Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

My daughter does have a few kind and low-key friends and she plays a sport 3 days a week with a great group of girls. They attend about a dozen different schools and there's no drama between them at all.
And she has a sister and a brother and a pretty great home-life. She'll be okay in the long run.

But geez.. the stuff that her "former BFF" is pulling. Example: my daughter, BFF and 2 friends texting about hanging out on Sat. BFF calls the other 2 friends and invites them over and lies and tells them that my daughter is busy. Ignores my daughter's texts.
The next days she lies and tells my daughter that "she didn't see her texts about being available". When clearly she did.

Just last year (5th grade) this girls and my daughter just had silly, goofy fun together--pretend play, making slime, cooking etc. Now she's excluding my daughter and lying. Give me strength.

Omg get a life if your own.

You should be this involved in your daughters social life.

NP. Stop with the "get your own life." If you can't understand a parent being sad that their child is hurting, that's kind of your own issue. And since when is knowing what is going on with your kids being "involved in your daughter's social life?"

Go away.

+1

Hugs to you. I find though it's little consolation in the interim that the kids who do this crash and burn. My DD had a friend that was "too cool" to hang out with her in MS. She fell to the bottom of the pack in HS and ironically now wants to be my DD's friend again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

My daughter does have a few kind and low-key friends and she plays a sport 3 days a week with a great group of girls. They attend about a dozen different schools and there's no drama between them at all.
And she has a sister and a brother and a pretty great home-life. She'll be okay in the long run.

But geez.. the stuff that her "former BFF" is pulling. Example: my daughter, BFF and 2 friends texting about hanging out on Sat. BFF calls the other 2 friends and invites them over and lies and tells them that my daughter is busy. Ignores my daughter's texts.
The next days she lies and tells my daughter that "she didn't see her texts about being available". When clearly she did.

Just last year (5th grade) this girls and my daughter just had silly, goofy fun together--pretend play, making slime, cooking etc. Now she's excluding my daughter and lying. Give me strength.

Omg get a life if your own.

You should be this involved in your daughters social life.

NP. Stop with the "get your own life." If you can't understand a parent being sad that their child is hurting, that's kind of your own issue. And since when is knowing what is going on with your kids being "involved in your daughter's social life?"

Go away.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

My daughter does have a few kind and low-key friends and she plays a sport 3 days a week with a great group of girls. They attend about a dozen different schools and there's no drama between them at all.
And she has a sister and a brother and a pretty great home-life. She'll be okay in the long run.

But geez.. the stuff that her "former BFF" is pulling. Example: my daughter, BFF and 2 friends texting about hanging out on Sat. BFF calls the other 2 friends and invites them over and lies and tells them that my daughter is busy. Ignores my daughter's texts.
The next days she lies and tells my daughter that "she didn't see her texts about being available". When clearly she did.

Just last year (5th grade) this girls and my daughter just had silly, goofy fun together--pretend play, making slime, cooking etc. Now she's excluding my daughter and lying. Give me strength.

Omg get a life if your own.

You should be this involved in your daughters social life.

NP. Stop with the "get your own life." If you can't understand a parent being sad that their child is hurting, that's kind of your own issue. And since when is knowing what is going on with your kids being "involved in your daughter's social life?"

Go away.

No it's the knowing all the exact details of who did what and when and THEN REPORTING IT ALL HERE and it turns out they're all 12 years old. Get a freaking life! Your daughter will figure it out on her own and she'll be stronger for it. We all did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

My daughter does have a few kind and low-key friends and she plays a sport 3 days a week with a great group of girls. They attend about a dozen different schools and there's no drama between them at all.
And she has a sister and a brother and a pretty great home-life. She'll be okay in the long run.

But geez.. the stuff that her "former BFF" is pulling. Example: my daughter, BFF and 2 friends texting about hanging out on Sat. BFF calls the other 2 friends and invites them over and lies and tells them that my daughter is busy. Ignores my daughter's texts.
The next days she lies and tells my daughter that "she didn't see her texts about being available". When clearly she did.

Just last year (5th grade) this girls and my daughter just had silly, goofy fun together--pretend play, making slime, cooking etc. Now she's excluding my daughter and lying. Give me strength.

Omg get a life if your own.

You should be this involved in your daughters social life.

NP. Stop with the "get your own life." If you can't understand a parent being sad that their child is hurting, that's kind of your own issue. And since when is knowing what is going on with your kids being "involved in your daughter's social life?"

Go away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is going to middle school next year...I am dreading it. Does ANYONE actually like middle school and have a positive social experience?

My girl did. Her biggest problem was having a locker she couldn't reach. I wrote an email to her principal asking him to help my vertically challenged child and he got her a lower locker. Socially, she had a great time. In 8th grade she kept a list on her phone of all the boys who asked her out (she said "Um, no thank you" to all of them). She went to school dances with friends. She went to sleepovers and learned to ride the bus all over the city without a grownup. Learned to navigate drama without getting sucked in.

Cool story, bro.

This OP is what you call a humble-brag.
This post is clearly intended to make you feel worse about your daughter's situation all while bragging about how great her daughter's was. Read the room, pp... you suck.

Very insensitive.

Orrrr she’s answering the question a PP asked? Lol. My kids had a great time in MS too. Sorry your kid is having a rough go of it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

My daughter does have a few kind and low-key friends and she plays a sport 3 days a week with a great group of girls. They attend about a dozen different schools and there's no drama between them at all.
And she has a sister and a brother and a pretty great home-life. She'll be okay in the long run.

