Anonymous wrote:So weird that so many people in this thread blame the lying on the reaction of the person who is being lied to. Blame the victim much?

Also sexist that OP's concerns are framed by some as judgmental and mommy-like.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're treating him like a teenaged son. I'm not surprised he sneaks around and does it. I'd just let him smoke the weed. My god, he could be doing so much worse.

Anonymous wrote:So weird that so many people in this thread blame the lying on the reaction of the person who is being lied to. Blame the victim much?

Also sexist that OP's concerns are framed by some as judgmental and mommy-like.

Anonymous wrote:So weird that so many people in this thread blame the lying on the reaction of the person who is being lied to. Blame the victim much?

Also sexist that OP's concerns are framed by some as judgmental and mommy-like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a conversation “a few years ago” about him not smoking pot. Before you get in a tizzy, I suggest talking to your husband again. Please acknowledge that he appears to have abided by your wishes for years. He knows you don’t want him smoking yet he apparently seeks an outlet or escape. Why not come up with a solution together?

This is my plan. DH and I rarely fight. We will talk though this in a sane manner. His work stress has been higher lately, and our family stress increases when I return to work (I'm a teacher, off for the summer). I did not say a word last night. I'm not sure if he thinks I believed him when he said he was taking out the trash last night.

NP. A few things to consider when you talk:

1. You're in VA so-- not legal except for medical use. If he gets arrested, since it's not legal in your state, could an arrest or conviction affect his job? Even if he's not in a security clearance kind of job, or is not in a job where there is drug testing--some employers are not going to be OK with an arrest record, even for supposedly personal-use-only pot. If the employer wouldn't necessarily fire him, he might find his advancement prospects mysteriously limited over time. I'm not saying it's right or wrong of an employer to have a problem with a pot arrest, so pro-pot posters, that's not the issue. The issue is simply that the employer--in this "employ at will" state--can choose to dismiss over this. If he feels his employer would never do it, he might want to rethink that.

2. There are PPs saying let him smoke as it probably helps his medical issues. Why take medical advice from total strangers online, whose personal medical experiences may be nothing like his? Like you, OP, I would want to know if pot could affect the other meds he's on. Even if there is no negative interaction per se, could pot slow his body's absorption of his needed meds? Only a doctor can tell him. I'd press him to tell his doctor he's a smoker and ask the question. And you should be there to hear the answer too because frankly I think he would not tell you if a doctor said to stop smoking, OP.

Yeah, it sounds naive to say, tell the doctor you smoke pot. But my relative had to do just that (in another state where it's also not legal) and found the doctors non-judgmental--they really did just want the truth about anything he was putting into his body.

In the end you and DH seem to have a communication issue. I'd wonder what else he was keeping to himself. I don't just mean in a "hiding stuff he thinks I don't like and will judge" way. I mean keeping things from you in an even more important "why does he feel he can't be his real self with me" way.

Reactions like this are why people hide things. It’s rather extreme and uneducated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. This is devastating.

Is this sarcasm?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a conversation “a few years ago” about him not smoking pot. Before you get in a tizzy, I suggest talking to your husband again. Please acknowledge that he appears to have abided by your wishes for years. He knows you don’t want him smoking yet he apparently seeks an outlet or escape. Why not come up with a solution together?

This is my plan. DH and I rarely fight. We will talk though this in a sane manner. His work stress has been higher lately, and our family stress increases when I return to work (I'm a teacher, off for the summer). I did not say a word last night. I'm not sure if he thinks I believed him when he said he was taking out the trash last night.

NP. A few things to consider when you talk:

1. You're in VA so-- not legal except for medical use. If he gets arrested, since it's not legal in your state, could an arrest or conviction affect his job? Even if he's not in a security clearance kind of job, or is not in a job where there is drug testing--some employers are not going to be OK with an arrest record, even for supposedly personal-use-only pot. If the employer wouldn't necessarily fire him, he might find his advancement prospects mysteriously limited over time. I'm not saying it's right or wrong of an employer to have a problem with a pot arrest, so pro-pot posters, that's not the issue. The issue is simply that the employer--in this "employ at will" state--can choose to dismiss over this. If he feels his employer would never do it, he might want to rethink that.

2. There are PPs saying let him smoke as it probably helps his medical issues. Why take medical advice from total strangers online, whose personal medical experiences may be nothing like his? Like you, OP, I would want to know if pot could affect the other meds he's on. Even if there is no negative interaction per se, could pot slow his body's absorption of his needed meds? Only a doctor can tell him. I'd press him to tell his doctor he's a smoker and ask the question. And you should be there to hear the answer too because frankly I think he would not tell you if a doctor said to stop smoking, OP.

Yeah, it sounds naive to say, tell the doctor you smoke pot. But my relative had to do just that (in another state where it's also not legal) and found the doctors non-judgmental--they really did just want the truth about anything he was putting into his body.

In the end you and DH seem to have a communication issue. I'd wonder what else he was keeping to himself. I don't just mean in a "hiding stuff he thinks I don't like and will judge" way. I mean keeping things from you in an even more important "why does he feel he can't be his real self with me" way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a conversation “a few years ago” about him not smoking pot. Before you get in a tizzy, I suggest talking to your husband again. Please acknowledge that he appears to have abided by your wishes for years. He knows you don’t want him smoking yet he apparently seeks an outlet or escape. Why not come up with a solution together?

This is my plan. DH and I rarely fight. We will talk though this in a sane manner. His work stress has been higher lately, and our family stress increases when I return to work (I'm a teacher, off for the summer). I did not say a word last night. I'm not sure if he thinks I believed him when he said he was taking out the trash last night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of folks demonizing pot - lack of education and gross over reaction.

Your DH is hiding it b/c he knows how you feel about it and you are being unreasonable. It helps him, apparently. He's doing it for a number of reasons - maybe to take the edge off, deal with medical issues, etc. I'd focus on those issues rather than him toking up at times.

Don't get all bent out of shape over the pot smoking. Occasional is fine. There is no data to support otherwise.

I agree.

I hid my pot use from DH for a while, because he disapproves. I finally told him that I could take prescription pain killers or I can smoke a little weed, but I couldn’t handle the pain that came from complications after surgery without some kind of pain relief. My doctor gave me a 2 week supply of opioids, then another 2 week’s supply, then another. I was worried about being on them for 6 weeks and possible addiction issues. Plus, they left me nauseated, and my anti nausea medication made me sleepy, so I was either sleeping or fighting sleep and useless at home. Smoking a little weed though, it didn’t eliminate the pain quite as well as the prescription pain meds but it helped a lot, and it didn’t leave me nauseated. I also found out it helped with my anxiety as well. After I laid it the facts for DH, he was supportive, but I really resented him being judgmental and having to get his approval to treat a medical condition.

Marijuana has a lot of practical medical applications, which it sounds like is the reason he’s using it. It’s really no big deal. The fact that you didn’t know he’s smoking weed is evidence that it’s not affecting him adversely. He lied because it’s easier than having to try and convince you it’s acceptable, deal with your judgment, and be treated like a child. Maybe consider how you’re behavior shapes people’s responses to you.

Hear hear! Marijuana has so many medicinal benefits and yes, also takes the edge off. IT's been known to be a great treatment for hypertension, anxiety, etc. People, we're not talking about heroin or cocaine. FWIW, I've only smoked once in the past 20 years but I know enough about the science to know it's not the bogeyman a lot of you claim it is.