Anonymous
10/29/2018 19:05
Subject: Re:Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
CORRECTION: You should ****NOT**** "inform" them....
Anonymous
10/29/2018 19:04
Subject: Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
You should "inform" them of your own opinion about adult relationships, but if they have witnessed abusive behavior and themselves have brought it up, read this for guidance.
They will have their own relationship with their father - and you need to let them experience that in a positive way. You can help them become advocates for themselves and critical thinkers who can think for themselves -- but you do not get to trash the father, even if he was emotionally abusive to you. They need to experience their relationship for what it is, rather than have a fantasy relationship or adopt your conclusions, which are not their own (because their experience may be different).
https://www.amazon.com/When-Dad-Hurts-Mom-Witnessing-ebook/dp/B002SR2PVK/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1540854070&sr=8-6&keywords=lundy+bancroft
They will have their own relationship with their father - and you need to let them experience that in a positive way. You can help them become advocates for themselves and critical thinkers who can think for themselves -- but you do not get to trash the father, even if he was emotionally abusive to you. They need to experience their relationship for what it is, rather than have a fantasy relationship or adopt your conclusions, which are not their own (because their experience may be different).
https://www.amazon.com/When-Dad-Hurts-Mom-Witnessing-ebook/dp/B002SR2PVK/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1540854070&sr=8-6&keywords=lundy+bancroft
Anonymous
10/29/2018 14:52
Subject: Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
Anonymous wrote:They probably already know.
This absolutely these kids are 12 and 8 not. 2 and 8 months. They have been taught about bullying at school they have surely seen their father bullying their mother. Op I think the best thing to do for the 3 of you is to get counseling.
Anonymous
10/29/2018 14:13
Subject: Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
You sound vengeful. You want them to know their father isn't so fantastic. Why? So they can hate him too?
Anonymous
10/29/2018 14:13
Subject: Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
Anonymous wrote:OP, just be honest and say you don't want the kids to have contact with Dad and just give the child support. Makes everyones lives easier and let them all grieve their loses and be done with it.
I don't think that's what OP was saying at all.
I have known people who have gotten divorced after years of emotional abuse, and one thing that emotional abusers do is undermine their spouse. OP may be concerned that even though they are divorcing, her ex may try to turn the children against her by painting her as some kind of horrible person. It would certainly not be the first time something like that has occurred.
Anonymous
10/29/2018 14:08
Subject: Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?
OP, just be honest and say you don't want the kids to have contact with Dad and just give the child support. Makes everyones lives easier and let them all grieve their loses and be done with it.