Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The happy ending is certainly a sign of a problem in the relationship, and a serious one at that, but I for one don’t think it’s worse than an emotional affair or that it is necessarily cheating (depends on how you define cheating). The reactions here are characteristically over the top. One man’s view.

Spoken like a cheater. It's never their fault when they cheat, and there's nothing wrong with it, either.

I am a woman and I agree with the man. In my experience, men that do this might have a Complex (not sure I can write the name here) where they the wife only as the mother of the child (Madonna) and would not do what they want sexually with her and prefer to turn to prostitution (happy handing in my opinion is a soft form of prostitution). I think your DH definitely has issues. None of this is your fault, but maybe there is a way to “fix” him without breaking the marriage. The DCUM posters are being too harsh. Most men I know have been to strip clubs at some point and that is definitely a

Pressed send to early... a form of prostitution. I also know many men (including DH btw) who have been with prostitute at some point in their lives. These women that are so shocked on this chat don’t realize just how common it is. I probably would not destroy a marriage over this OP, but I would demand that he fixes himself quickly or it’s over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The happy ending is certainly a sign of a problem in the relationship, and a serious one at that, but I for one don’t think it’s worse than an emotional affair or that it is necessarily cheating (depends on how you define cheating). The reactions here are characteristically over the top. One man’s view.

Spoken like a cheater. It's never their fault when they cheat, and there's nothing wrong with it, either.

I am a woman and I agree with the man. In my experience, men that do this might have a Complex (not sure I can write the name here) where they the wife only as the mother of the child (Madonna) and would not do what they want sexually with her and prefer to turn to prostitution (happy handing in my opinion is a soft form of prostitution). I think your DH definitely has issues. None of this is your fault, but maybe there is a way to “fix” him without breaking the marriage. The DCUM posters are being too harsh. Most men I know have been to strip clubs at some point and that is definitely a

Troll. OP is a guy in his mom's basement under a bare lightbulb. Women don't know what a "happy ending" is but men do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here-oh god I want to throw up reading the trafficking f post you are so right that is terrible

It is terrible. And know that if you chicken out and say nothing and he continues to abuse women and children in this way, that you are complicit.

No, no she is not. She cannot control a man.

She can control whether she allows this type of illegal and harmful behavior to get a pass in her home. If she makes it OK for him to keep doing it, and he keeps doing it knowing that will have no consequences for a home life, she is giving him a hall pass to do it.

Anonymous wrote:The happy ending is certainly a sign of a problem in the relationship, and a serious one at that, but I for one don’t think it’s worse than an emotional affair or that it is necessarily cheating (depends on how you define cheating). The reactions here are characteristically over the top. One man’s view.

Spoken like a cheater. It's never their fault when they cheat, and there's nothing wrong with it, either.

The happy ending is certainly a sign of a problem in the relationship, and a serious one at that, but I for one don’t think it’s worse than an emotional affair or that it is necessarily cheating (depends on how you define cheating). The reactions here are characteristically over the top. One man’s view.

Op here again - thanks - I am having a really hard year with loss of a relative and having this all happen with a baby is tough - and to figure out my DH is betraying me is tough. I worry though that I don’t have the bandwidth for a dramatic relationship flame out fight.

If I confront him I know he will get angry about me going through his browser history (I didn’t do that ever until the discovery of the emotional affair 2 years ago and now do every few months when I have a gut feeling something is wrong)

I am trying not to confront him until I know what I want — I am just so angry and repulsed I can’t even look him in the eye today though — I feel like it is so selfish and destroying of our sweet little family I thought we had — ugh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here-oh god I want to throw up reading the trafficking f post you are so right that is terrible

It is terrible. And know that if you chicken out and say nothing and he continues to abuse women and children in this way, that you are complicit.

No, no she is not. She cannot control a man.

Anonymous wrote:Why did you get pregnant?

Just don’t....it’s not helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, another woman touching your husband in a sexual way, or him touching her in a sexual way, is cheating.

This plus an emotional affair? YES, you've got an incurable cheater on your hands. Your choices are:

1) Counseling and find a way to make peace with it, knowing that it may happen again.

2) Divorce.

And by the way, women who gain a bit of weight and maybe don't get their hair colored as often as they "should" don't DESERVE to be cheated on, OP. Stop with your "but *I* didn't 'let myself go'" narrative.

Preach it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here thanks. Sorry about the didn’t let myself go narrative I just hear it said so many times on DCUM about the woman withholding sex or letting herself goand therefor deserving this .... so just wanted to preempt that....

Appreciate other insights of what is “normal”

Stop apologizing... stop trying to rationalize as “normal” that your husband is seeking out sexual services. Deal with this problem, which is in no way your fault.

+1. The question isn’t is this “normal”? The question is “do i want a person who has done this in my life?”

I don’t care how many men cheat on their wives, how many men use prostitutes, how many men have emotional affairs, how many men lie to their wives. When my DH was doing all these things, I wasted a lot of time trying to understand why. I finally decided I didn’t care why or whether it was “normal”. I didn’t want to live with a person who did those things. I didn’t want to live in the environment of fear, lack of trust and instability created by those behaviors. And, I certainly didn’t want to grow up role modeling for my daughter and son that that kind of behavior was acceptable.

In addition, as a human rights activist I had a lot of experience with human trafficking, and I couldn’t live with a person who participated as a perpetrator in the sex industry. The exception to that might be ethical porn-viewing.

It once was normal to negotiate for your wife like a piece of property. It once was normal to beat your wife. And, until the early 1970’s marital rape was not a crime.

My life, my choice. My kids, also my choice as to how to parent them. I’m not giving my power away to others to determine what is “normal” and therefore must be tolerated by me.

Anonymous wrote:OP here thanks. Sorry about the didn’t let myself go narrative I just hear it said so many times on DCUM about the woman withholding sex or letting herself goand therefor deserving this .... so just wanted to preempt that....

Appreciate other insights of what is “normal”

Stop apologizing... stop trying to rationalize as “normal” that your husband is seeking out sexual services. Deal with this problem, which is in no way your fault.

How long have you been married?
If you out-earn him, you need to consider the financial implications of staying married. If you're already planning on a divorce once your child's in school, what does it cost you to wait, vs what does it cost you to do it now?

If DH was busted a year ago with happy ending massage browser history and is still doing it, OP, he has been doing it for the past year. If you confront him about it now and he's defensive, blame shifts, etc., he's 100% guilty.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I don’t know how to confirm if this happened or not; there is another business trip coming up and I guess I want to get my ducks in order either way.

I also feel like it is not normal to do this.

I am going to start getting involved more in my church and spiritual self-care; I need to fortify myself for whatever comes next; the truth will come out... and I’d rather know the truth than live in denial.

Good God, don't let on that you know anything, act normal!

Your best bet is to hire a private detective in the city he'll be traveling to!

You'll have all of the hard evidence you'll need if & WHEN he does act on his impulses.

Since you out-earn him, hopefully you've been putting some money away in a rainy day fund?

I'm so sorry OP, though the PI route is your very best bet.