Anonymous wrote:If you truly want to try to maintain the friendship (your house only) could you use the dog bite incident from last year in your explanation to them? Tell them that your kid and yourself are still really anxious because of the incident and that you're just not comfortable with your kids being in their house/yard. Then tell your kids in no uncertain terms that they are not allowed over there. If your kids are really that relieved about the rule, then that shouldn't be too hard for them to do.

Thank you for this suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate this kind of dog owner. I have two dogs who are the laziest, friendliest dopes you'll ever meet - but they're large, and I totally get that people can have real fears about big dogs. I would never be offended if someone said, "hey, Larla is afraid of your dogs so can we do playdates at our house?" Further, in an effort to be a good friend, I'd sent the dogs out with DH or host at a neutral location to keep up our end of the hosting balance. I love my dogs, and most dogs in general, but people who turn a blind eye to the risks of mis-managed dogs drive me NUTS.

I like your thoughtful and considerate attitude. This dilemma may come down to empathetic vs egotistical points of view. Nice to hear you make your guests comfortable when they visit your home!

Ugh I hate this kind of dog owner. I have two dogs who are the laziest, friendliest dopes you'll ever meet - but they're large, and I totally get that people can have real fears about big dogs. I would never be offended if someone said, "hey, Larla is afraid of your dogs so can we do playdates at our house?" Further, in an effort to be a good friend, I'd sent the dogs out with DH or host at a neutral location to keep up our end of the hosting balance. I love my dogs, and most dogs in general, but people who turn a blind eye to the risks of mis-managed dogs drive me NUTS.

If you truly want to try to maintain the friendship (your house only) could you use the dog bite incident from last year in your explanation to them? Tell them that your kid and yourself are still really anxious because of the incident and that you're just not comfortable with your kids being in their house/yard. Then tell your kids in no uncertain terms that they are not allowed over there. If your kids are really that relieved about the rule, then that shouldn't be too hard for them to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t trust them to kennel the dog while your kids are there?

Op has hinted at other reasons for having this concern but doesn't want to post publicly. So, yeah, sounds correct not to trust them to hold up their end of any bargain about keeping the dog away from visitors.

I don’t trust them- correct. Not for malicious reasons, but they seem careless and overpowered by the dog. It is enormous. For example the neighbor’s cat was killed- oops “we forgot to tell kids not to let dog out of kennel!” Right, oops.... I am not tolerant of such incompetent when it comes to safety.

Anonymous wrote:
A dog with a high prey drive CAN hurt a human it identifies as prey in the heat of the moment - generally, a child running away from the dog. This happened to a PP's child who posted here and on the pet forum. It's absolutely CLASSIC.

I dispute the notion that dogs who attack animals can discriminate without fail and avoid attacking humans. You want to be very careful with such a dog.

+1

This dog has already killed a cat, and OP says that they can barely control the dog on leash. This is not a well-trained animal and I wouldn't trust the family to properly supervise it or keep it in a kennel. And OP's daughter is scared of the dog. If the kid isn't scared of dogs in general, I'd give some weight to her gut feeling that this dog isn't safe.

That said, I wouldn't say anything to the mother. Just have the other kid over to your house, and say no to your daughter going over there. If asked, say that your daughter is scared of the dog and won't be going to their house, but that the kid is welcome to continue coming over to yours. This isn't an argument you're going to win, and the mother is likely to take it badly, so just state things calmly and in a non-accusatory manner and then let the chips fall where they will.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t trust them to kennel the dog while your kids are there?

Op has hinted at other reasons for having this concern but doesn't want to post publicly. So, yeah, sounds correct not to trust them to hold up their end of any bargain about keeping the dog away from visitors.

A dog with a high prey drive CAN hurt a human it identifies as prey in the heat of the moment - generally, a child running away from the dog. This happened to a PP's child who posted here and on the pet forum. It's absolutely CLASSIC.

I dispute the notion that dogs who attack animals can discriminate without fail and avoid attacking humans. You want to be very careful with such a dog.

You don’t trust them to kennel the dog while your kids are there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dogs that are aggressive with other animals and prey are not necessarily aggressive with people. Especially dogs like German Shepherds and Dobies. They may want to kill every cat squirrel and dog they see, but they are incredibly loyal, functional, and submissive to humans.

