Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:52
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Big Pharma and Big Data jobs are usually located on the coasts.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:19
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to be shooting down ideas based on hypotheticals about salary, childcare and employment costs. I suggest you wait until your DH comes back to you with a hard job offer, or at least some indication that he has progressed significantly in the interview process. at that point only, do the reasearch about housing, new job for you, childcare, etc. and insist that it be factored in to salary negotiation and/or prior to acceptance.
Don’t shoot down any job applications. It’s wasted energy so 90% of all job apps will go no where.
Instead, just focus on doing well at your own job.
She's right about San Francisco. Her husband should not look there.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:54
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
It's not easy anymore to get a permanent job with hardly any job experience and ESPECIALLY not a high paying pharmaceutical job. Those jobs tend to start in January.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:31
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
OP, you seem to be shooting down ideas based on hypotheticals about salary, childcare and employment costs. I suggest you wait until your DH comes back to you with a hard job offer, or at least some indication that he has progressed significantly in the interview process. at that point only, do the reasearch about housing, new job for you, childcare, etc. and insist that it be factored in to salary negotiation and/or prior to acceptance.
Don’t shoot down any job applications. It’s wasted energy so 90% of all job apps will go no where.
Instead, just focus on doing well at your own job.
Don’t shoot down any job applications. It’s wasted energy so 90% of all job apps will go no where.
Instead, just focus on doing well at your own job.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:19
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Your husband seems impatient, and/or something else is going on at the job that he is finding intolerable. Or something else about his/your overall life situation is weighing on him.
Also, I see why the idea of another move just after you started a new job makes you insanely frustrated, esp. with a 2 year old.
I agree with PP that you both need to not make any big decisions rashly. But you need to think like a team when weighing any new job offers. What would be good enough to outweigh the costs of moving, including (1) money costs of moving/breaking lease; (2) you leaving job; (3) adjusting for higher COL if relevant?
Also, I see why the idea of another move just after you started a new job makes you insanely frustrated, esp. with a 2 year old.
I agree with PP that you both need to not make any big decisions rashly. But you need to think like a team when weighing any new job offers. What would be good enough to outweigh the costs of moving, including (1) money costs of moving/breaking lease; (2) you leaving job; (3) adjusting for higher COL if relevant?
Anonymous
11/12/2018 07:32
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
OP, your husband should not leave a contract job for another contract job. If his colleagues have been able to find permanent positions, he should set that as his goal and talk to those people about how they made it happen. In the meantime, he should stay where he is and take the vacation benefits. You should try to save as much as you can, anticipating that you will be moving in the next 2-3 years.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 06:57
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
What am I missing? Why aren’t you able to say anything to your DH, or express your concerns? That’s the only red flag I see in your post.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 06:13
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you have to be an adult and put your family first. It’s okay to tell your husband your family cannot handle moving right now. Maybe in a year things will be better, but you can’t handle the stress right now.
Also, low six figures is poverty wages in the Bay Area. Even if he doubled his salary you guys would be in a tiny apartment and he would commute (at least) an hour each way. Boston is better - but not significantly so. My friends who live in the Bay say it takes two tech salaries to make it work. One (very low) tech salary cannot support a family at anywhere near a middle class existence in the Bay Area.
Op here. We live in a tiny apartment now. If we moved to Cali or MA most likely we would live in a tiny apartment close to his work. I don't think my husband would commute 2 hours everyday so we could live in a bigger apartment and I also wouldn't want him to do that. Do people live far away because they want a bigger place or they bought a house? From researching it seems 3k would be the rent for a 1 bedroom. 3k is expensive but it would be possible for us. His salary would be in the 140-165 range.
Good luck finding an apt in SF in a decent area for $3k.
My friend pays $4k for a 1st floor that was broken into by a homeless addict while she was home.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 02:58
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Fifth: at age 36 and in school his whole life he has to get some real world experience under his belt. Can’t he do some informational s with alums who have been working in Field longer? Get some info. This should have been done during the 5-7 yr Phd.
That or admit he’s only cut out for academia and find a teaching job. You know what’s best for his personality.
