We have an open relationship with a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell.” It works pretty well for us and we don’t pry into each other’s private communications. I limit most of my activities to out of town conferences and business trips, though i’ve had local FWB from time to time. He’s definitely had lovers, but I can’t tell you much about it because it’s none of my business. He is my life partner and I adore him, but the sexual chemistry faded a long time ago. We have no interest in blowing up our lives but still want needs met. “No drama, no diseases, and make it as discreate as possible” is our motto.

No. Zero appeal.

I would like a second husband though (or maybe even wife). I'm worn out from household chores and children and it would be nice to share that with someone else. And to be able to leave the house without kids with my husband would be amazing. I'm sick of constantly having to get babysitters to do anything.

Anonymous wrote:I have an open marriage, and it's great, but it's not drama-free. Negotiating non-monogamy in the context of a committed relationship takes maturity and a lot of work.

Same

taketothebank wrote:Man here.

I think if you could work on the important factors (e.g., making sure everyone is disease free and stays that way, no one gets pregnant, no spending huge amounts of money on the AP) with your SO and with your AP you could make it work.

Why shouldn't the AP share in the spoils of your marriage? They ate performing a critical role in the maintenance of the marriage?

Anonymous wrote:I have an open marriage, and it's great, but it's not drama-free. Negotiating non-monogamy in the context of a committed relationship takes maturity and a lot of work.

Since your situation is really the only realistic scenario that addresses the OP’s question, please tell us more about how you make it work.

I do, but she doesn’t know it...

Nope. I'd only want that for me, not her. So call me what you like for the double standard. I don't want her after she's been with another man.

Man here.

I think if you could work on the important factors (e.g., making sure everyone is disease free and stays that way, no one gets pregnant, no spending huge amounts of money on the AP) with your SO and with your AP you could make it work.

Yes please.

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Hell, yes, I would do it. My marriage is probably going to end in the next few years because we are pretty good friends and ok housemates, but he seems to have no interest in me being a romantic/sexual partner for him with no demonstrated interest in doing any sustained work to make that better. But, he also doesn't want me to leave. If I could get him to agree to an open marriage, so I could find someone to do the parts of marriage that he's clearly not interested in, and not have to disrupt the rest of my life, I would do that in a heartbeat.

+1 (woman)

Woman here. Hell, yes, I would do it. My marriage is probably going to end in the next few years because we are pretty good friends and ok housemates, but he seems to have no interest in me being a romantic/sexual partner for him with no demonstrated interest in doing any sustained work to make that better. But, he also doesn't want me to leave. If I could get him to agree to an open marriage, so I could find someone to do the parts of marriage that he's clearly not interested in, and not have to disrupt the rest of my life, I would do that in a heartbeat.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes I know this is entirely unrealistic, I was just curious if anyone would not want to do it if there were no consequences. For those of you saying no because you only want sex with the intimacy you have with your spouse or you’d rather spend the romantic time with your spouse than with anyone else - I find that very sweet and you must have truly great marriages

I suspect a lot of the No’s from women are more a reflection that sex is pretty far down on their list of priorities, and even the enticement of a new partner does not make it seem worthwhile. More important things like Facebook, DCUM, and Netflix!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you "no" ladies would change your mind if it meant being with a guy who was much better endowed than your DH?

No change. I easily O between 5-10 times a session. I don’t see how a larger endowment would change it that much.

Slow clap...

Anonymous wrote:How many of you "no" ladies would change your mind if it meant being with a guy who was much better endowed than your DH?

No change. I easily O between 5-10 times a session. I don’t see how a larger endowment would change it that much.

Op here - yes I know this is entirely unrealistic, I was just curious if anyone would not want to do it if there were no consequences. For those of you saying no because you only want sex with the intimacy you have with your spouse or you’d rather spend the romantic time with your spouse than with anyone else - I find that very sweet and you must have truly great marriages