Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 13:17     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought it wise when the privates made a policy that you invited the entire class or could not do any invites or after party stuff like swag at school.


+1. I like how at my DD's school they do not allow you to wear bat mitzvah hoodies at school. It was causing too many hurt feelings.


Yes that’s a good Idea. At privates they often invite the entire grade or at least all of the gender or homeroom and I think that’s a nice idea. I have been impressed when they do that. I can understand how they can’t invite 600 kids from public school. Very few places can hold that many kids plus it’s very expensive.


I will add that I’m sorry op that your daughter’s feelings got hurt.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 13:16     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought it wise when the privates made a policy that you invited the entire class or could not do any invites or after party stuff like swag at school.


+1. I like how at my DD's school they do not allow you to wear bat mitzvah hoodies at school. It was causing too many hurt feelings.


Yes that’s a good Idea. At privates they often invite the entire grade or at least all of the gender or homeroom and I think that’s a nice idea. I have been impressed when they do that. I can understand how they can’t invite 600 kids from public school. Very few places can hold that many kids plus it’s very expensive.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 13:00     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:I thought it wise when the privates made a policy that you invited the entire class or could not do any invites or after party stuff like swag at school.


+1. I like how at my DD's school they do not allow you to wear bat mitzvah hoodies at school. It was causing too many hurt feelings.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 12:33     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:Why do parents let their kids exclude other children in their class? It's so tacky and shitty. Just extend the invitation and be kind.


There was a girl who rolled her eyes and made obnoxious comments any time my daughter opened her mouth. She made fun of my daughter's clothes in front of others. "So do you only have two pairs of jeans or what? Because you wore those on Tuesday. I know because I recognize that stain." She made fun of my daughter's hair. She stole her calculator. I could go on and on. We are poor and she did not like that my daughter was popular because she's funny and nice and easy-going.

So no, that girl was NOT invited. And I don't feel bad about it even a tiny bit.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 09:50     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. Several kids weren’t invited. It’s an expensive event. It could be a bday party, bat mitzvah, to go on a group outing to a dance, to go to a beach trip with a group of friends, to a wedding, to join a club in college, etc. kids and adults are sometimes not included. We aren’t having bar or bat mitzvahs, our kids have been invited to some and not to others, and it’s just the way it goes. I don’t really like the message a shirt sends to others but have no problem when only some kids are invited. If you have temple friends, elemenTary school friends, middle school friends, camp friends, neighborhood friends, siblings, club friends, extracurrucar activity friends, etc - I see no reason a family should invite kids who their kid is t that close with.


OP here again- One of the things DD said when she first learned of the event was, "Well, I guess I'm not as close to her as I thought I was." They've been classmates for two+ years, have attended parties together and have eaten lunch together. DD is not the type to hold grudges but this will certainly change the way she views the girl. DD doesn't feel that she's entitled to an invitation but she felt sad that she didn't receive one.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 09:33     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:Glad your daughter is being mature about the situation. This is one of the reasons why my 14yo does not have social media accounts.


She probably does have them...
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 09:32     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school teacher and the only thing I don't like about my work is seeing how tough the Bar/Bat Mitzvah scene can be for kids who are excluded. Your daughter is handling this situation with resilience and grace, OP. Good for her! You might just want to mention to her that you're impressed by the way she reached out to her friends to create a fun evening for them. That would also give her an opening to talk about how she feels, but even if she doesn't, she'll know you're proud.


I like this.

My kid is off at college now, but when he was a wee nerd, we could talk occasionally about what it was like being a nerd when I was growing up and what it was like for him, not in an "Oh poor us" way, but more about what expectations are now vs then, what it's like being the nerdy kid of a nerd vs being the nerdy kid of a prom queen, and how I admired his lemonade-making. Also how much I liked his actual friends and the way they treated each other.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 09:30     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
I don’t see the issue. Several kids weren’t invited. It’s an expensive event. It could be a bday party, bat mitzvah, to go on a group outing to a dance, to go to a beach trip with a group of friends, to a wedding, to join a club in college, etc. kids and adults are sometimes not included. We aren’t having bar or bat mitzvahs, our kids have been invited to some and not to others, and it’s just the way it goes. I don’t really like the message a shirt sends to others but have no problem when only some kids are invited. If you have temple friends, elemenTary school friends, middle school friends, camp friends, neighborhood friends, siblings, club friends, extracurrucar activity friends, etc - I see no reason a family should invite kids who their kid is t that close with.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 08:56     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Those sweatshirts/tshirts/hats are so terrible. Why do parents do it? Might as well show up at school the next day with tshirts for the other kids saying. "I was not cool enough to attend Larlos Bar Mitzvah" And they get worn like maybe 3 times and tossed. PLEASE STOP

-Jewish Parent.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 08:56     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
We will be inviting everyone in my son’s class. I would never want to exclude. Good for your daughter OP!
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 08:53     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know about the sweatshirts and Instagram? Please tell me your kid is telling you and that you’re not following this on social media yourself.


OP here- DD is 13 and has an IG account. I am logged in to her account on my phone and check it daily (per the social media contract DD and I created when she was first allowed access to IG).



Very wise, OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 08:31     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know about the sweatshirts and Instagram? Please tell me your kid is telling you and that you’re not following this on social media yourself.


OP here- DD is 13 and has an IG account. I am logged in to her account on my phone and check it daily (per the social media contract DD and I created when she was first allowed access to IG).

Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 06:42     Subject: DD not invited to big party this weekend
I thought it wise when the privates made a policy that you invited the entire class or could not do any invites or after party stuff like swag at school.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 06:40     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sweatshirts?? That's a bit much.


T-shirts are more common, but sweatshirts are still within the realm of normal.



At certain W feeder middles, hoodies are the norm.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 06:22     Subject: Re:DD not invited to big party this weekend
Thank you for the post OP. I just found out that DC was one of few kids not invited to a party that was held last year. I was shocked and didn't react as well as I should have. DC was fine and only mentioned it because my younger DC mentioned a school rule that if invites are given at school everyone has to get one.

I have learned not to over react because that will likely cause more harm
I will also remember the alternative that your DD came up with.

For the parent who posted that their DC doesn't have any friends to invite out you can plan a fun day with the two of you or other family.