I'm not saying that that is this dog, but if the dog has never exhibited any aggression towards humans, it is not at all a foregone conclusion that it is going to eventually hurt someone.

The drive to hunt and kill prey is very much different than a human aggression

OP, the most important part of this post is the bolded language. This means there are no guarantees. Don't take chances with your kids. You have experience with the specific dog, the pp doesn't.

I really agree here. I have low risk tolerance for known risks, especially with kids. But interesting dog information, thanks for sharing. The only person I know who has such a dog is an actual city police officer. Managing the dog is a serious undertaking.

NP and I have a dog with incredibly high prey drive. He just loses his mind when he sees a squirrel, bird, or cat. But he has NEVER been given the opportunity to actually harm one. The fact that this family knows how prey driven this animal is but still gave it the opportunity to kill a car (assuming OP was serious with the "cat killing" comment) tells me they are morons who aren't managing their dog appropriately.

That said, my dog's prey drive does not translate into any human aggression whatsoever. A dog with high prey drive doesn't automatically mean dangerous dog to me. A dog with high prey drive that's been allowed to kill other animals (either intentionally or through a lack of supervision/owner control) does.

This is the age where they’re learning to handle this kind of hiccup in a relationship. Ask your daughter how she would like it handled, and talk it through with her. Use this to guide her through unfamiliar territory.

When kids hit middle school, their group changes. They gravitate towards like-minded kids, and build longer lasting friendships. My daughter stopped being close friends with the girls in the neighborhood. She has an amazing set of friends at 16. It’s just the way it goes.

Dog rescuer here. Do not let your child near the dog again. Agree that you have to be kind but direct. So sorry Larla is afraid of the dog, but we'd love to have Janey over our place!

Large dog owner here. The way you want to go about it (projecting violence towards people on the dog/owner) would probably offend me as a dog owner and friend. You can't assume the dog would be aggressive towards people. It hasn't been. But, it is fair to say you are uncomfortable. I would TOTALLY understand this. Why would it be unacceptable if the dog weer locked outside? This wouldn't be a deal breaker as long as you emphasized that your decision is because you are uncomfortable, but because of anything they have done.

FWIW Belgians are lovely dogs. I also have a large dog that seems aggressive towards other dogs (she thinks she's being protective). She is very loving to people. If anyone is ever concerned, I put her outside during the duration they are here. If they felt like they couldn't come to our property with her anywhere on the property, that would seem a bit extreme to me, but I would understand if it were phrased in terms of the other person's fear. If they insisted my dog were a risk, the insinuation is that I am not a responsible owner, which would hurt my feelings. It's about how you phrase it. You don't truly know the dog. Back off the judgment. If you are still concerned phrase in terms of your feelings.

Anonymous wrote:I know you’re asking about preserving your DD’s friendship while keeping her safe, but my heart just breaks for that poor dog. It would undoubtedly be a lovely animal with the proper training and adequate exercise (and it sounds like it’s getting neither). You said you aren’t really friends with the parents; do you know anyone who is? Someone should really talk with them about giving the dog up to a breed-specific rescue organization that can find it a proper home.

That being said, prepare for this to go poorly. For most people, pets are part of the family. You saying that you aren’t comfortable with the dog being there will be just like saying your DD can’t go to their house if her friend’s dangerous brother is there.

thank you. yes i agree, as a person who loves dogs and has one too (she has long standing family member status, we dote on and love her so much), i hear you.

but i think anyone with a modicum of sensitivity wouldn't be surprised to hear kids aren't comfortable over there, nor are their parents. i haven't told you some of the stories i've heard, either. i just think they are a well meaning family but blissfully unaware of the caliber of animal they are sharing their home with. in the off chance she reads here too (seems unlikely... but??) I don't want to share too many details. trust me though, this dog and the family's resposnse to it are not confidence inspiring.

thanks for your comments.

We had a Belgian Malinois mix. He was a wonderful family dog (great with kids, other dogs, etc). He did, however, kill stray cats (and a possum, and some birds) at an impressive clip. So, not all of them are bad, but I certainly wouldn't get one if I had other non-canine pets.