Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Do you have kids in MS or HS right now? They are ALL keenly aware of every school shooting and of threats made by students at their own schools. Yes, they do realize the statistics are slim that anything will happen to them personally, but statistics don't matter when your gut reminds you that someone who talked up rape and murder is suddenly in the room.

My DD's current HS just dealt with a kid who made a social media threat involving taking a gun to school, and her former MS has had threats by students. All this in an academically strong, well-regarded school system with plenty of mental health help, anti-bullying campaigns etc. Kids still are much more concerned about violence than we ever were. That's not "overreacting" and "get treated for anxiety" territory--it's student life in 2018. That's terrible and sad but it is very real.

The OP's daughter's reaction was not excessive at all. She turned to the oldest person around her for advice. She got reamed by an adult who should have known not to have the girl there in the first place and should have known not to address a student like that and make her own daughter's bad situation worse. Of course OP's DD was upset. Leaping to "get her tested for anxiety" is DCUM-talk, where every fearful reaction in a kid is pathologized and made to seem unreasonable.

Yeah ... you need to calm down. Larla's status at the school is not something you know about, other than gossip, and she was there with her MOTHER. OP and her daughter's reactions were totally disproportionate.

NP: Whose own reaction was a bit off too.

Maybe, maybe not. OP has no idea what lead to the social media stuff. Larla could have been getting bullied.

Regardless, an adult telling she's going to sue a middle school girl for talking to another girl about her daughter? It's hard to for me to picture a situation where that's not a bit off. At least off enough where the presence of the mother should assuage any nervousness about the daughter. But then I might be biased--the one situation where my own kids got freaked out at school was when the mother of a girl who was a bully to everyone around her started yelling at and berating another child (one known to be quite meek) at their bus stop for being a bully to her daughter. They came home shaken that an adult could act that way and ended up feeling much more sorry for her daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Do you have kids in MS or HS right now? They are ALL keenly aware of every school shooting and of threats made by students at their own schools. Yes, they do realize the statistics are slim that anything will happen to them personally, but statistics don't matter when your gut reminds you that someone who talked up rape and murder is suddenly in the room.

My DD's current HS just dealt with a kid who made a social media threat involving taking a gun to school, and her former MS has had threats by students. All this in an academically strong, well-regarded school system with plenty of mental health help, anti-bullying campaigns etc. Kids still are much more concerned about violence than we ever were. That's not "overreacting" and "get treated for anxiety" territory--it's student life in 2018. That's terrible and sad but it is very real.

The OP's daughter's reaction was not excessive at all. She turned to the oldest person around her for advice. She got reamed by an adult who should have known not to have the girl there in the first place and should have known not to address a student like that and make her own daughter's bad situation worse. Of course OP's DD was upset. Leaping to "get her tested for anxiety" is DCUM-talk, where every fearful reaction in a kid is pathologized and made to seem unreasonable.

Yeah ... you need to calm down. Larla's status at the school is not something you know about, other than gossip, and she was there with her MOTHER. OP and her daughter's reactions were totally disproportionate.

NP: Whose own reaction was a bit off too.

Maybe, maybe not. OP has no idea what lead to the social media stuff. Larla could have been getting bullied.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Do you have kids in MS or HS right now? They are ALL keenly aware of every school shooting and of threats made by students at their own schools. Yes, they do realize the statistics are slim that anything will happen to them personally, but statistics don't matter when your gut reminds you that someone who talked up rape and murder is suddenly in the room.

My DD's current HS just dealt with a kid who made a social media threat involving taking a gun to school, and her former MS has had threats by students. All this in an academically strong, well-regarded school system with plenty of mental health help, anti-bullying campaigns etc. Kids still are much more concerned about violence than we ever were. That's not "overreacting" and "get treated for anxiety" territory--it's student life in 2018. That's terrible and sad but it is very real.

The OP's daughter's reaction was not excessive at all. She turned to the oldest person around her for advice. She got reamed by an adult who should have known not to have the girl there in the first place and should have known not to address a student like that and make her own daughter's bad situation worse. Of course OP's DD was upset. Leaping to "get her tested for anxiety" is DCUM-talk, where every fearful reaction in a kid is pathologized and made to seem unreasonable.

