Anonymous wrote:Want to bet he is still sleeping with his abusive wife.

This. Don't do this to yourself. I feel for you, this stuff is like an addiction. However if he has no exit plan then what you are doing is just torturing yourself. Take a long break from this guy, start mediting, running, for sure counselling if you aren't there already and things will look different once you have removed yourself from him and emotions have settled down. You deserve better.

She didnt say his age range. Older guys have more options.

Yikes. Pretend this was your sister or friend or daughter you were advising. Would you advise them to slink around waiting / being the side piece for TEN years (...with no guarantee that it will even pan out then)? No. You're so caught up in the rush of it now that you're having all these irrational thoughts and feelings about how you can't live without him - once you remove yourself fully from the situation and some time passes you will start to see rationally again. You don't want to hear it, but he's playing you for a fool. If he really, actually loved you and wanted to be with you.....he would. What you do now is you walk away. You tell him I can't and won't put my life on hold, call me when you're single. Then follow through (which is, of course, the hard part). But if you don't want to waste the rest of your "youth" and cause yourself YEARS of pain and regret...you have to do it

Anonymous wrote:OP, I dated someone who told me the same sh*t, actually went so far as to tell me they were actually separated but he couldn’t move out yet. Don’t get me wrong, we spent a LOT of time together which led me to believe their marriage and home life really was a joke (he would even frequently stay overnight at my place and we went away for a few weekend trips, and we were always out on dates in public), but the end game is that after a long time he still hadn’t made any moves to move out and I got tired of it. I feel like your situation could be the same.

It’s been over four years since we “broke up” and 1) they’re still married and 2) he still texts me but I ignore it. LOL.

Same for me. What a regretful episode. Save yourself, don’t let sex insanity take over your brain. It’s a trick...

Anonymous wrote:You dont mention what kind of abuse. Physical or is she just emotionally abusive e.g name-calling, gas lighting...there is a whole range. The other thing I want to add is that it's insane that this dude would want to take you on with three kids when he could find himself a twenty-something with no baggage. Yes, your kids would be older but children cause drama throughout their life span . So why go through all that trouble when you might as well stick to your own brood.

Right, because all the attractive 20-somethings are just dying to sleep with an old married man with 3 kids and a psycho wife.

OP, I dated someone who told me the same sh*t, actually went so far as to tell me they were actually separated but he couldn’t move out yet. Don’t get me wrong, we spent a LOT of time together which led me to believe their marriage and home life really was a joke (he would even frequently stay overnight at my place and we went away for a few weekend trips, and we were always out on dates in public), but the end game is that after a long time he still hadn’t made any moves to move out and I got tired of it. I feel like your situation could be the same.

It’s been over four years since we “broke up” and 1) they’re still married and 2) he still texts me but I ignore it. LOL.

You are being played, OP. If he truly loved you, he would leave his wife. Men do it all the damn time. Right now he is reaping the benefits of marriage and a girlfriend.

She is so abusive and terrible that he ejaculated in her vagina and created children with her. He also goes home to her every night. You're his side piece and hes going to say and do anything short of leaving his family to keep you on the back burner.

Tell him to call you when he's single.

If that's the push that convinces him to divorce, fine.

If not, you go back on the dating market. If you find someone else and settle down within ten years, great! Good for you.

If you don't, and he calls you in ten years, you're exactly where you are now hoping you'll be in ten years. No better, no worse.

If he never leaves her, ... Well, he wouldn't have no matter what, so I'm glad you didn't spend ten years waiting.


Leave, focus on YOUR kids and your own life. If it works out ten years from now, fine, but don't sit on the sidelines for a decade waiting.

He is married. Have some respect for yourseld, and her. Move on and do not look back.

You need to move on. You can love someone but it can not be the right timing and for you the timing is not right. If it were, he’d be part of your life.

What you have right now is a meetup every few months, a few phone calls each week, and an occasional text. I’m sorry but it is not a relationship. You’d be willing to do this for 10 years!

You do sound lovely and if you met this “high bar “ I think you said then you can met another great man but one who is available and who can participate in day-to-day real life with you.

It will be hard. Grieve, cry, but end it. You deserve so much more.

You dont mention what kind of abuse. Physical or is she just emotionally abusive e.g name-calling, gas lighting...there is a whole range. The other thing I want to add is that it's insane that this dude would want to take you on with three kids when he could find himself a twenty-something with no baggage. Yes, your kids would be older but children cause drama throughout their life span . So why go through all that trouble when you might as well stick to your own brood.

This will not end well. And you will waste years, and deeply regret it.

Gavel rapped once: case closed. Do not maintain relationship or hope of one with this person.

Kindly,
The people

OP, this is how you end up old and alone.

But you are sleeping with someone's dad-who-is-married-to-their-mom, so you deserve it.