Anonymous
11/10/2018 12:34
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
really? I had no trouble at 39 and 41. none. pregnant first try both times. now 43 is another story
Anonymous
11/10/2018 11:48
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
Go away. Also, this just isn't true. Plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s.
Wrong. You can fool yourself, but you can't fool nature. 35 is when fertility drops off a cliff.
+1000
Anonymous
11/10/2018 11:35
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Interesting. I’m glad she shared her experiences and I echo other comments of it not being spoken of often, let alone within the AA community. And I am a 32 year old AA woman whose children were all conceived via IVF. But no one, other than my husband and RE team, knows that.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 23:11
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 23:10
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, brave to share.
Some things are private and your infertility is one of them!
“I felt like I failed, because I didn't know how common miscarriages were because we don't talk about them,” Obama, 54, told Roberts of the incident that happened about two decades ago. “We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we’re broken. So, that's one of the reasons why I think it's important to talk to young mothers about the fact that miscarriages happen, and the biological clock is real.”"
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/11/09/michelle-obama-miscarriage-ivf-children-pregnancy-robin-roberts-gma/1940485002/
This is why this forum exists.
How does anyone not know miscarriages happen often? Especially a well educated, worldly woman such as herself? That seems an odd statement to make.
Because people don't talk about it personally. You might know in a scientific/academic/statistical sense that miscarriages are common, but not realize how often it happens in your own social circle. I am AA and among the women in my social circle of 10-13 women, only one other had openly shared a miscarriage experience. But truth be told 7 out of the group had had at least one. I had three miscarriages, I felt very alone and definitely felt broken. AA women DO NOT TALK ABOUT INFERTILITY. We just don't. The inability to have children for AA women is not culturally accepted or understood to be "a thing". Her words rang extremely true to me. I am so glad she shared this.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 21:45
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, brave to share.
Some things are private and your infertility is one of them!
“I felt like I failed, because I didn't know how common miscarriages were because we don't talk about them,” Obama, 54, told Roberts of the incident that happened about two decades ago. “We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we’re broken. So, that's one of the reasons why I think it's important to talk to young mothers about the fact that miscarriages happen, and the biological clock is real.”"
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/11/09/michelle-obama-miscarriage-ivf-children-pregnancy-robin-roberts-gma/1940485002/
This is why this forum exists.
How does anyone not know miscarriages happen often? Especially a well educated, worldly woman such as herself? That seems an odd statement to make.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 20:32
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
Go away. Also, this just isn't true. Plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s.
It is precisely this kind of talk mislead many women into thinking they still have time when their biological clock is running out.
Out of 7 billion people on this earth there would be "plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s", but that doesn't diminish the fact that the older you are the harder it is. Given the audience on this forum, we would be best served if the fertility issue was brought up more prominently when we were younger.
Of course I don't endorse prioritize fertility over other factors such as love, maturity and economic issues. But sometimes you have to plunge to start a family when you don't feel ready but you can rise to the challenge. Talking about fertility issues absolutely helps people making better decisions.
NP. Sorry but facts are most women in their 30s WILL get pregnant on their own with no intervention. Yes, your odds are lower than when you're 20 or 25 or 30. I kind of doubt there are many women left who don't know this. I think the pendulum has swung the opposite way on this issue and too many people try to scare the crap out of women needlessly.
Making decisions because you might be in the minority and might have issues is fear-based decision making. There are so many variables. Age is one of them. And I say this as someone who had fertility issues.
According to newer data, 80% of women will conceive within a year with no intervention. So, yeah, enough with the fear-mongering. I know that's cold comfort to those in the 20% who don't, but to claim that all women who wait will have trouble does no one any favors.
The problem is that until you start trying, you don’t know if you’ll be in the 80% or 20%. All women should know the odds and do what they can within their circumstances to optimize their fertility, if it’s important to them.
But, sometimes, it’s male infertility, which, in my opinion doesn’t get talked about enough. There’s so much emphasis on putting the blame on the woman for trying to have it all and blaming her for not getting pregnant and, no thought goes to the male. We tried for over 2 years, had testing done on me to find out, it was male infertility. Which we are dealing with. I know loads of people who got pregnant and their mid-30s, and some who are going through ivf in their late 20s. Infertility does not have limits with age.
GREAT POINT! When my husband and I were having trouble getting pregnant, I was worried that i was too old (I was 36 at the time). Turned out he had an issue that was easily solved using ICSI -- we did IVF and had very good and relatively painless results. I know some people have much more difficult cases, but people should know that IVF isn't always a terrible ordeal.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 20:25
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, brave to share.