Yeah ... you need to calm down. Larla's status at the school is not something you know about, other than gossip, and she was there with her MOTHER. OP and her daughter's reactions were totally disproportionate.

NP: Whose own reaction was a bit off too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Do you have kids in MS or HS right now? They are ALL keenly aware of every school shooting and of threats made by students at their own schools. Yes, they do realize the statistics are slim that anything will happen to them personally, but statistics don't matter when your gut reminds you that someone who talked up rape and murder is suddenly in the room.

My DD's current HS just dealt with a kid who made a social media threat involving taking a gun to school, and her former MS has had threats by students. All this in an academically strong, well-regarded school system with plenty of mental health help, anti-bullying campaigns etc. Kids still are much more concerned about violence than we ever were. That's not "overreacting" and "get treated for anxiety" territory--it's student life in 2018. That's terrible and sad but it is very real.

The OP's daughter's reaction was not excessive at all. She turned to the oldest person around her for advice. She got reamed by an adult who should have known not to have the girl there in the first place and should have known not to address a student like that and make her own daughter's bad situation worse. Of course OP's DD was upset. Leaping to "get her tested for anxiety" is DCUM-talk, where every fearful reaction in a kid is pathologized and made to seem unreasonable.

Yeah ... you need to calm down. Larla's status at the school is not something you know about, other than gossip, and she was there with her MOTHER. OP and her daughter's reactions were totally disproportionate.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Do you have kids in MS or HS right now? They are ALL keenly aware of every school shooting and of threats made by students at their own schools. Yes, they do realize the statistics are slim that anything will happen to them personally, but statistics don't matter when your gut reminds you that someone who talked up rape and murder is suddenly in the room.

My DD's current HS just dealt with a kid who made a social media threat involving taking a gun to school, and her former MS has had threats by students. All this in an academically strong, well-regarded school system with plenty of mental health help, anti-bullying campaigns etc. Kids still are much more concerned about violence than we ever were. That's not "overreacting" and "get treated for anxiety" territory--it's student life in 2018. That's terrible and sad but it is very real.

The OP's daughter's reaction was not excessive at all. She turned to the oldest person around her for advice. She got reamed by an adult who should have known not to have the girl there in the first place and should have known not to address a student like that and make her own daughter's bad situation worse. Of course OP's DD was upset. Leaping to "get her tested for anxiety" is DCUM-talk, where every fearful reaction in a kid is pathologized and made to seem unreasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

No, sorry, Larla was not supposed to be there.
Larla was new to the district this fall from a neighboring district and the threats were made in the first weeks of school. There was no prior history with our district. Given the nature of the threats and some other interactions, yes you’re likely right that there are underlying mental health issues at play and I sure hope the child gets suitable placement and treatment.

This is the first and only person my DD has been worried about as a potential serious threat to safety. Does my child need more street smarts? You bet. She could have walked out of the event room and down the hall to find the teacher on duty. But she’s 13, weighing on her mind last week were the Pittsburgh shootings, and she’s still learning how to handle difficult situations. So in that moment she told the person nearest to her who she thought could guide her about her concern. I find it stunning that you and several other posters are far more forgiving of the ADULT in this situation who addressed the children in the manner she did, than the children themselves.

At any rate, I’m confident I made the right call in contacting the principal, and found him very responsive.

Are you basing all of this on gossip and speculation, or are you violating policy seventeen different ways because you have access to confidential information about Larla?

Different poster here, not OP: PP, are you also the poster above talking about how Larla may have a disability etc.? You seem extremely intensely invested in imagining this situation as one where Larla has a disability, OP's DD is a mean gossip and OP is throwing around cruel accusations based on illicitly obtained "confidential information." Certainly Larla does need mental health help since any kid who makes threats like she made is not well and deserves serious treatment. But your personal scenario that turns the DD into a horrible perpetrator instead of a scared kid, and OP into a victimizer, ignores everything OP has said -- and said calmly and reasonably.
OP, I'm glad the principal responded to you and seems to be on the ball about keeping students safe.

