Does it really matter if she exercises? For so many reasons I hated sports as a kid. I enjoyed walks, because they were social, and tolerated a weekly ballet class, but I had no interest or ability otherwise. I didn’t exercise in college really, except for walks. But as I’ve gotten older I have discovered it’s completely different to go to a studio as an adult, where nobody is making fun of you, it’s on your own terms, you have the right clothes for the activity, it’s not a power struggle with your mom, etc etc. I’m healthy, fit, and happy and I feel like my mom’s “encouragement” was a strain on our relationship and didn’t achieve anything.

could she help coach girls on the run?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep calling it "exercising". Instead, I'd say "Hey, let's (walk, hike, jog, other activities) together. Then maybe we can (have a fro-yo, watch a movie, make a pizza at home, other things that DD likes to do) afterwards.
At the beginning, the goal is to make her feel positive after a work-out.
My DD joined the girls on the run (heart and sole for middle schoolers) last year. She used to complain a lot when we asked her to walk or hike (not even a jog). Now she has a much better stamina and very motivated to run with her friends during practice.

Also, to the extent possible, leave the car in the driveway and walk - to the post office, to the store, to the bus stop to take you to the mall, etc.

+2 for these posts. OP, you need to reframe your perspective and your approach to your daughter. Kids pick up on tone. They may seem like they're ignoring you but they are hyper-alert to anything negative, even if it is only implied. Make it less about 'hey, you need to exercise, fatso' (even if you're not saying those words that's what she's getting from your tone or demeanor) into 'hey, let's take this fun walk, talk, and come back and have more fun.' If you can't get her to walk with you outside then maybe swimming at an indoor pool. Or, if you need to do some early shopping, go to the mall but purposefully park way far away from the store that you want to go to.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep calling it "exercising". Instead, I'd say "Hey, let's (walk, hike, jog, other activities) together. Then maybe we can (have a fro-yo, watch a movie, make a pizza at home, other things that DD likes to do) afterwards.
At the beginning, the goal is to make her feel positive after a work-out.
My DD joined the girls on the run (heart and sole for middle schoolers) last year. She used to complain a lot when we asked her to walk or hike (not even a jog). Now she has a much better stamina and very motivated to run with her friends during practice.

Also, to the extent possible, leave the car in the driveway and walk - to the post office, to the store, to the bus stop to take you to the mall, etc.

I think the gym is one option but honestly, I would think a gym is so boring to a kid...especially treadmill, etc. Want to establish healthy habits? Ok, I guess, but I think there are better ways of doing it and ones that will build long range habits more effectively...

- rock climbing gym
- go on trail hikes as someone else mentioned
- kickboxing
- gymnastics

etc

Not sure if this was already posted but do you all belong to a gym? My non-sporty son (11) comes to the gym with me and does the treadmill and elliptical. We've been taking him with us for years. It's not a major workout since he doesn't walk too fast but he brings headphones and can watch the treadmill TV and is moving the whole time. Plus it makes going to the gym something familiar and hopefully a long-time habit.

Anonymous wrote:Over the years we signed her up for team sports, dance, running, karate, and the gym. She hasn't enjoyed any of it. Quits after a season. She will participate in 5ks (walking), but doesn't really enjoy them. She has low self esteem and shares that she hates her body and feels ugly.

How do you get a child to exercise? We want to instill lifelong healthy lifestyle habits and we are failing. We are otherwise a healthy family and model non competitive exercise - we do it for health. She gravitates to playing guitar, drawing, YouTube/some social media.

Any suggestions?

Some kids are simply not into sports. That's ok.

how about nature hikes?

How old is she? Is she even overweight? Particularly if she’s not, I’d back off a little and think really outside the box. Exercise is great, but just moving is pretty good, for example, what are her chores? Vacuuming and mopping the floor are good exercise. Is she close to high school she? Would she want to do marching band or be on the color guard (flags), can she help you plant a vegetable garden and do some weeding, would she like wii dance...I’d get creative but not push it.

I would really try to find something fun. I struggle with this with DS - he quit his sport this year, and now says he wants to exercise, but hates anything that's not playing or training for a sport because it's boring.

If you could find some kind of class with kids her age but not from her school, seems like that would be ideal.

Also -- maybe a therapist? I'm very in shape and have been for years (at a recent DEXA scan they told me I'm bottom 5% of the population in body fat for my gender and age), but having abs doesn't make me like myself better. More like I tend to work out when I'm happy and don't work out/eat junk when I'm not.

It sounds to me like some CBT might be really helpful with the hating herself thing. Or, depending on her age, have her read Feeling Good by David Burns. It simply and directly addresses disordered thinking like hating yourself because you're thin, fat, tall, short, etc. I have battled depression for a long time, and after learning to rationally evaluate some of the "hating myself" kind of thinking, I got to the point where I often sincerely laughed at the silliness of some of the negative thoughts that I had been having --- they lost all credibility to me when I examined them rationally, and I was able to get on with my life (until the next day, when I had to repeat the process). I can't recommend it highly enough.