Anonymous wrote:People were shocked when my ex and I got divorced. Given how terrible our marriage had been and how unhappy I was, it hurt that so many of my supposed friends were surprised.

Why? What did they see that should not have shocked them later?

To those who think your friends don't know- they do. I have a friend that invited another friend and me out one night to tell us- we pretended we didn't know and said all the right things, but yeah, we knew. I tend to think that no one would talk about me because why the heck would they care about me that much, but yeah, they do.

Anonymous wrote:People are going to flip when they find out I have been separated since 2017.

Only my close friends know.

Having been there, you’re giving way to much credit to yourself for how much anyone else thinks or cares about non-close friends.

Men hit their late 40s, or early 50s, and often experience a serious, meaningful midlife crisis, which causes them to ask "where did my life go?", and as a follow-up, "is this what I want out of the rest of my life going forward?" Many times the answer is "no", and the man therefore seek to reinvent himself through physical changes, a new wardrobe or property, new interests -- or taken to the a further extreme, a new job, wife, and/or family.

My spouse, and our marriage, were generally good and happy, until one day they were not. Precipitated by a missed professional opportunity, DH called everything about his life into question, and left me, our two teenagers still at home, and his job to move to another geographic region for a fresh start. It is devastating and inexplicable to those left behind, and I expect that we will pick up the pieces and sort through the consequences for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how hard marriage is, no, I'm not surprised.

I hat that argument, marriage is as hard as you make it.

Bull shit. Marriage is hard.

My marriage was easy. Until it got hard. I totally don't think it is just one thing or the other. It comesin cycles.

Anonymous wrote:Middle school aged? It’s classic. I have been separated since 2015, no one but my close friends know.

But why are you hiding it? Are you ashamed?

Yes OP, I always feel shocked an horrified when people actually pull the trigger and divorce. Even when I know people are having problems, some how it always surprises me when they split. And I have a lot of divorce in my family. But it always feels like a punch in the gut.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by how many couples have divorced/are divorcing in our school pyramid.

I'm surprised when they date or move in with other parents in the area.

I'm surprised they can afford to maintain separate households--particularly when there's a SAHM and the husband doesn't earn a big salary.

And I'm surprised when seemingly "perfect" couples split. I know you never can tell what goes on behind closed doors, but some of the cheaters have really surprised me.

I'm not judging. I'm just truly shocked by the high numbers and blatant cheating followed by shacking up...in very public ways in our area.

I know people say divorce is contagious, and I'm wondering if that's what is happening in my area.

Anyone else noticing similar patterns? Are you surprised, or is this the new normal?

I have thought of divorce and I guarantee our neighbors/social group/kids would be shocked. No one sees the disconnect and sexlessness of our marriage. Sometimes I feel awful we put up such a false front. There have been attempts to improve but it seems the best we get to is successful co-parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how hard marriage is, no, I'm not surprised.

I hat that argument, marriage is as hard as you make it.

Bull shit. Marriage is hard.

Anonymous wrote:It begins to happen to couples in their late 49s, early 50s, as the children go off to college.

Op here.

Actually, I'm seeing a range between mid-30s and mid-40s with kids ranging between elementary and high school.

It begins to happen to couples in their late 49s, early 50s, as the children go off to college.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised that there have been so few divorces, to be honest.

+1

I'm 39 and maybe my cohort is still working up to it. I only know two divorced people (one was never a solid marriage, the other a situation where they disagreed on whether to have kids) and nobody in my close circle is divorced. But, I know lots and lots of single people on their 40s. Some are content, but most just never found the right person and have stopped looking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that kids may or may not talk. One of my sons closest friends didn’t tell any of the kids at school for a year.

That's sad.

I suppose it underscores how painful, confusing and shameful it feels for kids when their parents split.

My parents split up when I was 15 and I was really embarrassed and avoided telling my friends. They figured it out though.

It’s usually pretty obvious.

The contempt bleeds through.