Well since you ask, I do prefer a lighter teasing touch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a much more explicit image of "feathering the nest".

Ha! Me too.

Me three. Was going to ask if a feather could really get the job done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who post here that the parties will automatically get 50/50 by a Judge unless they are a drug dealer or have substance abuse issues are just flat out wrong. At least in Virginia. In fact, in Virginia there is proposed legislation every year that establishes a presumption of 50/50 and every year it fails to pass. There is no automatic guarantee of anything.. Virginia is a best interest state with no presumption of anything. This type of in incorrect internet opinions is exactly the reason why you need to go see an actual lawyer.

Every actual lawyer I consulted - I am a man - told me that I would get 50/50 if I wanted it. Those who don't get it mainly didn't want it, plus a much smaller number who are abusive or otherwise unworthy.

Did you actually get it in VA?

There are laws about what can happen to deployed troops--things like not evicting family, no foreclosures, various loan protections.

I don't know how that applies to divorce, but find someone knowledgeable and ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce lawyers are useless unless you plan to litigate. Even then they can be useless. I know folks who have spent hundreds of thousands and ended up w crap.

So true. Their bread and butter are women anxious of giving too much custody time and angry men.

LOL the only angry person is you. If you show by your action(hiding marital assets, trying to be tricky, lying to the judge, etc) it will go bad for you. Trust me the judges and lawyers have seen it all and will peg you for who you are. Just because you hate men and think the woman should have everything because that’s your world view does not make it reality. Also it will piss him off and he may decide to fight you as hard as he can ie burn through cash with a bunch of lawyers. In case you if you do not understand that, it means you will have to burn through the cash with a bunch of lawyers also. The best things for the kids will be to reach a settlement as cheaply as you can. If you plan on scorch earth tactics, it will not be good for the kids. You husband or ex husband will be in your life for as long as you have kids. How would you reach if someone did this to you!

Don't do anything stupid (which is some of the advice in this thread). Find a lawyer first before doing anything and for God's sake, don't shack up with someone while he's deployed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll need to downsize so sell stuff (nothing he would miss) on eBay. Since you're doing the work involved you could argue the proceeds go to you, but in any case it's work that needs to be done before you split.

Uh, no. You can’t sell someone else’s stuff and declare the profit yours simply because you went to the trouble of selling it.

Keep the suggestions coming, oh wise legal minds of DCUM!

x100000

I’d tread lightly here. I’m an attorney but I don’t do any family law, but I can’t imagine any judge would look favorably at a party who began rearranging the finances to their benefit while their spouse was deployed overseas. That just seems horrible to me.

Who controls the finances? I slowly siphoned off 50k in cash prior to my divorce. Kept it in a lockbox.

Anonymous wrote:You'll need to downsize so sell stuff (nothing he would miss) on eBay. Since you're doing the work involved you could argue the proceeds go to you, but in any case it's work that needs to be done before you split.

He's deployed and you sell his stuff. Good move. Great example for the kids.