Since you are new to the school they may not have known. I'd be fine with you asking for a twin. A kid a few years older I might be annoyed but a twin is different.

How small is the grade overall. While I generally agree with the sentiment to treat the twins separately, my twins were in separate classes but in a small school and there was only 30 kids overall across the two classes. They all play together after-school and at recess and all know each other.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you clearly want to do this so just do it and see what happens. Just wondering if this is that important to you to potentially start off on the wrong foot with families at a school that's new to you. Seeing a kid at recess doesn't mean they're friends and want to invite her to their birthday party. My kid interacts with hundreds of kids and that's not the criteria we use for inviting kids to parties.

Good advice, OP, about not getting off on the wrong foot. Invent a fun outing with the uninvited twin, something the girls only get to do when their twin goes off to a party without them. I am like the PP you are grumping at: I’d say yes but be annoyed and rolling my eyes internally at your manners.

What a bunch of bitches. Of course your twin would be invited if I was the host.

I actually think it's detrimental when parents treat twins like a joint package. Lots of people have siblings one year apart and siblings have identical interests.

I am a twin and have twins. Personally I wouldn’t ask if the other twin can come because it is a good opportunity for the twin to have some time away from a sibling. My twins are three. I know they are individuals with different interests and personalities. But I will admit that one of my biggest parenting struggles is treating my girls as a collective unit. We do the same things for them perhaps out of convenience. For me I gravitate towards any opportunity for when my girls can get some separation. Also I enjoy having one on one opportunities with my girls. Personally I would encourage the separation in this scenario.

I would ask. If they say no and it's too much of a hassle, I wouldn't stress over it, especially for a 4 year old party. Just decline.

Sometimes doing separate activities is a hassle on the weekend when it comes to smaller kids.

I’ve been asked if a sibling can attend a few times, was not the least bit offended, and welcomed the extra kids.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad of twins. If it is a venue or anything where the host pays by the head then absolutely not. If it is a home party or a playground party or some other location that doesn't have a head count I would ask if I already met the parents at drop off pick up or another party and that they knew us as a family. If we didn't know them parents before, then no.

If they already knew you as a family and only invited one twin, why would you do that?


No, don't ask.


--mom of teens who is really sick of twins that can't be separated, becaue they are not that special here (we know 10+ sets between 2 kids)

I'm a dad of twins. If it is a venue or anything where the host pays by the head then absolutely not. If it is a home party or a playground party or some other location that doesn't have a head count I would ask if I already met the parents at drop off pick up or another party and that they knew us as a family. If we didn't know them parents before, then no.

Anonymous wrote:I would gently ask.

People, these are 4 year olds that just started a new school, it's not like them have separate interests and friends already. My 4yo doesn't know anyone's name in his class yet.

In kinder (my DD's first school experience) she was so excited to have so many new friends that she couldn't remember to ask their names. I kept saying to her "Say "Hi! I'm Rhyme, what's your name?" but she kept forgetting until 1st grade. Until then it was "the girl with the green shirt" or "the boy who likes the tire swing" - neither of which were helpful at all to me. But even without knowing their names she still had kids she liked and kids she didn't.

Anonymous wrote:What I would say to you -“yes, of course, that’s fine. We are happy to have her.”

What I would say in my head if my child has no clue the uninvited twin even exists - “that’s incredibly presumptuous and rude. Do I look like a free babysitting service?” (Internal eyeroll)

+1

Twin mom here and I don’t understand the OPs confusion. Only the child on the invite (or in the senders class) is invited.

I would gently ask.

People, these are 4 year olds that just started a new school, it's not like them have separate interests and friends already. My 4yo doesn't know anyone's name in his class yet.

It is not a summons. You are not required to go. If going with only one does not work for your family, then decline the invitation. Guests do not get to invite additional guests to a party.