Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:57     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously - get the 3 year old out of the bedroom and hire a babysitter/driver for kids’ activiites (Or get better at arranging car pools). Problem solved.


We agreed we wouldn’t pawn things off on babysitters. My parents frequently missed activities for work and had the babysitter stand in for them. I don’t want that for my kids.


Better babysitters than a future stepmom!
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:56     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously - get the 3 year old out of the bedroom and hire a babysitter/driver for kids’ activiites (Or get better at arranging car pools). Problem solved.


We agreed we wouldn’t pawn things off on babysitters. My parents frequently missed activities for work and had the babysitter stand in for them. I don’t want that for my kids.


Then enjoy your divorce, since you have an excuse for everything.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:55     Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When/where are you having sex?


There are other spaces to have sex other than bed/bedroom.


How often are you both having sex with each other?


In the shower a few times a week.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:55     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:Seriously - get the 3 year old out of the bedroom and hire a babysitter/driver for kids’ activiites (Or get better at arranging car pools). Problem solved.


We agreed we wouldn’t pawn things off on babysitters. My parents frequently missed activities for work and had the babysitter stand in for them. I don’t want that for my kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:51     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Seriously - get the 3 year old out of the bedroom and hire a babysitter/driver for kids’ activiites (Or get better at arranging car pools). Problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:43     Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When/where are you having sex?


There are other spaces to have sex other than bed/bedroom.


How often are you both having sex with each other?
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:38     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your 16 year old driving? Problem solved.


He has adhd and we have decided to it’s not safe for him to drive right now.


Then most of his friends are driving. Have him give his friends gas money.

Hire a driver for your other kids. You don't have to be at every practice and event.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:34     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
I agree with your DH. Your 3 year old should not still be in your room and your three year old is not a baby! Also, many kids are so over scheduled that it is chaos for them and their parents. It sounds like your husband is doing his part to improve, now it's your turn.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:28     Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:When/where are you having sex?


There are other spaces to have sex other than bed/bedroom.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:22     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, something sent you to marital counseling. How do you expect that to change if you're not willing to make any changes?


We are in counseling to avoid divorce. We have been at a disconnect for a while now. Bickering about stupid stuff. DH had an affair ( emotional) for a few months after hismom died. That is over, he’s changed jobs etc.

I do want things to get better, but I don’t think it’s fair to make the kids responsible for that.


Cutting back on the kids’ activities is not making them responsible for your marriage, it’s you taking responsibility for fixing mistakes you made in the past. You (not just you personally, the collective you, I assume your husband has a role in all this somewhere) signed them up for more activities than you could manage at the expense of your marriage. To save your marriage, you need to own up to that and takes responsibility for fixing it. Yes, your kids will be disappointed, but it will do far less harm to them than having their parents divorce.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:15     Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
When/where are you having sex?
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:15     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your 16 year old driving? Problem solved.


He has adhd and we have decided to it’s not safe for him to drive right now.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:04     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Why isn't your 16 year old driving? Problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 18:02     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
It sounds like you have prioritized your kids over your marriage. No wonder you are in counseling. The emotional affair is wrong but probably the result of you not prioritizing your marriage. You keep responding that he has plenty of sex but sex is not the only thing in a marriage. My marriage bed is where my husband and i have some of our most intimate conversations. I can't imagine allowing the kids interfere with that.
With regards to the activities. The kids will get over it. I can assure you they would rather halve an intact family than activities. They won't stay in all those activities ifnyoubare divorced.

Make a s
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 17:54     Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
We took off 1 day a month and did a whole day date.

Kids were in school so no baby sitter needed.

It worked out about 7 months a year.

We met for lunch twice a month... no babysitter needed, low expectations.