I'm GenX. I know my parents and grandparents drank a lot more. Probably a fair amount of self-medication going on with that drinking. Mental illness was often regarded as a personal failing and/or weakness.

My experience is anecdotal, but I feel like GenX straddles the divide between self-medication with drugs or alcohol and a more enlightened attitude toward mental health that's growing among younger people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just women. When I was single, I dated many men with depression, anxiety, addiction, or BPD. But they rarely told me about it right away, or at all- sometimes to hide it, sometimes because they didn’t recognize they had it. Which makes things very messy when I have to end things weeks/months/tears down the road.

The bigger issue was why I was attracting those types of people. Took me a lot of therapy to figure that out.

Wise woman here.

Pp again. Why I think this poster is particularly wise is that some people complain about the dating pool but don't look at themselves to understand why they are chasing people that they're not really happy with. That might be what's going on for the OP but given the change in dating practices with the rise of the internet, I don't know. (Been off the market for 30 years) I suppose people are more often going out for a date with someone they met via a dating app so it would be unfair to accuse them of looking for person with a certain kind of problem. But, still, is this a possibility for you, OP? Are you seeking these women out? Only you can know that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are smart enough to get help.

Men just hide it.

+1 A lot of men are in denial.

No we’re not!

LOL!

Anonymous wrote:Can be genetic too. Both my husband and I have moderate mental health issues that are in check with lifestyle changes and medication. We have a great marriage and are crazy about each other.

Agreed. Not saying that social conditions don't affect people's mental health (eg, poverty for one) but my parents and in-laws were anxious, I grew up with anxiety as did dh (but he's in denial), and my daughter has struggled with anxiety. Here's the difference in generations. My parents and ILs desperately tried to hide their untreated anxiety but it leaked out all over the place indirectly. I grew up dealing with it on my own, doing therapy and other support stuff, and recognizing it for what it is. I don't hide it. I don't inflict it on other people and demand they take care of me but I acknowledge that on occasions it's a problem for me. Dd did medication and therapy for a long period of time. I now recognize that this is a condition she inherited from our very anxious families and I wish I had realized earlier that this would be an issue for her. And if I were younger, I probably would have done medication as well but it wasn't a common thing back in the 70s and I'm managing fine without it now.

Oh and I should add that both families have had histories of addiction which can go hand in hand with anxiety. And there's another thing people are sometimes in denial about.

Anyway, all this is to say that some people have mental struggles. Whether it's genetic or situational, you can deal with it openly and role model for your kids how to cope with it or you can hide it. Women are more likely to get help for it than men. I would imagine women are more likely to be open about it than men - because we see even in this thread how such things are framed as a sign of weakness in a man. Whether I would want to date someone who spilled all this on the first date is another question - too open too fast - but I would want to date someone who was self aware and managing their emotional issues well. Just as I would only want to date someone who could handle me acknowledging my occasional problems with anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is like one of those ink blot tests. Folks are to a certain extent projecting their view of "what's wrong with the world today" onto an explanation for why OP's dates seem to be dealing with mental illness more often than they'd expect.

People with issues become or stay single. “The good ones”, hot women or tall men, but also the more fun people, tend to get taken.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is like one of those ink blot tests. Folks are to a certain extent projecting their view of "what's wrong with the world today" onto an explanation for why OP's dates seem to be dealing with mental illness more often than they'd expect.

+1

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just women. When I was single, I dated many men with depression, anxiety, addiction, or BPD. But they rarely told me about it right away, or at all- sometimes to hide it, sometimes because they didn’t recognize they had it. Which makes things very messy when I have to end things weeks/months/tears down the road.

The bigger issue was why I was attracting those types of people. Took me a lot of therapy to figure that out.

Wise woman here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are smart enough to get help.

Men just hide it.

+1 A lot of men are in denial.

No we’re not!

This thread is like one of those ink blot tests. Folks are to a certain extent projecting their view of "what's wrong with the world today" onto an explanation for why OP's dates seem to be dealing with mental illness more often than they'd expect.

Anonymous wrote:Women are smart enough to get help.

Men just hide it.

+1 A lot of men are in denial.

It’s not just women. When I was single, I dated many men with depression, anxiety, addiction, or BPD. But they rarely told me about it right away, or at all- sometimes to hide it, sometimes because they didn’t recognize they had it. Which makes things very messy when I have to end things weeks/months/tears down the road.

The bigger issue was why I was attracting those types of people. Took me a lot of therapy to figure that out.

Can be genetic too. Both my husband and I have moderate mental health issues that are in check with lifestyle changes and medication. We have a great marriage and are crazy about each other.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s guy who's been divorced for a year. I enjoy dating but not looking for anything serious. Most of the women I've met have just been casual dates but what stands out for me is that so many of them reveal that they're one of the three: bipolar, depressed, or anxious. And I mean clinically diagnosed and been prescribed meds and all that. These are women in their thirties and also forties. It's just so common it blows my mind. Needless to say, I haven't felt comfortable going forward with many of these women I've met. Just too much for me to process. I have plenty of guy friends who also mention that their wives or girlfriends are seeking therapy or taking meds to cope with some mental health diagnosis. But no guy I know has ever mentioned being depressed or anxious. I'm not saying these conditions don't ever affect men, but it just seems so common among women. Any ideas why? I'd like to meet someone eventually who won't go crazy on me.

How many of your guy friends actually talk about their feelings and problems? Do you? Fact is my DH went through a rough patch and he would never mention it to a guy friend so you really have no idea how many of you male friends are quietly having problems and taking medicine. It isn't socially acceptable.

Maybe you should date someone older and not be so judgmental or maybe those women didn't want another date and we telling you to scare you off!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is harder for women than for men. Work is harder because women are less respected. Women do more housework and child care. Women treat their partners on average better than men treat theirs. Women are more likely to be raped. Women have many more reasons to be depressed and anxious.

Then why do they live ten years longer?

Because they take care of themselves and make fewer impulsive, stupid decisions that lead to accidental or intentional injuries.

It is an average, factoring in things like war and reckless teen/early 2ps behavior that brings the make average down.

A bunch of millennials work for me and the other day the single guys were complaining about how all the women they go out with have anxiety and are medicated like it's a thing. Thry were talking about how they'll never get married. However they seems fine not being married, not like they are resigned, but basically dont want the hassle and drama that comes with all the mental illness that is such a thing.