Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this girl OP?

12

No 12 year old girl asks to live with her stepmom over her mom unless there is something really, really wrong occurring at mom's house. With certainty, there is more going on in that house than her not being allowed to leave her room.

Do the right thing OP.

Welcome to the first curve ball, OP. Many more will come.

It sucks to be a good guy, or you could choose to be a wicked stepmother.

Anonymous wrote:How old is this girl OP?

12

You need to let her move in. This is a big decision for a kid, one that can be anxiety provoking because of the potential for angering the parent they want to be with less and for being rejected by the parent they want to be with more, so many/most kids won't make a request like this unless they feel like they really need it. Also, be careful about digging into her stated reason and saying no if it turns out she's choosing to stay in her room rather than being forced to. Even if her mother and stepfather aren't forcing her to stay in her room, there may be reasons why she feels safer staying in the room (e.g., even if the stepfather hasn't done anything to her, maybe her intuition is telling her something's not right with him and she needs to keep as far from him as she can).

Her safety needs to be priority number one.

Personally, I can’t see that my relationship with anyone who would not accept my child(ren) as family and welcome them with open arms would last very long. If they made me choose between them and my child(ren), they’d probably be surprised by the result.

Having children around always is part of something that expected of someone who, well, has children. I’m should be something you anticipate and think about when you get into a relationship. Life happens, things change. The fact that they are a parent doesn’t.

What's wrong with you? You are being very selfish. The right thing to do is to let her move in.
Also, if you told me my DD was not allowed to move in with us full time, I would leave you. You are making a big mistake if you think you can make your DH choose between you and making his DD feel safe and happy.

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.

As a parent, how could you not be open to a request from your child to live with you? Of course your husband cannot turn her away.

Maybe you cannot empathize with your husband or step daughter. Think of it instead as a test of your character and ethics.

I think that it takes a lot for a teen girl or really any child to ask to live with their hostile stepmother over their mom.

This leads me to believe that things are much worse than she is communicating to you both

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? I can't imagine turning down that request.

This.

I’m a step mother. Yes, it’s hard. But these are kids who need safety, stability, and nurturing. Please take her in.

As a parent, I cannot imagine a situation short of enabling substance abuse where I would tell my child they could not live with me, particularly when a new stepfather is involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

Welcome evil stepmom.

Anonymous wrote:Hear her out. What you ascribe as being dramatic maybbe the truth. How many stories do we have or hear where teems and children didn’t feel heard? It stays with them forever.

I agree with the pp. Personally, you and the mom sound very simular. Both of u aren't empathetic to the daughter and only think of yourselves. This is one of the reasons women don't tell anyone about sexual assault, abuse or rape because people who suppose to love them will call them dramatic.

You should feel ashamed you aren't supporting your step daughter. For shame!

OP your post cannot be real. Of course you rescue that girl. It won't be forever; at some point she'll go to college or graduate high school or whatever. Time flies for us adults.

Hard to say not knowing how old the kid is. Dad should definitely talk to mom about what the child says about mom's house, and if she is describing it accurately then it is troubling. Trying to get primary after having joint custody is an uphill battle, and can really damage the relationship between coparents. If the child is being abused it's worth it, but otherwise I would not pursue it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

And people wonder why kids of divorce are screwed up. It is because of situations like this.

Anonymous wrote:All of you PPs are dramatic. OP married with the knowledge that her DH and her would only have the DD some of the time. It's called joint custody. The DD moving in full time is not an option unless she is being abused. Which she isn't. They should speak to the mom about her treatment of the daughter. This isn't OP's problem.

Do you have kids? Things change. They always change. If you marry someone with kids, you are an idiot not to know it’s a possibility you get them full time at some point. What if the ex wife dies? More common — kids of divorce often change households as they age and their needs change.