Out of proportion? Larla threatened MURDER and RAPE!

Thank goodness for anxious people if they are the only ones who would register a concern here. I wouldn't call OP's daughter anxious though, just observant and conscientious.

It sounds like your daughter potentially is dealing with anxiety. Her reaction and fear response is out of proportion to the perceived threat.

I would have her assessed for anxiety for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

No, sorry, Larla was not supposed to be there.
Larla was new to the district this fall from a neighboring district and the threats were made in the first weeks of school. There was no prior history with our district. Given the nature of the threats and some other interactions, yes you’re likely right that there are underlying mental health issues at play and I sure hope the child gets suitable placement and treatment.

This is the first and only person my DD has been worried about as a potential serious threat to safety. Does my child need more street smarts? You bet. She could have walked out of the event room and down the hall to find the teacher on duty. But she’s 13, weighing on her mind last week were the Pittsburgh shootings, and she’s still learning how to handle difficult situations. So in that moment she told the person nearest to her who she thought could guide her about her concern. I find it stunning that you and several other posters are far more forgiving of the ADULT in this situation who addressed the children in the manner she did, than the children themselves.

At any rate, I’m confident I made the right call in contacting the principal, and found him very responsive.

Are you basing all of this on gossip and speculation, or are you violating policy seventeen different ways because you have access to confidential information about Larla?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

No, sorry, Larla was not supposed to be there.
Larla was new to the district this fall from a neighboring district and the threats were made in the first weeks of school. There was no prior history with our district. Given the nature of the threats and some other interactions, yes you’re likely right that there are underlying mental health issues at play and I sure hope the child gets suitable placement and treatment.

This is the first and only person my DD has been worried about as a potential serious threat to safety. Does my child need more street smarts? You bet. She could have walked out of the event room and down the hall to find the teacher on duty. But she’s 13, weighing on her mind last week were the Pittsburgh shootings, and she’s still learning how to handle difficult situations. So in that moment she told the person nearest to her who she thought could guide her about her concern. I find it stunning that you and several other posters are far more forgiving of the ADULT in this situation who addressed the children in the manner she did, than the children themselves.

At any rate, I’m confident I made the right call in contacting the principal, and found him very responsive.

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you really are a teacher you know that a principal is never going to confirm that another student was expelled. Or disclose any discipline information.

This. As a teacher even I'm not allowed to know what my students have done/what their punishment is. As a parent in this case, all the principal can say is, "I'm sorry your daughter was upset, we do all we can to maintain the safety of our students, I cannot discuss other kids with you."

And I would expect that would come on a school day. I'm not sure what you think he should do on a holiday for you.

+1

What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP with an update.

Principal called me this morning and thanked me for making him aware of the situation. He opened by acknowledging students today have to deal with fears of shootings/school violence we never did growing up. He empathized with DD’s concern seeing the student—this was a middle school event for a specific club (Larla was never a participant) so principal understood how students would have been concerned given what they’d heard about threats. He confirmed students should speak up and said I should let DD know she had the right impulse, but of course ideally to a school employee!

Principal let me know he had some things to review re: supervision at and access to school events and parent and sibling pickup of students. Parent would not have been in a position to confront a student in this manner had procedure been followed, so he saw that as a security issue to address. He was also concerned with outlining to parent how she can bring up concerns she has about the school or students..

I felt very reassured by his call.

To answer questions/comments from PPs:

High schooler wasn’t an official chaperone, but a helper. High schoolers earn service hours doing this and it’s very common in our district (e.g. high schoolers do tutoring and homework club, high school sports teams run parents night out events with a coach present, they teach winter basketball, afterschool field hockey etc. All with at least one school employee present, but yes the elementary and middle schoolers turn to high schoolers often).

We are no longer in the DC area; we left a big district there for what we affectionately call flyover country. The entire district is 1500 students with all 3 schools within a stone’s throw of each other on one campus. So it makes sense that this level of interaction with HS students is not typical in DC metro. And of course the size of our town and district also affects how much anonymity and privacy people have (or don’t have).

To the poster who would have been annoyed to hear from me and livid to think I hoped for a prompt response, I’m relieved our school principal felt otherwise!