in distancing the sister from the family. OP sounds complicit.

No, your sister should not get anything as long as you are ok with never speaking to her or having any sort of relationship with her.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

OP- I am going to go against everyone else, but I agree wholeheartedly with you. My sister is a completely selfish, instigating, drama creator who would 1000% say something like "I don't like the way SD looks at me!" just to cause familial strife, and when pushed, just say "well he looked at me when I was talking at dinner" or some other perfectly normal time for anybody to be looking at you

You do deserve more, and your mom is asking your input because she agrees. I suggest 50% to you "as the caretaker", then the remaining 50% is divided amongst you two as an inheritence.

If I was your sister, I would challenge any recent change to her will from equal shares for undue influence.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

I'm disturbed you're splitting this hair between looking and touching. Your stepfather behaved toward your sister in a way that made her feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home, and that alone is terrible. I'm also disturbed that you don't seem to have enough of a sense of boundaries and proper conduct toward children to not be disturbed that your stepfather was eyeing you and your sister in a sexual way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

I think it's shitty your mom is even considering your input. Pretend as though there is no money. To her or you.

If he made her feel uncomfortable you should believe her.

So the sister does absolutely zero to help out and OP should just be fine with that? Maybe you should take your own advice and believe it when the OP says the sister is selfish.
I'm with the posters to set aside compensation for care and split the rest or something like the person who got the house and contents. It would be wrong to cut her out completely.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

I feel like this is changing your story. What you said in your OP was vague and intended to allude to abuse. I don't think you're giving us the full story here.

She should get half of the estate after your Mom passes OP.

I would work out a deal with Mom now, so it's in writing that you receive something(s) that are special that you want, or that you receive something equal in value to any expenses you are incurring now caring for your mom. It's not mercenary, and better than causing problems down the road with your sister.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

I think it's shitty your mom is even considering your input. Pretend as though there is no money. To her or you.

If he made her feel uncomfortable you should believe her.

OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

My father was the carer for his parents in their final years. His younger brother wasn't estranged insomuch as had drifted away and despite repeated efforts on the part of the parents and my father he chose to keep a somewhat distant relationship. We assume it's mainly because he became extremely religious and married someone from his church and her family effectively became his. My grandparents were not religious and had not responded to his overtures for them to embrace the faith more than they already did (they were conventional Episcopalian churchgoers but not spiritual and based on a few comments I suspect my grandfather was a private atheist). It may have been exacerbated by disparities in affluence, my grandparents were well off, and my father was successful in his own right, while my uncle never really achieved more than a simple clerical role as he chose to devote his energies to his church.

When my grandparents died, the estate was still split 50/50 between the two sons, however, my father inherited the entire contents of the house, which included many antiques and heirlooms. I get the impression that everyone was content with how it worked out.

Anonymous wrote:In any case, are you caring for your mother for the rich financial payout, orbecause you are concerned for her wellbeing?

"Yes" is a perfectly legitimate answer.