Sorry to burst the thread bubble but my IL's are great. They have always been very welcoming to me and they are devoted grandparents and very non judgemental. They are also very generous - my FIL recently disclaimed his inheritance from his father and had it go directly to all of his children. Money is pretty tight for us right now and this was a godsend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former in-laws here, but...

XH’s father called me names, spread a rumor I was pregnant with another man’s child, and encouraged his son to neglect and verbally abuse me while I was on bed rest in my second pregnancy.

His mother said she was horrified by this, but she didn’t intervene and later lied in an affidavit about what she had seen.

I have since learned that she herself was abused by XH’s father. I am cordial with her when we meet, but I do not speak to her husband.

XH’s second wife testified during their divorce that his father taunted her about what he’d done to me and gotten away with. This man is a prominent local doctor. He feels Teflon.

So you were wife #3?

She was probably #1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former in-laws here, but...

XH’s father called me names, spread a rumor I was pregnant with another man’s child, and encouraged his son to neglect and verbally abuse me while I was on bed rest in my second pregnancy.

His mother said she was horrified by this, but she didn’t intervene and later lied in an affidavit about what she had seen.

I have since learned that she herself was abused by XH’s father. I am cordial with her when we meet, but I do not speak to her husband.

XH’s second wife testified during their divorce that his father taunted her about what he’d done to me and gotten away with. This man is a prominent local doctor. He feels Teflon.

So you were wife #3?

What are you reading that comes up with 3 wives?

Anonymous wrote:I cannot decide between withholding a payment for a wedding dress that she wanted me to wear for a ceremony in her country (we were broke at the time) or withholding info that my 10 year old came down with Denge fever while on vacation with them.

I couldn’t forgive the second.

Anonymous wrote:My former in-laws here, but...

XH’s father called me names, spread a rumor I was pregnant with another man’s child, and encouraged his son to neglect and verbally abuse me while I was on bed rest in my second pregnancy.

His mother said she was horrified by this, but she didn’t intervene and later lied in an affidavit about what she had seen.

I have since learned that she herself was abused by XH’s father. I am cordial with her when we meet, but I do not speak to her husband.

XH’s second wife testified during their divorce that his father taunted her about what he’d done to me and gotten away with. This man is a prominent local doctor. He feels Teflon.

So you were wife #3?

Anonymous wrote:My H told them (after 2 years of therapy) he was raped by his older cousin from 5-11 and added he would not come to holidays if he was attending.

His parents invited us to a Xmas eve dinner and after a 2 hour drive on Xmas eve with our children, when we arrived "the family" approached us at the door and said "family is family" and the rapist was coming and we needed to get over it.

We left and I have never and will never speak to them EVER again.

Today my MIL will spend Thanksgiving with her son's rapist and all his apologists.

They make me sick to think of them ALL.

I'm so very sorry. That is horrible. I am glad that you and DH are strong enough to bar them from your life. They all deserve to rot in hell.

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm lucky compared to a lot of these. My MIL is generous and helpful. But she lives with us so she inevitably annoys me.

She buys all my older DD's clothes and shoes. I've literally never bought my kid a pair of shoes. I could, but what's the point? She'll outgrow them all within months and a preschooler hardly needs a closet on par with Imelda Marcos. She was going waaaaay overboard and has scaled it back under threat of a ban, but she still went out and bought all 3 things I had planned to buy DD for her birthday and Christmas. Sigh.

Claim the next size up. "Mary, you may not buy Larla any Size 13 shoes. I've decided that I'm going to finally be buying her shoes. I will let you know when you may buy her shoes again. If you give her any Size 13 or above without talking to me first, they will be immediately donated to Goodwill."

Buy your Christmas presents in August. Send her pictures and say, "This is what we got Larla for Christmas. If you get anything resembling duplicates of these, they will be immediately donated to Goodwill."

My H told them (after 2 years of therapy) he was raped by his older cousin from 5-11 and added he would not come to holidays if he was attending.

His parents invited us to a Xmas eve dinner and after a 2 hour drive on Xmas eve with our children, when we arrived "the family" approached us at the door and said "family is family" and the rapist was coming and we needed to get over it.

We left and I have never and will never speak to them EVER again.

Today my MIL will spend Thanksgiving with her son's rapist and all his apologists.

They make me sick to think of them ALL.

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly fine to me - our relationship is superficial so there’s not much they could do to me.

They’re crappy parents and disappoint my husband constantly so that’s the worst think they’ve done to me - make my husband miserable, stressed and insecure.

Similar here. I don’t talk to mil anymore, but for me the worst incident was a couple of years ago. We were living in New England, about an hour away from her. She was supposed to meet dh and 4yo dd for lunch and an activity. She was running late (as usual - wouldn’t bother me, but dh is military and hates that sort of thing) and called dh to say she was close. I suspect he said something or used a tone because she hung up and never showed for lunch. Dh called her back repeatedly and there was no answer. Dh and dd spent the afternoon together and when he got home he reached out to her again. No response. His brother called and texted. No response. Its winter in New England and dh was worried enough to start calling the hospitals and then the police. Eventually the local police checked in on her that night and she was fine at home. She then responded to the brother.

That’s just one of a million things, but to know she let him and his brother worry like that because she didn’t like how dh talked to her, not to mention skipping out on plans with dd, I was just done with her and her cruelty. Dh, of course, is not. He went up this summer to help her after a hospitalization (we live in the dc area now) and we send her money and pay for her phone and tablet and paid a bunch of old bills she lost track of. Last I heard she was talking about prepaying for her funeral, partly I think because she doesn’t trust her kids to do it the way she wants it. The whole thing makes me sad for dh, but it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, they are wonderful. I would even say my MIL is a saint. I'm as close with her as I am my mom. It's so sad to hear of all these people on here having problems with their in laws.

+1

"They’re crappy parents and disappoint my husband constantly so that’s the worst think they’ve done to me - make my husband miserable, stressed and insecure."

This is my ILs too. He so desperately wants them to be something they are incapable of. As far as me, their passive aggressive behavior makes me insane For example, I have no interest in a 45 minute discussion about where to eat because no one says where they DO want to eat, and then say no to every place you suggest. By then I am HANGRY. Now I let DH and them discuss whatever the decision is, and let me know when a decision is made.

But the worst was when my first child was 4 days old. Sure, not their first grandchild, but, and I will never forget this, I was sitting on the sofa with DD when they walked in (around 11:30, we had been expecting them at 10:00), MIL took a look at me/DD, said, "oh, I see you nicked her finger when you cut her nails, what's for lunch?" I glared at DH who got them out of the room I was in and made food for them (and me).

I was tired, post-partum and overly sensitive, but expressing interest in DD, and thinking about us instead of themselves would have been nice.

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are mostly fine to me - our relationship is superficial so there’s not much they could do to me.

They’re crappy parents and disappoint my husband constantly so that’s the worst think they’ve done to me - make my husband miserable, stressed and insecure.

Aren't you married to an adult?
If his parents 'make him miserable, stressed and insecure', he can severe ties with them and become estranged. Problem solved.

My FIL couldn’t be bothered to attend our wedding because of his new third wife who wouldn’t let him go. After things like that, relationships don’t recover. They’re also divorced now. We are still married.

I cannot decide between withholding a payment for a wedding dress that she wanted me to wear for a ceremony in her country (we were broke at the time) or withholding info that my 10 year old came down with Denge fever while on vacation with them.

"First you steal my son away, now you won't give me grandchildren! You're so selfish!"

So, among other things that have occurred/been said, I keep my distance.