Some things are private and your infertility is one of them!
Seriously? Why? My husband and I did IVF for both of our kids and we were very open about it from the beginning. There's no shame in it and the more people talk about, the less stigma there is attached to it. There shouldn't be any stigma--anyone who thinks it should be "private" probably has weird hang-ups.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 20:25
Subject: Re:Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:i am glad she shared but i would never do so myself.
I'm a pretty private person, and there's no way I'd want to be subject to the scrutiny that the Obamas opened themselves up to when he ran for President. I have to say that I'm glad they made a different choice about that than I would have.
I think it says a lot about Michelle Obama that she waited to share this until Malia and Sasha were almost adults and could hopefully participate in the decision.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 20:20
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
I recently started down the infertility treatments route, and it really lifted my spirits when I read this today.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 20:12
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, brave to share.
Some things are private and your infertility is one of them!
That is certainly the right for people if that’s what they choose. But there is no need to hide it at all.
seriously, why hide it?
I'm a very private/discrete person but I've never felt the need to hide that we did IVF to conceive our 3 kids.
I'm not embarrassed by it. It was medical treatment. The end.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 16:38
Subject: Re:Michelle Obama did IVF
That’s not what I meant at all. What I meant was there’s many factors with infertility. But, based on your reponse, I don’t think you are taking this discussion seriously. At all. Which does everyone here a great disservice of our time.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 16:35
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
Go away. Also, this just isn't true. Plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s.
Wrong. You can fool yourself, but you can't fool nature. 35 is when fertility drops off a cliff.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 16:34
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, brave to share.
Some things are private and your infertility is one of them!
to each their own. i am personally glad she shared.
I am so happy she shared this information! Especially for African American women. African American women often hide infertility and would be ashamed to admit they had infertility issues. This is a huge reveal that I think will do so much for black women trying to have children and having the same struggles.
I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
Ditto. African-American here who went through infertility and miscarriages twice and come from a family where everyone has 2-3 kids without trying. “But Grandma had 10 kids!”
PP here. Yes! When I discussed timing with one friend in her 30s, she scoffed, saying "Please, my mom had me at 43."
I think the growing awareness of infertility among AA women is important from a health education perspective, and to reduce stigma.
I don't expect that people will panic and make drastic decisions, like trying to get knocked up right out of college. But if people start to try to conceive a couple years earlier than perhaps they would have otherwise--for example, at 33 instead of 36--that might save some couples a lot of stress and medical costs. This of course assumes that they are in a good place as far as marriage/finances/career at the earlier time point, but it may help some people.
Anonymous
11/09/2018 16:28
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
Go away. Also, this just isn't true. Plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s.
It is precisely this kind of talk mislead many women into thinking they still have time when their biological clock is running out.
Out of 7 billion people on this earth there would be "plenty of people get pregnant easily in their mid-30s", but that doesn't diminish the fact that the older you are the harder it is. Given the audience on this forum, we would be best served if the fertility issue was brought up more prominently when we were younger.
Of course I don't endorse prioritize fertility over other factors such as love, maturity and economic issues. But sometimes you have to plunge to start a family when you don't feel ready but you can rise to the challenge. Talking about fertility issues absolutely helps people making better decisions.
NP. Sorry but facts are most women in their 30s WILL get pregnant on their own with no intervention. Yes, your odds are lower than when you're 20 or 25 or 30. I kind of doubt there are many women left who don't know this. I think the pendulum has swung the opposite way on this issue and too many people try to scare the crap out of women needlessly.
Making decisions because you might be in the minority and might have issues is fear-based decision making. There are so many variables. Age is one of them. And I say this as someone who had fertility issues.
According to newer data, 80% of women will conceive within a year with no intervention. So, yeah, enough with the fear-mongering. I know that's cold comfort to those in the 20% who don't, but to claim that all women who wait will have trouble does no one any favors.
The problem is that until you start trying, you don’t know if you’ll be in the 80% or 20%. All women should know the odds and do what they can within their circumstances to optimize their fertility, if it’s important to them.
But, sometimes, it’s male infertility, which, in my opinion doesn’t get talked about enough. There’s so much emphasis on putting the blame on the woman for trying to have it all and blaming her for not getting pregnant and, no thought goes to the male. We tried for over 2 years, had testing done on me to find out, it was male infertility. Which we are dealing with. I know loads of people who got pregnant and their mid-30s, and some who are going through ivf in their late 20s. Infertility does not have limits with age.