Academia is very hard to get into pp.l
Puke
Anonymous
11/12/2018 02:10
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband accepted a contact job 1 year ago and we moved to FL. The contract is 3 years. I thought everything was going well and we decided he would stay on for another year. We recently renewed out lease. We're at the 14 month mark right now. I recently started working and my son goes to daycare. A few days ago my husband tells me he's angry because he asked for a raise and got rejected. He now is applying for jobs out of state because there are not a lot of employers in his field where we live. His salary is a lot of higher so it makes sense that I have to follow him but I am just so sad and frustrated....
I have only been at my job for 1 month now. It's a work from home but I am not sure if I can work from another state. My employer is in FL. The COL is also a lot less and this makes childcare more affordable. If we moved to Boston or the Bay area there's no way I could afford childcare. The nanny would most likely make more than me there and I would be forced to be a SAHM. I haven't said anything to my husband. I am just venting. Please help.
The way he communicated everything was a mass. He was acting weird and I had to pull information out of him. BTW who asks for a raise from a contracting job? He's only 1 year into the job market. He finished grad school only 1 year ago and is making 90k. We live in FL so this salary is fine. It seems silly to leave a job because you did not get a raise. He also feels like the job in dead end. Apparently lots of the contractors quit after 6 months for a permanent job somewhere else. Right now the only job leads my husband has are contract jobs out of state. He is not on a visa or anything but he did recently become a US citizen. Usually contract jobs do NOT pay for relocation. We would have to spend 3k to break our lease. Everything is all happening together and it's so exhausting thinking about maybe moving and my new job etc etc. We also have a 2 year old and he's so much work. He constantly screams.
His salary may be higher, but with all the bolded above factored in, the question is whether therea higher combined HHI after all is said and done over the next 36 months. For another contracting job in a higher COL area. Will more experience at the place he is now allow for a higher jump after your lease ends, potentially for both of you? How does your long term contribution factor in if you don’t want to be a SAHM?
At this point they need to go wherever the jobs are. Her husband has only been working for 1 year. I think they should go to Boston or San Francisco. They will be fine with 140-160 k range and he can get better job experience.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 02:06
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:Fifth: at age 36 and in school his whole life he has to get some real world experience under his belt. Can’t he do some informational s with alums who have been working in Field longer? Get some info. This should have been done during the 5-7 yr Phd.
That or admit he’s only cut out for academia and find a teaching job. You know what’s best for his personality.
Academia is very hard to get into pp.l
Anonymous
11/12/2018 01:42
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Anonymous wrote:Data scientists should be making $250k plus bonus.
Absolutely move to a place like Bay Area or Boston where he can hop and hop until he’s happy.
That said, he could move ANyTIME there is such a demand for data scientists. Second: look in Austin Texas not SF or Boston for better cost of living. Third: he can’t move every 12-24 months with a family, get a real plan (5 yr one, 10 yr one).
Maybe they should but this link from uothread has an average based on the job market as much lower. $140ish.
https://www.techrepublic.com/article/the-10-cities-with-the-highest-salaries-for-data-scientists/
Anonymous
11/12/2018 01:41
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Fifth: at age 36 and in school his whole life he has to get some real world experience under his belt. Can’t he do some informational s with alums who have been working in Field longer? Get some info. This should have been done during the 5-7 yr Phd.
That or admit he’s only cut out for academia and find a teaching job. You know what’s best for his personality.
That or admit he’s only cut out for academia and find a teaching job. You know what’s best for his personality.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 01:37
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Fourth: never make serious decisions when you’re tired.
W a 1 yo you both are likely tired. Get some rest then strategize.
W a 1 yo you both are likely tired. Get some rest then strategize.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 01:36
Subject: I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything
Data scientists should be making $250k plus bonus.
Absolutely move to a place like Bay Area or Boston where he can hop and hop until he’s happy.
That said, he could move ANyTIME there is such a demand for data scientists. Second: look in Austin Texas not SF or Boston for better cost of living. Third: he can’t move every 12-24 months with a family, get a real plan (5 yr one, 10 yr one).
Absolutely move to a place like Bay Area or Boston where he can hop and hop until he’s happy.
That said, he could move ANyTIME there is such a demand for data scientists. Second: look in Austin Texas not SF or Boston for better cost of living. Third: he can’t move every 12-24 months with a family, get a real plan (5 yr one, 10 yr one).