But geez.. the stuff that her "former BFF" is pulling. Example: my daughter, BFF and 2 friends texting about hanging out on Sat. BFF calls the other 2 friends and invites them over and lies and tells them that my daughter is busy. Ignores my daughter's texts.
The next days she lies and tells my daughter that "she didn't see her texts about being available". When clearly she did.

Just last year (5th grade) this girls and my daughter just had silly, goofy fun together--pretend play, making slime, cooking etc. Now she's excluding my daughter and lying. Give me strength.

Omg get a life if your own.

You should be this involved in your daughters social life.

My DD is in middle school (7th grade). Lately, it seems that the parents of middle school girls are as catty as the girls themselves. So much drama and parents are so involved in it all.

OP- would you be willing to reach out to the school counselor?

I'm a former middle school counselor and had many parents call me with similar concerns. Often I would meet with the student to brainstorm ways that she/he could connect with others- specific clubs sports, etc.. On a number of occasions I helped with that connection (with permission from parents and students).

It's very tough and I feel your pain. Even the most "popular" have some degree of social stress and upheaval no many how often they're asked out on dates.

I would highly recommend the books that have been suggested. They'll help frame your (and your daughter's) experiences and provide practical advice for managing this tough time.

Best of luck to you and your DD!

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is going to middle school next year...I am dreading it. Does ANYONE actually like middle school and have a positive social experience?

Yes, my oldest has a solid group of friends (girls and boys) throughout. Really nice kids. Even so, there is some fragmentation now that they are all in 9th grade.

Not sure what the poster earlier was trying say about a list of boys asking the kid out. What does that prove? I don't want my kid asked out in middle school anyway! It's about making friends. Not notches on a belt.

I am the poster above whose (other) kid got squeezed out of her group of friends. She's finding her way. It's not all bad.

I think overall, kids are kinder than when I was in middle school.

This is why I encourage my DD to make lots of different friend groups in ES. She laments when none of her good friends are in her class in the new year, but I always tell her to look at it as an opportunity to make more friends, which is important for this exact reason.

DD, now 10, had already experienced mean girl behavior starting from 3rd grade. I remember experiencing it starting in MS. It sucks.

+1 on keeping her busy with other activities.

Something similar happened to my kids in 6th though not so mean. Her group of friends seemed to adopt a couple new girls and squeeze her out. She tried talking to them, but it just got worse, so I encouraged her to be friendly but invest in other friends.

Sometimes good friends are closer than you think. Like boys. There was a nice boy that always seemed on her wavelength and is really kind. She invested more in that friendship, and he is one of her good friends. She also had another friend who stuck with er (was never really part of that group). She also picked up a couple of new activity and is getting to know people there. Now, one of the original group friends has made contact with her saying she misses her.

I guess, my advice would be to take it one friend at a time. Try new things/venues. Try to invest in someone you know is kind.

Hope your daughter finds some good friends.

Anonymous wrote:That stinks but middle school doesn't suck for everyone. I set my daughter up to have several different groups of friends so that if there happened to be a falling out with one group, she wasn't friend-less.

So if there was a sleepover with her core group that she somehow wasn't invited to, she just made plans with a friend from a different school for that night.

This is great advice. I think it is so important for girls to have different friend groups to lessen the impact when something like this happens. I try to actively encourage some friendships outside school so it gives her perspective when things are not going well with one group.

Anonymous wrote:That stinks but middle school doesn't suck for everyone. I set my daughter up to have several different groups of friends so that if there happened to be a falling out with one group, she wasn't friend-less.

So if there was a sleepover with her core group that she somehow wasn't invited to, she just made plans with a friend from a different school for that night.

I think this is a good plan, but it doesn’t mean your child won’t ever feel hurt about being left out. And if she does, please don’t just push her out the door to another social event. Let her express and work through how she feels. Learning how to think, feel, and act about social event exclusion (whether benign or malicious) is an important life skill. Sometimes it’s about dynamics or needing to reciprocate a past invitation. And that’s okay.

My older DD was lucky enough to have a really stable and close group from K to 12, but that is highly unusual. So unusual that school counselors commented on it in MS and HS. The norm is for some relationships to cool off and learning how to process those feelings is healthy and necessary. I’ve taught MS for over a decade. Hot and cold girl friendships are a pain in the butt for the adults, but they often serve as practice for handling adult disappointments. My younger DD dealt with the end of an eight year friendship with grace and self-reflection that more than a few adults should emulate. A year later, she has a new best friend, but she doesn’t write off what was lost.

Anonymous wrote:That stinks but middle school doesn't suck for everyone. I set my daughter up to have several different groups of friends so that if there happened to be a falling out with one group, she wasn't friend-less.

So if there was a sleepover with her core group that she somehow wasn't invited to, she just made plans with a friend from a different school for that night.

Op, and anyone else reading this, here’s what’s called a lawnmower parent. She has issues. And her daughter probably will too, thanks to this parenting style.

It sucks for boys too. So many changes, add in hormones and a bigger school. Even kids who do not try to be mean can lose friends over time as they have classes with other kids. Then through in the kids who are social climbers and lead kids along.

Keep talking to your daughter about what is going on and help her see that she can always walk away and make new friends.