Anonymous
11/05/2018 12:22
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:As a grandmother, here's what I consider a worse problem than what you are feeling:
I notice on FB that my DIL posts lots of pics of the new grandchild, who is now almost 2 but this has gone on since she was born, and hardly any of the first, who is 4. She also gushes about how wonderful the new kid is. WTF? I get the definite impression she is very biased toward the younger one. Breaks my heart for the older one. It's one thing for grandma to have the feelings you are having, it's much worse for the mom to prefer one child over the other.
I post a lot about my younger child just because they pose easier for pictures. 2-4 year olds aren't easy to make them sit and smile for pictures. Still love them both to pieces.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 12:15
Subject: Re:I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:My MIL obviously prefers all her other grandchildren, our other children as well as my sister-in-law's child, over my son. I don't know if he has noticed, but my husband and I certainly have, and it has dramatically reduced our contact with her. Good for you for noticing and trying to fix it... definitely fake it until you make it... otherwise you will not get to see either of them, including your favorite.
+1. My husband grew up as the non-favored grandchild, and has told me point blank that if his parents ever showed a preference, he would limit contact with our entire family. I agree. Luckily, if either my parents or his has a preference, they are too smart and kind to let it show.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 11:35
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
My dad did something like this. He helped out a lot with my sister's oldest DS. When the younger one came along, he seemed peeved. It took a long time for him to really "get" the second DS. And because I live far away from the rest of my family, it took him a long while to click with my kids too, but even there, he has a clear preference for my DS versus DD (who is the older child). It just happens. I am not bitter, but the preferred grandchild has become a bit spoiled, so you might want to be aware of that.
I advise you to fake it till you make it, and put your energy into that rather than feeling guilty, which is a negative emotion, and won't get you anywhere good.
I advise you to fake it till you make it, and put your energy into that rather than feeling guilty, which is a negative emotion, and won't get you anywhere good.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 11:26
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:No worries. Give yourself time.
and fake it till you make it.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 11:07
Subject: Re:I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Just start spending time with baby. She will grow on you. Soon she will be talking and will have a personality.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 11:04
Subject: Re:I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
My MIL obviously prefers all her other grandchildren, our other children as well as my sister-in-law's child, over my son. I don't know if he has noticed, but my husband and I certainly have, and it has dramatically reduced our contact with her. Good for you for noticing and trying to fix it... definitely fake it until you make it... otherwise you will not get to see either of them, including your favorite.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:39
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:And I feel horrible about it! I love my older grandson more than life itself. I cared for him for the first two years of his life - as an unpaid nanny, I suppose - while my DD and SIL were at work. Then for the next three years, I picked him up from daycare/school once a week at noon and hung out with him thru dinner. This beautiful new grandchild is happy, easy and so beautiful — but my feelings just aren’t there after six months. I put on a show for DD but I’m really starting to worry about it!
I don’t want to give up my time once a week with my grandson and don’t have another afternoon to give to my granddaughter (I went back to teaching). When I see a notification on my phone that there are new pictures in the shared album, I am disappointed when they are pics of my granddaughter and not my grandson.
And I am a typical American mutt so no cultural hanguls about boys being more valuable. I just am so close to my grandson.
I could only admit this on a anonymous forum. Even my DH doesn’t know how guilty I feel.
Somewhat OT, but I think this is a weird statement. I come from another culture, and have always noticed that the so-called "American mutts" are often really hung up on having boys too.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:25
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No worries. Give yourself time.
+1. This is also what my mom felt with my second when they were born. There was grandchild 1 already a person who is expressive and loving, who has interesting things to do and say, and they have all these memories together (she also took care of grandchild 1), and then there was grandchild 2 just a baby who she had no relationship with yet and the novelty of being grandma has worn off. It goes away, and the younger one will grow on you and get inside your heart. The first one may always be special because of the significance of his birth, but give it some time and the younger one will be there too in your heart.
I think this is true for my MIL. My kid, the second grandchild on that side is 20 months younger than her older cousin. MIL (and FIL) were obsessed with the first grandchild (honestly the parents seemed overwhelmed by the attention), and when we had our kid, she was just a not super interactive baby to them while older cousin was this very interesting almost 2 year old. Fast forward, now my kid is almost 2 and is super interesting and interactive--and at a cute and engaging age, and the grandparents seem to have evened out and come around to loving both grandkids equally. Give it time, but also be like my ILs and make the effort to show up for the younger one--this could be the last grandkid, you don't want to miss out on these 'lasts' by only focusing on the other grandchilds 'firsts'.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:12
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
OP, I think this is an amazing, and truthful post about being a grandparent. Everything is in the hand so the parents, but somehow, you are supposed to find the energy, time, etc. To move and care for all their children. Sometimes, it’s not naturally the case.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:08
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
My mother clearly prefers one grandchild over the others. He’s the one who comes running to her for comfort and snacks and to show her all his trains/dinos/trucks. He must make her feel so loved. They have some sort of “special bond” as she says. Eye roll.
Some how a grown woman doesn’t see she needs to make the effort with the other kids. This sort of thing is so toxic. Good thing you are working on it OP.
Some how a grown woman doesn’t see she needs to make the effort with the other kids. This sort of thing is so toxic. Good thing you are working on it OP.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:07
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Hi Mom! Just wanted you to know Larla is well aware of your obvious preference for Larlo. You may not have had a chance to bond with her, but that window is rapidly closing.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:07
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:No worries. Give yourself time.
+1. This is also what my mom felt with my second when they were born. There was grandchild 1 already a person who is expressive and loving, who has interesting things to do and say, and they have all these memories together (she also took care of grandchild 1), and then there was grandchild 2 just a baby who she had no relationship with yet and the novelty of being grandma has worn off. It goes away, and the younger one will grow on you and get inside your heart. The first one may always be special because of the significance of his birth, but give it some time and the younger one will be there too in your heart.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:01
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
Anonymous wrote:PPs are being too harsh! OP spent 2 years as grandson's primary caregiver but haven't had the chance to develope same type of bond with the younger grand daughter.
OP, I think you have to 'fake it until you make it' and also spend more time with granddaughter to develope a bond. She is still little -- you will get there eventually!
+1
PS. I think it's great that you are aware of your feelings and are working to have good feelings with both gk.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 10:00
Subject: Re:I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
How many children did you have? Is DD and only child? That would explain why you feel the way you do, otherwise I think you need more time bonding with your new grandchild. When I had my first child I couldn't imagine loving anyone more than him, and then I had my second child and of course immediately felt the same love. If DD was your only child you are conditioned that way and need to give yourself time to bond with the new baby.
Anonymous
11/05/2018 09:58
Subject: I am not feeling it for my second grandchild
fake it til you make it